5 months after miscarriage and it's not getting easier

[lillybo14]

This is month 5 after my early miscarriage and I just wanted to write this post in the hopes of getting a little understanding and reassurance that things will start to feel better.

4 years ago I experienced an ectopic pregnancy while on birth control and that resulted in the loss of a tube. At the time I never really allowed myself time to grieve or recover and just got on with things. I did think at the time that any future baby making would be a difficult journey, but I never expected a miscarriage.

After trying to conceive for 9 months, we got our BFP and I miscarried at 5 weeks. At the same time, my sister in law was also expecting and I started to find it unbearable to be around her and her pregnancy. My husbands family are very close and I currently live in their family home with my mother-in-law. Just about a month after our loss, she wanted to come around and do a gender reveal. At the time I declined and left the house for the evening. Ever since then, my sadness at our loss has just continued to grow and I haven't been able to be around her or any other pregnant friends. I have friends due the same time I would have been and I haven't been able to congratulate them. I know it's not their fault, but I see pregnant people and babies as an unbearable reminder.

My sister-in-law sent an insensitive message inviting me to her baby shower, the words share baby tips was used and that just tipped me over the edge. My husband has tried to be supportive, but he loves his sister dearly and can't seem to bring himself to tell her how it makes me feel. She's known from day one about our loss.

Fast forward to baby arriving and I had a breakdown from the terrifying realisation that I couldn't avoid this or her anymore. Also as part of their culture is that she will move back into the family home for at least two weeks with the baby. I can't do it. Anxiety attacks are happening every other day and the only solution that any of them will support, is me moving out for the duration of her stay.

I'm desperate at this point and don't know how to cope. The home I share with my husband no longer feels like home or a place I feel secure. I dread turning into the street every night in case she is there and it's all just getting too much.

I've tried putting my big girl pants on but it doesn't work. Any advice and will this pain ever go away?

Just wanted to say I am sorry for your loss, I am o my 5 weeks into my loss and I'm really struggling I lost my baby at 8 weeks after seeing the heart beating away at two previous scans and it's really hit me hard when the scan was still.

I'm having my first AF since baby went and I'm really struggling with memories that come from seeing the blood.

I have no advice for your situation, just wanted to know your not alone, it's a hard process, be kind to yourself your doing amazing xx

CN you get your own home? You probably need space.
Some people react differently to miscarriage, i was upset I wasn't treated normally as I didnt want to be mollycoddled

Have you seen your GP? Perhaps you need to get some counselling? Or advice on conception after tube removal

It will happen for you, it's just time and I realise you don't want to wait, I didn't either but after starting in early 2006 we had our babies in late 2008 and early 2012 with multiple miscarriages but we got there and you will too ❤️

Thanks @flumpybear @OctoberGirl91

Own house isn't on the cards for at least 6 months. Counselling is something I've put off but think I need to try it. Your words have given me comfort. I hope it happens for us. The doctors aren't concerned about my having one tube, only that we need to check any pregnancy early to make sure it's in the right space.

Sorry about your recent loss @OctoberGirl91 - I found every period difficult since. You aren't alone either x

I'm so sorry for your loss @lillybo14. What you've been through is just awful and doesn't sound like you have very supportive or sensitive in laws.

Definitely look into getting some counselling as it could help if you feel ready for it now.

To help protect yourself though, do you have a friend or other family member you could stay with for a couple of weeks? This is about self preservation and if you need space between you and your SIL and the baby then do what it takes - they have to understand and support you and be sensitive to your feelings.

I can totally relate to how you feel about other pregnancy and birth announcements, I am in that same place. It's totally natural given what you've gone through and will take time to learn to cope with the pain and grief and dealing with all the baby news. Take all the time you need. I hope you can get the right support you need x

I'm so sorry for you loss and to hear about your struggles.

I have also struggled with infertility and understand how hard it is to be around others who are pregnant. Even more
So when you are living with it so closely.

I'm sure your sister in law was not meaning to be insensitive, she wouldn't have wanted to leave you out and probably just didn't think.

One thing I learned along the way is to channel my energy into focusing on our situation rather than on other peoples, and on making it happen for us. Everyone has there struggle in life. I believed that my turn to be pregnant would come, and it did. Don't get me wrong, it took a lot of effort and there were setbacks and miscarriages along the way, but we got there in the end.

My advice would be to keep trying, and if it doesn't happen soon to seek medical advice.

Wishing you all the very best, good luck!