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Conception

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Original poster

Ivf to have deceased husbands baby

18 replies

Welshgirl1523 · 08/02/2019 19:18

I’m just looking for a bit of advice.

My husband (27) passed away while we started the ivf process, now months later I’m still allowed to have the ivf but not sure if I wanna go ahead.

I’ve met someone else who means the world to me and treats me like a princess but he doesn’t want to have anymore children ( has a 11 year old daughter) one of the reason is he want us to go travelling in 8 years time and doesn’t want children to hold us back( I’m 30 not so I’ll be 38 when we do this)

This has made me think if I actually want to have a child myself after 10 years of wanting one. Just want people opinions

I know I have to decide what I want and make my mind up but didn’t think I could fall for someone again so soon after my husband dying

OP posts:

Sinuhe · 08/02/2019 19:25

I wouldn't... it's not fair on the child. You'd have to test the water and see what your DH family think of this as baby would be first relative.
But I could understand if it really was the only way to have a child.

Bobbiepin · 08/02/2019 19:27

I wouldn't put it on hold for a man you're in a new relationship with but is there a possibility of waiting a while and having it to go back to?

MaverickSnoopy · 08/02/2019 19:29

Why did you want children in the first place and how did you view your life with children? It was obviously important to you and/or your husband as you went to the lengths of starting ivf. If your new partner wanted children how would you feel?

I guess it's about what would cause you the most regret.

Ooplesandbanoonoos · 08/02/2019 19:30

I would maybe see how you feel in a year.

Separately you need to consider if this is the right man for you- maybe consider if you want children or if its just that you want your late husbands child- if the answer to either of these is yes then you need to consider the relationship as staying with him seems to mean neither is an option.

Honeyroar · 08/02/2019 19:31

It sounds like this new man is not quite right for you. It’s about what he wants, not what you want.

You do really need to think about whether you really want a child. If you have this baby you could well end this relationship. It all sounds to have happened really quickly. Take some time to decide. Deep down you must be still reeling. Don’t rush into anything- including long term plans with your new man.

AwdBovril · 08/02/2019 19:32

Why did you post this twice?

Petalflowers · 08/02/2019 19:32

I would take the new man out of the equation, and take it from there.

What would,you do,if he wasn’t on the scene? Would you go ahead with pregnancy?

If you are only a few months into the relationship, I think it’s a little soon for him to dictate when you can go travelling. Ie. When his daughter is 18. It’s okay for,you to fit around his child’s life, but not for him to fit around yours.

Also, you are 30. Do you envisage your life without children in the future? If you want children, then perhaps,this relationship isn’t for you.

Wishing you all the best. Do what’s right for you.

Kittykat93 · 08/02/2019 19:33

I also think you shouldn't be rushing into anything op. Your emotions must be all over the place right now.

coppercolouredtop · 08/02/2019 19:36

none of this is right op.

you want children. your new man doesnt.
i would try to meet someone with the same life goals in all honesty and take it from there.

having your deceased dh kids maybe is not the answer but i dont think being childless is either - you clearly wanted kids.

you are actually still young enough to meet someone who wants what you might want

Drogosnextwife · 08/02/2019 19:38

You say you couldn't fall for some so soon after your dh buy you have a new partner and are talking about going traveling with him in 8 years time, surely that's quite a serious relationship if you are planning 8 years in the future and considering giving up your hopes of having a child for him?

Contraceptionismyfriend · 08/02/2019 19:41

I'm so sorry for your loss and your struggle TTC.

But no you can't do that to a child.

Fleetwoodsnack · 08/02/2019 19:45

Youre with the wrong guy. How long ago did DP pass away? You're saying months - it's very quick and raw just now.

BeekyChitch · 08/02/2019 19:50

You say 'months later' suggesting to me your DH only passed away a few months ago, therefore this relationship must be very very new?

I think you should give it a year or two. This guy doesn't sound like the one for you. That way you will know if you would like to go it alone as a lone parent or maybe you will have found the right guy who does want children, which may or may not involve your husbands baby. It sounds like a very complicated situation. I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. I hope you have some friends/family to support you through this hard time.

ShesABelter · 08/02/2019 19:53

I'd put all plans of a baby on hold for a year. Its far too soon to decide.

Bryjam · 08/02/2019 19:56

You posted about this already didn't you?

Your husband died at the end of August and by the start of January you were seeing new guy. It sounds to me like you need time with no man and no IVF to grieve for your husband properly. You need time before making major life changing decisions.

BIWI · 08/02/2019 20:05

3 posts?

Hiphopopotamous · 08/02/2019 20:30

This relationship is way too new to be giving up having your own kids over or to be making plans for 8 years time!

Do you want kids? You obviously have done for a very long time.

Hiphopopotamous · 08/02/2019 20:31

It's not as if you're 40 and time is running out - you could easily meet someone new, get to know them over a few years, get married and have your own family. You've got lots of time.

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