Is it normal to be so angry after another MC?

[Llanali]

TTC since 2016. Took 12 months to conceive, then a miscarriage at 14 weeks. Major haemorrhage, blood transfusions, week in hospital, Emergency surgery etc.

Three months to recover, then a long term uterine infection and anaemia.

Managed to finally conceive again a year later, Sept 2018 and now I’ve just had another miscarriage at 11 weeks.

I’m so fucking angry. I really really wanted a baby, what am I doing wrong?
I can’t bear the thought of another 12 months of trying before another 11-14 weeks of pregnancy and it all being for the square sum of fuck all.

Sorry. I’m grumpy. And sore, and sad. Is this remotely normal? I don’t think I’ll ever get there.


Very sorry for your losses.
The difficulty going forward is that technically for NHS investigations you need to have had 3 miscarriages. Can you afford for private fertility or recurrent miscarriage clinic to find if there is a reason why?

I am so so sorry for what you are going through. In a nutshell, yes it is totally normal to feel angry. I would be angry in your shoes too. It is one of the 'stages of grief' which may recede and re-emerge sometime later.

At one point, I sought a grief counsellor who helped me make sense of my feelings. Those feelings didn't go away, but made me understand why I was feeling them and thus made me feel a wee bit kinder to myself.

YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. So please don't think that at all. It's hugely unfair.

Are they going to do any testing/ investigations?

Thank you both for your input.

No, they won’t investigate, and they won’t help us conceive as we had only been trying 12 months, and they re set the clock each time you conceive even when it doesn’t get you a baby. So they will say that next month is cycle 1, so won’t investigate why it takes so long. I’m 30, DH 36, neither smoke nor drink much. I’m a bit over weight but not dramatically and exercise five days a week. Active lifestyle for both of us.

I’m not even sure I want to bother trying again. I’m fed up of the whole bloody thing. There’s so little point. It will take ages, and then it will end up with blood and a general anaesthetic all over again.
Sorry. I’m being very negative. I’ll feel better soon.

You're entitled to feel very negative.

Is it worth pursuing private testing?

I don’t know. Probably not, I wouldn’t have thought- after “just” two MC. I’m not sure? I’ll have a look into it. I have had tissue samples taken for histology.

With it taking so long to conceive, I don’t think I always ovulate properly. My cycles are around 35 days. I’m going to ask the GP, the EPU mentioned Clomid and some other things which might be worth a discussion...

Thanks for being here, PhysicsKate

I'd investigate you with the basics we can do in GP (bloods to confirm ovulation/rule out conditions which might affect fertility) with this history. It's just the secondary care referral that they would bounce for not adhering to the rules.
(GP)

Clomid is an option if you're not ovulating but it is a "specialist only" medication so will have to come from a gynaecologist/fertility specialist not your GP.

So sorry to hear your story. I had 2 miscarriages before having DD1 and another in between DD1 and DD2. My miscarriages were early and in no way as traumatic as yours, but I remember alternating between feeling angry and totally lost and desperate. I felt like I would never laugh again, never dance again and that a part of me had died. The early parts of my successful pregnancies were a time of fear, too. I have no practical advice to offer at all. But I wish you luck for the future and the baby that you long for .

I would be angry too.

I would definitely ask your GP for the “first round” blood tests, in particular to check ovulation and thyroid. Maybe also PCOS testing though that involves a scan so GP may be more reluctant.