Feeling down in the dumps :(

[Willowjasmine]

Hi everyone... I just want to see if anyone out there feels like I do. Been TTC for about 8 months now and have PCOS. I know 8 months isn't long but feels like a lifetime at the moment. What I'm finding really difficult at the moment is the sheer volume of pregnancy/birth announcements in my life at the moment. It's like every single day someone else has good news. Now I always promised myself I would never let myself become resentful and jealous of other people getting pregnant before me (especially as I don't know what struggles they themselves may have overcome to get their BFP) and it's just not in my nature to be like this, but I do feel so upset whenever I see/hear another one, to the point that I'm considering deactiviating all my social media. Does anyone else feel like this or have I just become an awful person?

I routinely burst into tears when I find out people are pregnant friends, family, celebrities, you name it.

It's normal to feel envious and upset that it hasn't happened for you yet. Just let it out and try to move on.

Also might be worth jumping on the TTC bus which is full of support.

@PaintingOwls Thank you for your reply. I'm the same, it just feels like it's getting out of hand. Need to try and give myself a short time to feel sad and then try to move on like you said.

i feel like this regularly i also have pcos and have just started cycle 12 and made a jan bus thread.

i hate all the announcements and when people say relax it will happen

@TtcIAm thank you for your reply. I may jump on your bus! "Relax and it will happen" agreed easier said than done. This month we sacked off the OPKs and decided to just DTD every 2-3 days. That's my version of relaxing lol. No idea what else to do!

I’m “only” on cycle 5 but I am finding it really hard. The number of people who keep asking me if I have kids, do I want kids etc has gone up hugely in the past few months (possibly because of my age) but it’s so hard to keep my composure when that happens.

I’m having a very bad day with it today, truth be told. But TTC is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

@DuchessofPemberley same!!! I'm 30 and been married for a few years so I almost feel like it's expected of me. People ask in such a patronising way too, like "shouldn't you be thinking about having a baby now?" I used to laugh it off or make some flippant remark but I almost want to put people in their place now to make them realise it's not ok. However as much as I want to, i know I won't because I don't want people knowing my business. So grin and bear it it will be. What do you say when people ask you?

I feel like this too. It's hard and very lonely, especially when DH is more laid back - wants a baby but not in the same almost desperately physical way that I do! I can barely see a baby on TV without feeling teary! I keep trying to remind myself that one day in the future, the time we spent waiting won't matter at all because we will be so grateful to have a child. It's so tough though!

@daydreamdaisy I hope you're right. I think it's so different for the men. I'm like you too, whenever i see someone with a baby I feel like the longing is written all over my face and my ovaries have started glowing or something. V hard to keep cool when you're yearning so much for it.

please do come join me as i'm all by myself at the moment :(

I can completely understand how you're feeling. We've been trying for a year and due to our ages (35/36) we've just taken the step to starting fertility testing. It's heartbreaking.

I was in a cafe the other day with work colleagues and there were lots of mums with small babies. I must have been lost in thought watching them (sounds creepier than it was!) and my colleague commented saying you'll be wanting one next (married this year). I had to fob him off, jabbered on about focusing on the house and doing that up. He gave me a knowing eyebrow raise. Part of me wants to tell people but the other part just hides it away.

There is really good support on here and I've also found a good community on Instagram of all places. It's comforting to know that others can understand.

@VenusStarr haha I do the non-creepy baby watching too! Really can't help it, I'm obsessed.

I really hope your fertility testing goes well and you get some answers, and more importantly solutions. It really does help being on MN, I'm on a few threads and do lurk on some other ones 😂 especially because I'm trying not to tell anyone we are TTC. And the friends that i have told aren't interested in babies yet, so they don't understand why I feel so down and fed up, through no fault of their own.

Some days it just feels very overwhelming. AF due this weekend and I just know it's another month without my bfp.

@willowjasmine I just say I want kids, but not right now. That stops most people trying to convince me to have kids. Like you we’ve been married a few years so I think people are confused as to why we haven’t yet.

I can’t tell people we’re trying because I’m so emotional about it. If anyone showed me sympathy in real life I might actually cry.

I did cry today. My period is due on Weds and I can feel my body gearing up. I know it sounds melodramatic but my period feels like a five day constant reminder that I’m not having a baby. I’m so cut up about it - I feel pathetic.

@venusstarr best of luck with the fertility testing. Good on you being so proactive!

@TtclAm I hate when people say “it’ll happen too. I know they mean well, but they can’t possibly know.

@DuchessofPemberley you're not pathetic at all. Or if you are then I am too! I said the whole not right now thing too to a colleague. He had the cheek to respond with "well your clocks ticking, you don't have forever you know" I actually nearly burst into tears/slapped him. It's bad enough knowing people are probably thinking something must be wrong with us for not having kids yet, but unhelpful and rude comments that are supposed to be "funny" just rub salt in the wound.

Oh my God that’s awful! I never know why people say such thoughtless things.

A woman I work with told me that she used to be like me, running around only caring about myself with no responsibilities, but she has two kids depending on her. I mean, there are people who choose not to have kids who have full lives and don’t “only care about themselves”.

That's horrible. And they don't realise how much you want one which makes you feel worse. You almost want to say well if I had my way i would have 2 kids too! But like I said before you just can't. Doesnt mean you're life is any less meaningful or you're any less responsible. Just another kick in the teeth from thoughtless people.

@Willowjasmine
What you're feeling is totally normal. I have been feeling like this for ages after ttc for nearly 2 years and 2 miscarriages. It makes it hard to deal with when you're waiting for it to be 'your turn'. I can't give much advice as I'm dealing with the same feelings myself but my partner and I have made two promises to each other. We would plan more things to look forward to try and take the edge off things. As I put off making plans for the future 'incase I'm pregnant'. I've realised my life can't go on hold until I'm pregnant. I need to live life right now and if I'm pregnant--bonus. The other promise I made was not to test early. Which I am going to try my hardest on.

Your time will come and I know it's hard when everyone seems to be falling pregnant. But your time will come and when it does all of this will be gone. You'll forget you ever felt like this.

@London91 thank you so much for your lovely uplifting message. I'm so sorry to hear your journey has been so tough ☹ it's so unfair. You're absolutely right about not putting things on hold - That's one thing I have decided to do too. I hope you find the strength to hold off on the testing! I'm trying to enjoy doing things that I wouldn't be able do if I was pregnant/had a baby. It helps-ish.