Anyone else experiencing this? In 30s and can't decide when to try for kids

[RumbaShaker]

For the past year my maternal switch goes on and off on a daily basis. DH and I got married in 2017, own a 2-bed property, both in full-time steady jobs with decent salaries. I turned 32 last week and I really don't know when to. DH is 5 years younger than me - I know if we were the same age he'd happily wait much longer. However he wants children (more than one ideally) and it's always been out in the open with both of us on board that he'd potentially be a dad before he hit 30.

I once read that the day you decide you're ready to try for a baby is the day you're ready for someone to place a newborn in your arms, not the day you're ready for all the potential ups and downs. I have a constant feeling that we'll get to that 'ideal place' for starting to try...and nothing will happen. Yet we'll never know until we try..so we have to be somewhat ready before we do!

I wondered if anyone else was/is in a similar place; and how you feel right now, or what you decided?

Here's a list of thoughts that go in/out of my head at least once a day:

I'm an only child and always longed for a sibling, so would definitely like more than one child.

At 32 I highly doubt I'd get pregnant on first go.

My best friend is a year younger than me and has been trying for 18 months with no joy.

I want to look for a more senior role in my field, ideally with a higher salary - what if I end up somewhere that only offers statutory maternity pay? We'd get by but I always envisaged being somewhere with enhanced pay and able to budget to take one year off.

Its been a shitty year for both of our families and we've lost family members (young and old), experiencing sudden loss makes me realise the value of family and wonder if we should start sooner rather than later?

We're going to Hawaii next November to a friends wedding.

We enjoy a bit of 'the good life' - theatre, cinema trips a few times a month; dinner out or a takeaway at least once a week; holidays/weekend breaks 5 x a year - we know that would have to reduce drastically, would I miss it loads when it did?

Would I enjoy motherhood now? Or ever??

Thanks for reading if you've got this far!

I think there is never a good time to have a baby. There is always an excuse a reason why not to have a baby. But there is also a reason why so many people go on to have a baby :) Most people do not feel 100% ready. There is always the trip, the holiday, the wedding etc. But that is part of being a parent. The sacrifices you make and you will make A LOT of them. You do not realise until you have your babies all the sacrifices and things you give up. However, people go on to have more then one usually so it must be worth it. We are currently hoping to have a third. I had my first at 29 and do not regret it for one minute. I opted to have my baby at the time instead of waiting for a big wedding. Never regretted it.

It's not all that great OP.

I have 1 and regret it. Not my DC themselves, but just parenthood in general.

Bit of a ball ache a lot of the time. Some nice bits, made nicer and more frequent by having an only child with no interruptions.

I see people with more than one and wonder how they do it. Some nice bits, yes, but one of the kids always seems to come along and ruin it. Kids are fucking pains.

That thing you read is claptrap

Nobody is ever ready to be handed a newborn, but it happens anyway at the end of the 9 months.

If I was you I'd just go for it. You don't know how long it will take. And to counterbalance the above post, my kids are a bit older now, 9 and 7, but today they've both made me stupidly proud to the point of tears, and laugh my ass off. Nobody else in the world could do that.

Here's my opinion - if you're going to do it, do it sooner rather than later. I had my 2 in my late 30s. I'm now mid 40s and permanently exhausted! I keep thinking "oh my God, I'm going to have teenagers in my 50s" and I feel worn out thinking of it! Don't get me wrong I love having kids and mine are great. I just really wish I'd done it earlier. My friend is the same age as me and hers are grown up and she has all the freedom to do what she wants. Like Mamabear said there's never a right time to have kids. It will never feel 100% right. Even when pregnant and when I had newborns it didn't feel like I was completely sure! But you get on with it. Of course you'll miss your pre - kids life but you have a new and different life to enjoy. You lose a lot when you have kids but gain a lot too.

I’d say it sounds like you’ve got a decent amount of time, even if you want two or more.
If your fertility is average now aged 32, it’s likely to be normal for your age in a year or 2. If there’s an issue, with whichever of you now, that would likely still be present too whenever you decide to try.

In your position I’d concentrate on the senior job move for the next 12-18 months, save as much as possible between you for that time and through any pregnancy to fund your mat leave and get used to potentially coping with less income/childcare costs. I’d look at reassessing the ttc position after your Hawaii trip and look towards that as potentially your last big blowout before DC.

Whatever you decide keep enjoying your newlywed/couple time and really focus on saving.

32 is pretty young but yeah I would crack on tbh. The bad bits are pretty awful and most of it is mundane but it really does have its moments.

Nobody is ever ready for a newborn to be placed in their arms. That is 100% gold-plated bullshit. Women who are 42 weeks pregnant aren't really ready to give birth, but they have to crack on, so they do. I'm not really ready to be A Mother, but I have two kids, so I have to saddle up and get it done. And I do.

You sound as ready as anyone ever is to me. You're married, you have a home and a job, you both agree you want kids. The rest is just window dressing. The day you're waiting for is never coming. Decide to leap off the cliff or stay on the edge until age decides for you, your call, but it will always be a cliff and no one is coming with a ladder.

There’s no right time. Stop using contraception, have sex (more than once ideally) and see what happens. Just have a sex life. No temping, no ovulation Kits etc. See what happens.

I would wait until after Hawaii esp if you have booked it already.
See what you can do jobwise in the meantime.

stop I actually agree with a lot of what you are saying but, now I'm on the other side (young teens) I'm actually coming around to this parenting lark.
I missed a big trip to Florida when I was pregnant which pissed me off for years but I am very happy with my life now.
As has been said there is always a reason not to. Unless you 100% don't want children I would just go for it.

Things like holidays are pretty small fry in the grand scheme of things. You do miss it but you will have fun holidays and meals out with your children instead.

I started ttc at the same age as you and didn't have dd until 34. Now pregnant again at 38. And I do feel a bit old to be doing this now to be honest. So if you want more than one I would crack on now.

I would not wait. My sister in law started trying at 31 and it took her 8 years to have a baby. They wanted a second, but was not able to have a second (miscarriage and couldn’t get pregnant again). So they have one child. I know this is not the norm, but if you know you want kids I wouldn’t wait if you are over 30. Especially if you want two. I wish I didn’t wait for my third. I’m now 35. We have two kids. And I wish I started trying two years ago! Ah well. Crossing fingers and hoping for the best.

Personally I wouldn't wait. We started trying at 34, 18 months later we're starting IVF, unexplained infertility. If you're ready go for it.

There is never a right time the have a baby, everyone is individual so you may conceive first month (my friend did and she’s same age as you), no one ever knows how they will feel or deal with things until it happens but just don’t leave it too late. Take it from someone who had a termination at age 25 because I didn’t feel ready and wanted a career first but is now nearly 33 and been trying for a year.

There is never a right time! Me & my DP are both 27, been together almost 12 years and have known for ages we'd eventually want kids but up until this summer our life's just continued on without it in the imminent future. Until I had a really odd week where I thought I was pregnant, still on the pill by this point, and I did my first ever pregnancy test which was negative. We were both disappointed & admitted it to eachother so we saw that as a sign, I came off the pill and we've been trying a relaxed approach since. I've been off the pill since August and nothing has happened yet. We both have supportive families and friends, secure decent paid jobs and own our house so what more do we need really? I'll crap myself a little when I do finally get a BFP because then it'll become real 😂