About to try for our first baby

[BeckyG86]

Hi there.
Me and my Husband have decided to start trying for our first baby. We are both 32, been married for 5 years, have recently brought a 3-bedroom house and have just brought all that we need/want in terms of big purchases for the house (shed, CCTV and alarm installed, etc). We are both in full-time work and feel that the time is now right.
I say we are about to try for our first baby as I have not come off the pill yet. We are going to start trying in December, so will be taking my last pack of pills this month, which finish around the 29th November, and I won’t take any more. We have said this because we are going on a Caribbean cruise in December and I said I didn’t want to be pregnant on a ship and wanted to be able to do things like go for a swim, etc without having a period to worry about. Also my biggest issue is that I suffer with Emetophobia (fear of vomit), and going on the ship I fear sea sickness so want to be able to take travel sickness tablets as and when required. It’s a big step for me to get pregnant due to the fear of getting “morning sickness” (I have written on threads in the past about this, but just to give an overview, and at risk of sounding mad, I panic when there is a bug going around, I panic if I think I feel sick or think I am going to feel/be sick, I avoid anyone who has been sick, and I am so bad that my Husband vomited in our bathroom toilet in April after getting drunk (self-inflicted), and his Cousin’s wife vomited all over the same bathroom and in the same toilet back in June due to getting drunk (again self-inflicted) and I have not used that toilet since, even though it has been cleaned, and it was alcohol inflicted so not something to catch (we have three toilets in our house so it has been easy to avoid it), so it is a serious issue). However, I am trying to overcome this to get to our end goal. Having a fear of vomit when facing the thought of being at sea and being pregnant at the same time is a bit too much in one go, so we have agreed to start trying on the ship or when we get back, but come off the pill before we go.
I am looking at things such as Clear Blue Ovulation Kits, etc. I have downloaded the Flo app ready and I even looked at that Ava bracelet but the cost was very off-putting and think I may look in to that if we have trouble conceiving. I am thinking of buying a pack of the Clear Blue Digital Ovulation Kits and taking them on holiday just to start to get an idea of ovulation times (whilst we are away it will be roughly 2 weeks after my last period) so even though it can take time for my body to regulate after coming off the pill it might just give even a slight indication. I might be talking rubbish but these are the theories in my mind!

Any recommendations (aside from the having regular sex, etc) would be greatly appreciated, and anyone with advice on preventing morning sickness would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance.

Becky.

Congratulations on your new house and deciding to make the leap

I feel similarly to you about being sick. Live in fear of norovirus every winter. I am 15 weeks pregnant and haven't been sick once - so it's not a given! I felt nauseous a fair bit and averse to a lot of food in the early weeks, but never like I was actually going to be sick.

I think maybe if you're not a person who is sick very often (as emetophobes usually are) then you're less likely to get that as a physical response to hormones maybe? I have no evidence for this though.

To put my mind at ease I bought sea sickness bands as soon as I found out I was pregnant, but only ever had to use them once.

Good luck, you will be absolutely fine.

Thank you for your reply. Congratulations on your pregnancy and pleased to read that all is going well.

I have heard similar theories about Emetophobes and not often sick, and I pray that when the time comes I am one of the ones that are not sick throughout pregnancy and labour. My Mom wasn’t sick when she was pregnant but felt it, my Mother-in-Law was sick throughout I think. I know people who have been really ill and others with very little or no sickness but it is the one thing I really hope I don’t get out of all of the symptoms.
Twins are a strong possibility as my Dad is a twin and my Father-in-Law is a twin. I have said I would love twins but fear symptoms would be worse if I was pregnant with more than one baby! I am making very few plans for the new year such as holidays and outings for fear of being ill and pregnant (I know I might not get pregnant that quick, but it’s how I am thinking).

Um. Lots of the Caribbean is a zika risk, yes? It's recommended to have protected sex for 6 months after travel to places with zika (if the man goes). Check it out:

wwwnc.cdc.gov/travel/page/zika-travel-information

Avoid using opks for as long as possible.

Counselling for emetophobia. How will you cope with a baby being sick?

I would try to address your phobia before trying to conceive.

Unfortunately there is no way of "preventing" sickness in pregnancy, it's not a given but if it's going to happen then it will. I had really bad travel sickness for the first 4 months of both pregnancies despite never suffering before, I couldn't even get on a bus without feeling nauseous! First pregnancy it went away after that but with #2 I was hospitalised at 17 and 34 weeks because of persistent vomiting.

Even with that aside, babies puke. A lot!

How will you deal with a sick baby/child?

Just adding my experience here - I had quite debilitating emetophobia for many years, was afraid both of myself and of others being sick. I'm currently at the very end of my second pregnancy and I haven't been sick once from pregnancy or labour (so far), if that's reassuring at all!

With my first pregnancy I had nausea quite badly for only a couple of weeks, then not as badly until about 9 weeks pregnant. With this one, again I had a really bad couple of weeks from around 5-7 weeks pregnant, then not as bad until about 13 weeks, then I've been fine.

For me it was more of a travel sickness feeling; sometimes quite extreme, granted, but once I was able to recognise the type of nausea and try and deal with it, I was a bit more relaxed. Seabands helped with my first, but not so much the second. I just had to keep continually snacking to stave off the nausea.

Echo what others have said - emetophobes are usually VERY good at not being sick, so you may well be okay.

All the best with your holiday and trying for a baby, and I think counselling is never a bad idea if you can get some to address your phobia more generally.

Should also add that, although I'd literally run away from anyone else vomiting, it's different with your own baby - you have time to get used to the baby sick stage, which really is very different from what we think of as vomiting, then by the time they are actually sick after weaning I found I just got on with it, went onto autopilot.

Sometimes after it happens I feel quite shakey, like an adrenaline comedown, but also quite proud of being able to be able to deal with that kind of thing at all!

Becky you may not have a lot of morning sickness and that which you do have is likely to be clear fluid, nothing terrible. Don't worry about what might happen in advance.

You'll probably be pregnant by Easter, just carry on as you are and try not to think about it too much.

Good for you having everything in place before taking the plunge and good luck.

I am a fellow emetophobe, Becky, and you have my sympathies! It is awful and DH and I were together for 9 years before I felt brave enough to TTC due to that fear of morning sickness. I had hypnotherapy when I got pregnant but it didn’t help much with my anxiety. I then miscarried twice, and our third pregnancy stuck! I had zero sickness, never felt sick once, and my midwife was fab and supportive, as soon as I was in labour I was put on strong antiemetics and didn’t even throw up during the absolute ordeal of giving birth without pain relief ha. (No pain relief in case it made me sick - shows the extremity of the phobia that I’d rather suffer that absolute agony than be sick!)

I know there are some antisickness drugs prescribed in pregnancy for extreme sickness and I just kept these on my person at all times (I still do!) just in case, because I knew if I did feel sick I could still take them. May be worth having a google of some of the drugs that would still be safe because just knowing I had them as a back up really eased my anxiety.

I do have to say though, is there another holiday you could possibly go on? I never ever travel by boat for fear of boat sickness. Best of luck with TTC, whatever happens, you will be fine, just be honest with your GP and midwife because they will not want you in a state of constant panic and they are there to help and support you through x

Thank you everyone. I am generally ok with baby sick, it’s just milk reflux, and I can cope with that, it’s bug/illness that bothers me. I rarely take any medication unless prescribed (not even paracetamol for a headache), but I happily take Kwells for travel sickness prevention. I have cruised twice before and felt a little queasy but was never sick. The first cruise I think it was more paranoia than anything else, but we did get an announcement one day saying we were staying in port due to bad weather towards the next destination but would be travelling over the next day and it may get bad. I cried when I heard! The next day after breakfast (we were going to the rough part lunch time) I went back to bed because my theory was if I sleep I don’t know about it happening, and I took my first Kwell whilst in bed. The second time I took one tablet the whole holiday and that was When I was in the theatre at the front of the ship (I know I am worse at the front). This time it is the Caribbean and I am told it is so calm this time of the year but I will still have the Kwells with me at all times when I am out and about be it on shore or on the ship!
I did mention it to my nurse at my doctors once, but it was a general in passing conversation rather than voicing my concern about being sick. She kind of laughed and said she was really bad when she was pregnant! Granted she has left now but the new nurse I don’t fully trust and feel comfortable around.
I know it’s something that I just have to face and deal with. My Husband knows how I am and I have said it’s a big deal for me (I know that sounds selfish) and I don’t want to make plans or anything for the year in case I am ill at all (I have one thing planned for February that was arranged before we said to start trying). I have said I will try now and feel ready to. I don’t want to back out now and it wouldn’t be fair on my Husband if I did either. I always said if it was the man who got pregnant I’d happily have children anytime!

Don't ignore Zika.

You are not selfish for having a phobia. Ignorant people will say that. They aren’t worth your time.

Since having my DD I thought I would be bad but she is eleven months old now and when she has been sick (she had reflux for ages) I have been absolutely fine, something overrides concern for yourself and you just prioritise looking after them! The only thing that I do that I know is bad is panic when she gags, the early weaning days were bad. I had to try my best not to react so she didn’t get scared of it too!

Thank you everyone. I have read up about Zika and being careful.
I am fine with baby sick it’s illness sick, but I have also heard a lot of people say when it’s your own child natural instinct takes over so I hope this is the case for me!
Thank you everyone for your support and concern, it’s nice to know that other people understand and I am not alone in my thoughts