It’s killing me, I’m broken

[Cookienut]

I have been trying for a baby for 10 months, during this time I’ve been diagnosed with PCOS and recently I was placed on Metformin. The last couple of days I’ve been convinced that I was pregnant. I took a test and it was negative. I know it sounds ridiculous but I can’t stop crying. I’m not sure how much more of this I can take. I’m so desperate for a baby now that every time I see one I get a lump in my throat. My doctor doesn’t seem to be listening to me when I tell him how depressed and stressed this is making me. I’m at a loss of what to do. I’m on edge. Please help

Sorry you are going through this. I’ve been there too and it was heartbreaking. The only thing that would make the pain go away was a baby. You have to keep going. Don’t give up! In all likelihood you will have your baby and when you do it will be all the more magical. It took me nearly four years and IVF before I had my first. I had very odd cycles with lots of spotting. I went to the GP at the very beggining because of the bleeding and got fobbed off time and time and time again. After waiting a couple of years we had our application for funding declined because I got pregnant for all of five minutes so had to go private because (they reset the ‘clock’ from the date of the pregnancy - even though I miscarried at five weeks ) and mentally I wasn’t able to cope with it anymore. Just don’t give up OP you will get there. I have quite a few friends who have had problems conceiving and all of them apart from one person ended up having a baby.

You need to be referred to a fertility clinic, your doctor won't be able to help you like they can.
Sounds like your not ovulating, in that case you need to be on Clomid, they will start u off on 50mg, but it took the full 150mg to get me to ovulate, I was also on metformin.
They will do scans and blood test and it's all monitored and it will help you. We had been trying for 2 years for our second and it took 5 months of fertility treatment before we got him :)
The fertility clinic can also offer councilling to help you as it's the most stressful situation you go through in life :(
My little one is nearly 2 now :)

Physicskate yes I was definitely desperate and dramatic, once I started talking I couldn’t stop. It’s been my 1563782 breakdown of the day, I work in a school and just sat in the car staring at at the building this morning a colleague of mine knocked on the car window and coaxed me in to work. I got in to work saw 2 of my best work friends and there it was the lump in my throat, couldn’t speak and then began crying infront if a canteen full of teenagers. One of my other best work friends was told about it by some of their form so cue them finding me out and seeing it was okay and again I began hysterically crying. What I think has helped is having people to talk to. My mom has a enough going on at the moment so I can’t talk to her, my sister is too young to understand. My friend are currently backpacking around the world so not something you can discuss with them. Now I have people I can talk to I feel a weight has been lifted.

Anotherneter it’s so difficult isn’t it ? Especially with doctors who don’t fully understand, it’s alright them telling us it will happen in time and them fobbing is off but we are living this on a daily basis our lives are consumed by us wanting a child. It’s such a shame about how chronically underfunded the fertility services are when it’s such a common issue and yet our doctors don’t fully understand our issues. I’m hoping one day my time will come and it will be even sweeter when it comes.

Metformin takes awhile to build up and work to its full potential. You need provera to get a period started and prolly some clomid alongside metformin to get you ovulating. A lot of guidelines say that you've got to have been trying for 12m before getting a referral to a fertility clinic where you'd get the clomid. Are you a healthy BMI? That with metformin together can make a huge difference but sometimes you just need things working together. Have had all of the above so feel free to ask any questions. My DS is a metformin and clomid baby and is 11m today. Good luck!

Lorddenning1 the impression I’ve got along my journey is my doctor doesn’t want to refer me anywhere. I’m hoping that when he said come back in a month and he will look at a medication alternative the next step after that is a referral. I’m
Going to wait out the new year and if no period I’m going to demand a referral as we will then have been a year. It’s definitely the most stressful period of your life and until people have been through it they don’t understand, it’s ncie to hear positives from people who have been through similar so that you have some hope.

@cookienut my shit time ttc was my final straw to quit teaching! Took two and a half years to (very very luckily) get pregnant through ivf. Quit at Easter. Ivf in June this year.

@physicskate once this academic year is done my hours will be reduce. I’m an lsp who wanted to go on to become an English teacher at one point I was teaching 12 hours on a lsp wage as I was completing my det. I completed this but decided not to go on and complete my qtls for a number of reasons, I asked to be paid equally as some other members of staff who did the same qualification as me and were paid as an unqualified teacher and they told me 2 days before the end of term I would be loosing all my hours. They then realised that they needed me to do the hours and offered theme back I took them mainly because I wanted to see my life skills classes through to the end of year 11, once my year 10s leave I won’t be teaching at all and will be back full time as an lsp. I’m quite happy about this no data, parents evening etc but I’ll still be making a difference in other ways. I think however if it wasn’t for the lovely kids and colleagues I would have gone at summer after that. I also think come 5 years time there will not be many lsps/support staff in school due to the cuts, the sen kids we work with bring in some money through ehcps but not enough to cover the full amount of staff and as many teachers don’t use us effectively eg no planning, no backing and sometimes completely ignoring us as they don’t want us in their lesson, I can’t seem them paying out for us much longer. This would be an awful shame as it’s only the kids who will suffer from this. Our education system is broken and will take a long time to fix unfortunately.

@physicskate apologies about the errors. I forgot to preview before posting