who would like to join me in a non judgement vent about TTC?

[finleybobinley1]

so, currently been TTC for 8 months with no luck, finding every month more and more difficult, have two family members become pregnant this time, both in the first two months of trying and i am obviously happy for them however hearing everyone talk about how exciting it is and phrases like "it happened much faster than they anticipated" makes me want to both tear my hair out and curl into a ball and cry. feeling this negative about a positive event makes me feel like a nasty selfish person on top of being insanely jealous, i have only told a handful of people we are TTC so finding it difficult to express all my feelings to anyone who would understand and not simply say "just relax, it will happen for you", i don't want reassurance, i just want to get these feelings and selfish thoughts out and hear from other people feeling or going though similar situations so i don't feel so alone.

Hi @finleybobinley1. I posted a very similar thread the other day and had some lovely responses from people. I'm ttc #1 and on cycle 8 almost 9. In this time I have had several friends and family announce their pregnancies or give birth (one of them got pregnant by accident - seriously ffs I try my hardest and she does it by mistake!) I'm generally quite a normal person (I think) but I have become resentful and jealous and definitely angry at myself for not being able do what it feels everyone other woman I know is able to do. I won't give words of reassurance as I know you don't want them. All I will say is it's shit and it's not fair. And how you feel is normal and you are definitely not a nasty selfish person. We just really really really want to get pregnant. And hopefully we will soon!

It only gets worse with the more time that passes. I found a few counselling sessions to be helpful - they didn't change there situation, just how I felt about it.

Yep. I agree with absolutely everything you’ve said. My sister is pregnant, she is due two weeks before I would have been had I not miscarried, and not being especially sensitive about it. I don’t have anything much to add, other than how much I hate how hyper aware TTC has made me of every tiny thing my body does, so I overthink and talk myself into having symptoms every single month. It’s exhausting and horrible and you’ve summed up exactly how I feel too. It’s not fair, and we’re allowed to feel like this, and you aren’t on your own

wow I didn't really know what to expect after posting last night, i was unconvinced for a long time that i would ever want children but always assumed I could have them and now my breeding instincts have seemed to kick in big time I'm beginning to question of it's even possible. i did the worst thing and started googling how long it takes on average and found a stat that said most people will become pregnant after 6 months and i sent me into a bit of a panic, but reading this has made me feel so much better. it's crap you are all going through this too but so refreshing to hear your honest thoughts rather than everyone pretending they are ok. yer it is shit, unfair and gets worse every month, and my god I think every period I've had this year has been slightly different just enough to get my hopes up only to have them smashed again, and on top of that I'm having to plan around Christmas if I can drink or not depending where my cycle is and trying to think of excuses for when my friends ask why I'm not drinking and it will almost definately be for nothing. bring me some balloons I'm having serious pity party over here

I'm feeling this. Just had another BFN and feel like it will never happen, really had it in my head when we started trying in the spring that I'd be pregnant at Christmas! Needless to say that's not the case and I feel a bit lost. Everyone seems to be getting knocked up having babies with gay abandon and I feel broken I know many, many people try for a lot longer than 7/8 months but it's hard to be logical!

I know how you feel. Doing iui and soon to do our 5th insemination. Had a miscarriage after first insemination. I was supposed to give birth in February while my friend is being induced tomorrow. I'm super happy for her and excited but it is frustrating that I'm still not even pregnant yet and here she is about to give birth.
We started ttc around the same time as well.

Balloons incoming!! 🎈🎈🎈
Pity party in full swing here

@daydreamdaisy, i also know two friends the same age as me who both took over a year with their first but this doesn't seem to register with me, and for my group of friends no body really talks about TTC you only ever hear when they are pregnant and its like yey!! big grin, but really your heart is breaking.
good luck @MamaDane sounds like you have had a tough ride, i always feel like i'm being left behind watching everyone else start their families, and people say silly things like "at least you don't have to worry about that yet" in regards to no sleep or nappies and you have to just bite your tongue.
roll out the cake, this party is just getting started

I'm in the same boat as you! I feel exactly the same; nearly 9 months trying and every month I tell myself not to stress or overthink it but it's so hard. I spend the week before my period is due dreading it.
Another thing driving me crazy: "when are you guys gonna have a baby??" from friends and family. I'm from the UK but living in Germany, and it seems it's much more acceptable for people to ask you when your gonna have a baby over here than in the UK. Persistently. Even though our go-to answer is always "we don't have any plans for babies".
I think having a rant is good sometimes, and it's nice to know we're not alone.

I was asked at a fucking job interview the other day if I was going to have kids soon. Cue death stare.

We are constantly asked this by family and friends as we are recently married and it drives me fucking mental. What makes me even more cross (with myself) is that my go-to answer is ‘not yet.’ Why can’t I just tell them to piss off? Or better yet tell them that not everyone can conceive at the drop of at hat? Why does it have to be such a big bloody (self imposed) secret that I can’t get fucking pregnant.

Oooh dear, I’ve re-angered myself. I’m enjoying this party

@FucksBizz - it is illegal for you to be asked that question at interview as it's discrimination based on sex...

hi, @physicskate i was thinking the same thing, my sister got casually asked if she was thinking of having more children by her boss and everyone was like ooooooh you cannot say that!!!
@Liluliana oh no having people ask is the worst, there seems to be two camps in the UK the blatant "when you having a baby" gang and then the people who are so scared of saying something wrong they do the whole "well if you did ever think about deciding to consider the possibility of children", they mean well but it still puts you on the spot. i had a friend who has decided not to have kids tell me she thought it was fine that we hadn't started trying for kids yet...she was trying to be supportive but was so far off the mark, i was all i could do from yelling at her "we ARE trying we are just crap at it"
@FucksBizz "Why does it have to be such a big bloody (self imposed) secret that I can’t get fucking pregnant" you summed up my frustration perfectly. i told close friends they would have to pay me £1 every time they questioned, joked or hinted about me and babies and that quickly quietened them down. and is it me or is everything on telly about babies, every advert, every story line? buying all these little ones xmas presents is also a painful reminder.