Being positive after a MMC

[GemmaJen]

Hi,

From anyone who's had a MC how did you stay positive? I've just had an assisted MC after finding out at 11 weeks we had an MMC that stopped growing at 8w. I'm gutted. It was our first time trying and we got pregnant straight away, at first shocked but so excited. Now I just feel so disappointed that I'm struggling to look forward at all. Just feel stuck in a rut. It doesn't help that my sister is pregnant, everything going fine at 8w, I am so happy for her but everytime it's mentioned I just break down. I want to try again straight away, but know if it doesn't happen I'm going to have to watch my sister going through it all. Feeling at a loss right now.

Any positive thoughts appreciated. How did you get through an MC, I can't even imagine what it must be like to go through multiple.

Hello, I am so sorry to hear you have been through this awful thing too. I also had a MMC and exactly same circumstances at you. My first pregnancy, fell pregnant first go, found out at my 12 week scan that the little heart beat had stopped at 8 weeks. My body had not recognised the loss, no signs of misscariage - still had symptoms. It’s absolutely Gut wrenching. It’s having something you wanted and were looking forward to so much snatched from your grasp. Please don’t feel alone,your really not. Also please don’t feel guilty because it’s not your fault. On a positive note one thing I can tell you is , it gets easier to deal with. It’s such a unique ‘grief’ if you haven’t had it before but over time you accept and look to the future. I had mine at the the end of July. I’m now on cycle 3 of trying again and rebuilding. I was at an all time low 3 months ago I didn’t know how I would ever get over it, now we(me and hubs)are getting back on track and I’m starting to enjoy things again and feel like me as I lost myself. Meeting ladies on this forum that have been through it all as well as people I know (so many that have been through it to approach you when they know you have been through it too) is also a massive help. I am also terrified of going through it again, when it does happen again the first 3 months will be hell as well as getting on that bed for the 12 week scan all over again 😪 but if you really want something so bad you battle though. Massive hugs to you. You will be ok and you will get your rainbow💕xxxx

Oh @GemmaJen I'm so sorry to hear about your MC. I've not had an MC, but I can imagine the pain. I think, as with all of this TTC stuff, you have to just keep trying, confide in the right friends to support you. If you have to distance yourself from your sister for a few weeks, hopefully she'll understand.

@Babycakes1989 Thank you for your reply. At the moment it does seem like this insurmountable thing and I'm struggling to find a way forward other than just wanting to be pregnant again asap. I'm sorry that you've been through the same thing, it's good to know it gets better. Finding out at 12 weeks must have been awful. For me being in the waiting room for my u/s surrounded by happy people knowing that our outcome wasn't positive, was excruciating. I got my diary out last night and started planning some outings, hobby goals and a little holiday in hope that it would help. I think it did a little. I'm certainly feeling more positive this morning, having got it off my chest on here, other than just to my husband has helped too.

When do you know you can start trying again? And how do you maximize your chances?

Thoughts to you, and best of luck TTC, a BFP won't be too far away xxx

Thank you @RMarieClaire. I'm feeling so conflicted about the whole thing, I hope it gets better. I want to be happy but at the same time the idea that she's going to have a baby makes me so sad. I hope it gets better when things aren't so fresh. At present I'm just dreading the next 7 months, having to appear supportive when it just feels so unfair. We have a really good relationship but I don't feel like I can share this with her. It makes me feel like such a terrible person.

Been back to the hospital today, they didn't think they needed to do another round of treatment. Just need another u/s Monday to confirm, but feeling a lot more positive now that the process seems to be coming to an end. Looking forward to starting again or at least TTC.

How long did it take for a neg test after m/c?

Thank you for giving me a listening ear, much easier to deal with when you can talk to people who have been through this crappy situation too X

In regards to trying again I was told by the hospital to wait for your first proper period and then carry on. Mine came back about 5 weeks after, unfortunately my cycles are a bit up in the air at the moment. 1st was 28 (normal) but 2nd was 21 days and I been getting a lot of hormone change side affects. Everyone’s different. I know what you mean when you say being pregnant again is all you think about, I have to admit I still feel the same even now. People tell you to relax take your time etc etc but it’s impossive when you want it so much! When my 2nd period arrived recently I went on a downer but now I’ve accepted that my body will do the right thing and when it’s ready I’m sure it will happen in due course. It’s just hard sometimes, I feel sad as loads of my friends keep announcing their bfp so I can imagine your own sister must be a lot harder. Just remember it’s YOUR baby you want nobody else’s. You will have your time 😘 I really wish you luck too. Vented and talking on here always helps a littlme xxxxx

And in regards to getting a negative test I got my 3 weeks later. Which Is when they recommend you test. I had closure when I had that, a lot of sadness but a feeling of wanting to move on as quick as possible once it was confirmed it was over. Keep taking your folic acid tables (sure you are anyway) vitamins etc and just look after yourself. It’s a traumatic thing to go through mentally but also physically so be kind to yourself ❤️ Xx

I recently had a mc: unfortunately, the entire process lasted a long, long 4 weeks (needing 2 lots of medication neither of which worked), it was by far the worst time of my life so far.
I also got diagnosed with a uterine abnormality which sent me spiralling into a panic wondering if I'll ever have a baby.
But time helps. It really does. In those first 2 weeks, I could barely function. I honestly just lay around crying. It was awful but I'm 5 weeks on now (actually still waiting for my negative test) and I think now that the bleeding has finally stopped and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel (the light being the chance to try again), things dont seem as bleak. Im still really sad and worried for the future but I'm back to my self: I've gone back to the gym, I'm eating better again and I'm smiling again.
Time will help. It's cliched but it will. And talking to people, I actually hate people knowing all my business but the support I've had from family has really helped.
Im so sorry for your loss, it's so so unfair but you'll get there... This is just a very sad setback.

Hey @Gemma, we too experienced a MMC at 9+3 weeks (discovered at 10+3 after slight spotting) back in June. I had an ERPC which went smoothly and was told to take a pregnancy test 3 weeks later which was negative.

Anyhoo, I’m exactly 11 weeks today, I haven’t had a scan yet but will be having my 12 week dating scan Tuesday the 20th of this month. Having all symptoms still which I know isn’t a dead cert guarantee but I’m hopeful!

Thank you for your replies X

Back at the hospital today for the u/s. Everything seems to be clear now. I've been down in the dumps all day. Today is my birthday and we would have been 12 weeks, so I think it's just hitting hard. I feel like such a party pooper, a quiet night in tonight. I'm hoping I'm less tearful by the weekend when I'll be seeing my friends for a night out. With every cloud... At least I can drink now.

@HeartShapedWomb that sounds awful. We've been lucky the drugs worked, but every day has dragged by. I can't imagine what 4 weeks felt like! It sounds like you're coming out the other side now, but this is such a shitty thing to happen it's never going to feel okay. Fingers crossed for you, I'm sorry you've had to go through this.

@Iswallowtoothpaste so exciting! The wait must be so much harder this time round. Sending heaps of positivity your way!

@Gemma, you absolutely must go and see your friends and try to enjoy life although I know it’s so hard and seems to go against every instinct.

I’m pleased everything was clear on the u/s, I don’t mean to sound so ‘brash’ but I think that sometimes being able to draw a line under a devastating experience is a positive thing. It doesn’t mean that you forget or don’t care about what could’ve been it just means that with time you learn to deal with those feelings and not to dwell on them.

I’ve actually really surprised myself this time around. I thought I’d be an absolute wreck but I’ve been quite calm. The anxiety I experienced last time was unbearable, at times I just didn’t know what to do with myself, I would just sit and quiver but this time I’ve been much calmer which makes me believe in a positive outcome this time. Last time I think I instinctively knew what was going to happen.