About 20 months ago, my partner of a year and I discovered we were pregnant after a split condom and an ineffective morning after pill. After a lot of soul searching and sadness, we decided not to keep it. This was mainly because we were relocating to the other side of the world 6 weeks after we found out. I think that I probably wanted it more than he did but I wanted to prioritise our relationship and the plans we'd made. It wasn't an option, at that point, to have the baby in the new location so we had a medical termination at 5 weeks.
20 months later and we're married and have been actively trying to conceive for 2 months but with no luck. Suddenly the grief and guilt of our decision has hit me and I can think of nothing else. I can't believe we were lucky enough to fall pregnant and did not keep it. I can't get my head around what made us decide not to have it. I am so frightened that we won't be able to have another and that We have ruined our lives and will spend the rest of our lives regretting this.
I know that two months is technically not a long time to be trying but I suppose I'd convinced myself that it would happen again immediately and now it hasn't, I am terrified that this is it.
I am now 34 and was 32 at the time and again feel like I am the only woman stupid enough to do this at my age.
I don't know what the question I'm asking is. I suppose I just wondered if anyone could relate or help. I feel very alone with everything. I don't think I've expressed myself very well either.