trying to get pregnant

[1990fran]

Hi ladies,

I don't know if I am posting on the right group, I hope so!

just after some advice, guidance, or other peoples stories etc.

I had a miscarriage as 12 weeks back in September, it was an awful experience and despite the shock and horror of it all I wanted to keep trying, however have not yet since successfully conceived, I haven't paid attention to fertile days etc if im honest, I have just used a calculation thing today to work it out ongoing, my friend said it doesn't matter about fertile days but but reading online.. it does. My other half works away a lot so we don't see each other as much as I like, from now I am going to try on most fertile days to give a better chance.

My issue is that I am 30 in 2020 a few years ago I was adamant I would have kids around 30..i never thought I would have been in the position I was however the chances are so high one in 4, and now with not conceiving as yet I just feel like I am going to have issues run out of time, my friend said having kids after like 33 isn't good so I feel under so much pressure, and the stress I'm under to have kids now is making me ill... its like I'm forcing it massively to my partner, he wants children too but I am being obsessed with it stressed and getting myself so upset and angry when it doesn't work out, my parents want to be grandparents so much too it keeps getting mentioned and everything

does anyone have any tips/advice on conceiving, is there anything to better my chances, do I need to take any specific tablets, does having sex on the fertile days work out more effective and also am I leaving it to late?

sorry for the rant I have no one to talk to about this stuff and just feel I need to get it out of my head

X

So sorry to hear about your miscarriage

I think you've been given some conflicting and often poor advice by your friend, so no wonder you're confused!

You can only conceive on your fertile days but this doesn't mean you should focus on them completely if that doesn't work for you. You ovulate around 14 days before the start of your period (for some women this is 12 days, or 16 days, but it will generally stay the same for you between each month). You can only conceive from sex in the 5 days running up to your ovulation, the day of ovulation and up to 24-48hours afterwards as the egg dies if it is not fertilised.
Sperm can live for up to 5 days but this depends on the conditions.

Best bet would be try to have sex every other day throughout your cycle, but I see how this would be difficult for you with your partner working away.

There is also no reason why having kids after 33 "isn't good"! Female fertility does decline with age but there is no "fertility cliff" at 35 or whatever that you often hear in the media. You're 28 (same age as me) and although both of us would love to have a baby very soon, please try to be kinder to yourself and put yourself under less stress to conceive quickly.

It's such a stressful time TTC anyway and with your traumatic loss it must be much harder. Be gentle with yourself, have regular sex and it will probably happen soon.

You are absolutely not leaving it too late, so please don't worry about that. You are 28/29? You're at a great age for conceiving and will be for several more years. Don't get too hung up on the numbers - you are starting a family now and it won't make a difference whether baby arrives a little before or after your 30th birthday.

You and your partner will enjoy this journey much more if you aren't getting stressed about it. As for your parents, if they raise the subject again, just smile and say "hopefully soon" and leave it at that. Keep it vague. They don't need to know any more yet.

You are right - timing sex is very helpful in starting a family. You're only fertile for a short window every month, so it's vital to know when that is, especially if your partner is away. You probably feel like you have tried and failed to get pregnant the last couple of months, when it's very likely you just weren't having sex at the best time. I think it's nice to know when you are fertile, as it takes the pressure off the rest of the month. You could use an app like Flo to track your cycles.

As for tablets, start taking a prenatal vitamin now to make sure you are getting enough folic acid among other things. Your other half can take a multivitamin too. Aside from that, it's best if you both stop smoking, limit alcohol, and generally take care of yourselves - the usual stuff really.

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage- it's a heartbreaking experience and many of us here have been through it. You'd be surprised how many women around you have miscarried and not told anyone. It's unfortunately really common. But it's also very likely you will go on to have a successful pregnancy later on.

It sounds like you are on the right track now, and you have plenty of time, so try to relax and enjoy it :) Good luck!

Don't worry about your age - you have plenty of time. Yes, fertility does decline with age, but most women can get pregnant well into their 30s, and many at the end of their 30s, too. I got pregnant naturally and easily at the age of 40, had an absolute breeze of a pregnancy, and gave birth to a son who scored 9 on his first APGAR and 10 on his second. There are plenty of ladies around who have had similar experiences and are quite a bit older than you x

Sorry for your loss 💐 The timing of sex makes a massive difference to your chances of getting pregnant. You want to be having sex for the 4/5 days before ovulation and then on the days when you ovulate. I'd recommend getting some OPK tests like these which show you when your most fertile days are.

50 x One Step Highly Sensitive 20mIU Ovulation / Fertility Strip Tests (Wide Width). These are identical to what we supply to the NHS https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B001G7STT0/ref=cmswwrcppapiii_Da2lCbQVG2N4K

There are also some really good apps which help. Personally I use OVIA app.
Good luck