Advice needed please..

[BlueStar8]

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting here, but I've been silently lurking for a while (living vicariously through all the BFPs!). Basically I'm in need of some advice about what to do, and feel like I can't talk to anyone in "real life".

Sit back and enjoy this Thursday morning essay!

A bit of background info: I'm 34 and my boyfriend of three years is 33, both healthy and in full-time work with a lovely one-bed flat, and we've never really spoken about kids in depth at all. Maybe the odd mention but he's always like "not right now though". So I resist bringing it up because I fear how he's going to react, but in reality I am absolutely crapping myself because I'm not getting any younger and I know it gets harder 35+ and there are a lot more risks to the baby's health.

So, I took it upon myself to quit the pill. Without telling my boyfriend.

I finished the packet on 5th October, had a 4 day bleed on the 9th, and then nothing since. Normally I would have finished another packet by now, and be in the middle of a bleed (Tues start), but I'm not and there's no sign of anything happening. I don't feel any different, but I've read that cycles take some time to adjust after coming off the pill, so I'm probably trying to regulate myself. The thing is, boyfriend doesn't know I've stopped the pill, so how do I explain my lack of regular-as-clockwork period?

More importantly, how do I approach the subject of wanting a baby without scaring him or pushing him in the opposite direction? I'm just so so conscious of time ticking away, and I feel super selfish - not to mention terrible for hiding all this from him!

Ladies, what should I do? Any and all advice very appreciated.

Oh dear. I really do think you need to tell him you've stopped taking the pill. It's really not fair to him to trick him into having a child. Maybe say you forgot to take them for a few days and it's messed your cycle up and it's possible you could get pregnant and start the discussion that way? Either way it's really not a good idea to lie about this. How are you planning on explaining that you are pregnant if you fall?

I think you need to tell him you stopped taking the pill - it's your choice entirely, but if he doesn't want a baby then you need to talk about why. Are you hoping that you'll fall pregnant and he'll just have to go along with it? I'd be more worried about explaining a pregnancy than a lack of period - do men even have a clue when your period is due?

"do men even have a clue when your period is due?"

Haha this is true! He probably doesn't have a clue!

@whyhaveidonethis @MakeAWhish Okay thank you both, I think it's time to knuckle down and have a serious conversation, despite the outcome. I need to stop being afraid of what might happen, and think about how wonderful it would be if it went the other way :)

@BlueStar8 I understand your need to have a baby, but you need to really seriously think about how you'd cope if you fell pregnant and he wasn't supportive. Could you do it alone? Do you have other support around you? It really wouldn't be fair to go ahead without talking to him about it first. Good luck, I hope it goes the way you want it to!

Having a baby should be wanted by both parties, Im not normally that judge mental on here but you are being really unfair OP, you are out of order to stop the pill and not tell your boyfriend.

Hey !
You definitely need to chat to him . Why don't you just say that you've missed a couple of pills and wonder how he feels about you stopping it all together.... ? The thing is, with being a bit older it could take a while to conceive, but also if you've been on a hormonal contraception it can take a while for all that to sort itself out too.

You could always mention just seeing what happens rather than full on trying? I personally wouldn't put it off any longer. If he says he's not ready just explain about the age thing etc. Also will he want more than one ? Because with putting it off it's only going to get harder to conceive a second time round , potentially in your 40s!

Good luck, let us know what he says !

Have you had unprotected sex OP? I got pregnant after missing a few pills in my twenties when I forgot the pack when I went away, had one weekend of shagging with a new partner who lived abroad, and was pregnant. I had a termination, and the doctor said it was a classic - you can be hyper fertile after stopping the pill.

So if you have had unprotected sex, and your period is missing, take a test.