Afraid to try again

[Amanda2424]

Hi i'm very new to this site and usually quite a realistic and logical person .

Prior to the early pregnancy blood test i was quite pessimistic and didnt want to get my hopes up but when the nurse said you can only get a positive urine test result by being pregnant (having tested positive a week before) i allowed myself to be excited and happy about being pregnant.

A few days later I received a call from the same nurse saying it was just a chemical pregnancy.

At first i covered it with a brave face and 'these things happen' but inside i felt so sad and made me realise how much i did/do want to get pregnant.

And because of my pessimistic nature i hadn't told anyone except my husband about the positive result or subsequent chemical pregnancy.

Now a month on I've subconsciously not even wanted to try again for fear of it not taking/lasting.

Not sure how to move on or past it and i know there are women who have had greater loses or problems but for me this is a feeling/emotions i was not expecting.

Sorry to hear you've been through this OP. I am terrified of miscarriage and I know I'd feel the same in your position. However, there's nothing to do but to carry on. I have seen so many people on here struggle with chemicals and miscarriages only to go on to have healthy normal pregnancies, which is inspiring.

I am 6+2 now and I'm trying not to let myself feel excited until we're 12+ and on safer ground.

At the end of the day a loss is a loss regardless of how far along you are. You need to give yourself time to grieve lovely and take your time. Start to txt when your ready.

The thought of it happening again is overwhelming, I had a loss at 11 weeks and another at 5.5 weeks. The truth is its petrifying but when you do get pregnant again you just have to take each day as it comes!

Be kind to yourself and tell your partner how you feel if you can. It helps to talk about it and have a really really good cry!

Sorry for your loss hunni. 🥀

That was meant to say ttc when you're ready. X

I completely recognise those feelings. The only thing that helped me get through those emotions (and ensuing depression) was getting pregnant two years and a year and a half later (I had two chemicals before this current ivf pregnancy).

You can seek support. I found counselling a bit helpful. Most people don't tell anyone but their oh until the 12 week mark so they don't have to discuss it if it all goes wrong, which isn't to say that's the 'right' thing to do.

I planted a tree. It didn't really help but I do get joy when it blooms (it's a magnolia tree).

It's shite. No one disagrees.

Thank you all for your kind words of support..since the initial have spoken to my partner more and tried to explain how i'm still upset about it. We've decided to continue trying but minus the schedule and ovulation days at least for a while...just to take the pressure off.