How to tell friend who is TTC that I am pg?

[Glimmer]

I am posting because I need some advice.
I am pregnant after mc and many complictions last year. I am going to see a friend who has been TTC for years now, currently undergoing ICIS. I was amazed of the insensitivity of some of my RL friends after my mc and want to do better. Should I let her know beforehand, and if so how, or just wait and see if she spots it? I know that a friend meant really well by telling me beforehand, but I had much preferred to not know for a while...
Thanks!

I had a simialr situation at work a couple of years ago.

I waited until I was 12 weeks and then told her beofre I told the rest of the office, however she already knew as she had guessed - the old story of I'm not drinking for the month to detox after christmas didn't work! There were tears on both sides but she was very happy for me.

Congrats on your pregnancy, enjoy it!

Find a really lovely card thanking her for all her support over the years.

Say you'll always be there for her, no matter what.

then tell her about the PG.

Say how you're sure it will be her turn very soon.

Say you understand if this news makes her angry but that you felt that she'd be angrier if she heard from someone else.

it's tricky one but the only thing to do is be honest but also show that you care about her feelings

just tell her.
imagine how she'll feel if you don't and she does spot it?
you need to tell her for your own sake, you don't need the stress.
she doesn't want you to feel sorry for her.
you deserve this, she knows it too.
she WILL think "wish it was me" - you understand that. BUT it may also give her some hope?
tell her - maybe over the phone so she has the oppotunity to put on a brave face, then go away and cry and then get on with things. its not fair face to face as she then has to keep the act up.

similiar thing happened to me. both my friend and myself were having problems. she told me before any other friends over the phone. i appreciated it was hard for her and that she was being so considerate. i ended up getting pregnant (by ICSI) 5 months later.

I think in this situation, it's best to just be upfront about it and tell her when you see her. She might be able to tell anyway. By not saying anything at all or telling her beforehand, I would have thought you run the risk of making it more of an issue than it is. Chances are it will be a little awkward anyway, I think. I bumped into someone who had been trying for 4 years at a New Year's Eve party when I was 8 months pg and I felt really bad for being so heavily pg. Fortunately, she fell pg shortly afterwards on her first round of IVF and had twins!!

Oh, I should add: I will see her at a wedding of a mutual friend.

Glimmer - I'd phone her first and tell her before you go to see her. That way, she'll have time to do the bitter bit before you get there ... good luck - I've had much the same problem - my friend is still trying - but, strangely, because she knows about the MCs I had last year, she said she found it easier to cope with ... and I can totally understand her viewpoint on that.

x-post - in that case, I'd definitely phone her and let her know - it's so much more difficult to tell people at dos like that ...

One of my friends phoned me to tell me she was pg a couple of days before we were sue to bump into each other at a another friend's birthday party - it made it a lot easier for me - I could do my weeping and wailing before I got there, and by the time I went I was really happy for her, and could ask all the lovely questions ...

Agree with ejt if you're seeing her at a wedding. Best to ring for a chat and drop it into conversation beforehand...

Message withdrawn

Definitely tell her before the do but I am sure that although she will have a little envy she will not begrudge you your happyness after what you went through last year. It took me a long time to fall pg with DS2 and also this one and it was always those who fell pg without really trying that made me bitter, all I could feel was happy for those who had been through the mill to get there.

Thank you so much for your advice. I will call her on the weekend and talk to her. Your answers have convinced me that this is the right thing to do. Thanks and have a good weekend!

I have a friend who's been having awful trouble conceiving, so when I've been up the duff I tell her by email, so she doesn't have to even pretend to be pleased. Then warn other friends not to go on and on about it if we meet up and she's there. All v tricky, but worth it.

Hello, herby!!