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Conception

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Am I being unreasonable? Is there any hope?

5 replies

Miramar · 02/02/2019 10:35

My DH and I have been TTC for a year now. I have irregular cycles (last was 51 days). Each cycle I record everything and make changes in the hope of a BFP.

This cycle I've been doing: CB OPKs, ConceivePlus, folic acid, TTC multivit, recommended vit D, B vits, baby aspirin, coQ10 200mg, cough syrup during ov, grapefruit juice, Brazil nuts, flaxseed, chia seeds, hot organic vegetarian foods only, no cold or raw foods, no caffeine, no alcohol, no diet coke (perhaps the hardest thing to give up!), meditation, yoga, laughter yoga(!), qigong, trying to be positive and avoid stress, weekly acupuncture and moxa, hot water bottle on lower ab, visualisations, no plastics or foil used to cook or contain food or drink, no microwave cooking, warm water, chai tea, nettle tea, raspberry leaf tea, and (willing to try anything) not wearing 'cold' coloured jewellery, so no wedding and engagement rings as they're white gold. I'm sure many of you will notice I've been reading certain fertility books! This doesn't include all the other things I've tried over the last year, along with countless Drs apts, blood tests and an ultrasound sound.

In comparison, my DH has changed... Nothing. He's not adapted his lifestyle at all. He has this idea that it'll happen naturally, without any additional help. Only it hasn't.

I'm pissed off as Thursday AM I showed him my static smiley CB OPK. We BD but he couldn't ejaculate. Stress, I thought, wishing I hadn't shown him the test. He suggested we BD again that evening. Roll on 9pm, he returns from work, eats dinner and switches on Netflix. I say I'm off to bed, he stays and watches TV! He later comes to bed and starts, what can only be described as pulling my hair, I'm assuming, his idea of seductively waking me up. I got upset and slept on the sofa (yes, coldest night in 7 years, according to the MET and my marriage!).

Friday morning we had a big chat. He says he wants to have children and admits seeing the test contributed to our failed BD.

So roll on Friday night. Air cleared. Again, after about an hour of BDing, and my pulling out all the moves, nothing!

I feel crushed that I'm working so hard to get a BFP and not put stress on him, and he only has to do one thing and has missed our one opportunity.

Is it even worth trying to BD today (Sat)? We last successfully BD on Tuesday. Do I stand any chance this cycle? I can cope with a BFN if we've at least tried, but missing that one chance completely and having to potentially wait another 50 days is killing me. Sad

OP posts:
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 02/02/2019 10:40

Your poor dh.
Think the only pill you need is a chill one tbh.
Ttc is a tough business but you are in it together because you love each other.
He isn't a hired performer.

Birdie6 · 02/02/2019 10:44

I feel crushed that I'm working so hard to get a BFP and not put stress on him, and he only has to do one thing and has missed our one opportunity.

But you are putting stress on him. Expecting him to perform on time, at the right moment, on the right day , after you've made all these lifestyle changes. No wonder he can't perform - he feels like a sperm donor and you've put him off .

One year isn't a hugely long time to TTC. Why don't you give all this "preparation" a break and just enjoy being with your DH ?

Miramar · 02/02/2019 10:46

Thanks April, you're right.

It's just so bloody difficult, giving everything you've got and having to keep picking yourself up cycle after cycle.

OP posts:
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 02/02/2019 10:51

A 2019 bucket list that's not dc related is what you need. Make the most of your couple's time.
We had ttc until we moved, forgot about it and got pregnant. Stress won't be helping you know!!
Step back and start enjoying your dh for him - not just requesting his sperm!!

Lammoshay · 02/02/2019 23:27

Awe ladies bit tough those replies...
It’s emotionally draining trying to TTC when your so desperate for it to happen.
Everyone handles things different.

Anyway getting back to topic at hand- why not sit down with hubby and explain you are putting in effort and don’t feel he is much and just explain you want to bring it to his attention, not to argue or stress just some food for thought.

In the meantime be kind to yourself xxx

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