I don't know who the father of my baby is

[whatamidoingwithmylife]

Today I found out I'm pregnant (at home test). I checked my ovulation calendar app which says I was fertile from 7/10 and expected to ovulate on 12/10. This is based on a 31 day cycle (chosen by the app as I have irregular periods varying between 24 days and 36 day cycles). My previous 2 periods have been around 28 day cycles.

I slept with my boyfriend on 9/10 which would seemingly mean he is likely to be the father. But I then slept with my ex on 13th and 14th of October. I know that it is possible to still be fertile a day after ovulation as the date isn't exact, plus with me having irregular periods the date is much harder to predict anyway.

I was using a medication throughout this time that is known to cause birth defects. Therefore I think the best option would be to terminate the pregnancy. This would also negate the need to find out who the father is. But should I just keep my mouth shut and deal with this alone?

I've been having daily pains like period pain since 22/10 (5 days before the app says my period was due based on 31 day cycle). These pains are getting worse and although they're not excruciating, they can be painful. Is it likely this could forewarn a miscarriage?

I'm 34 and this is the first time I've been pregnant - neither of the potential fathers have children either and I'm stressed that I was stupid enough to end up in this situation after being sensible my entire life.
If I tell either of them, there will be more stress as my boyfriend does not want children but my ex is desperate to be a father (we still love each other very much but there are other issues that mean we cannot continue our relationship at present).

I'm travelling abroad on my own next week for the first time and now I've had this news it's even more daunting to me to go through with it, especially as I'm having a lot of pains.

Unfortunately, it's far too close to call. Only a dna test will solve the mystery.

To be honest I would be far more concerned regarding the potential birth defects aspect as opposed to possible parentage at this point.

Do you want to have this baby, putting aside thoughts about the medication and the paternity?

If you might want to continue, for the medication I would seek medical advice and also review the medication advice on the BUMPS medication in pregnancy website. Some medications have a high chance of birth defects and you are strongly advised to not get pregnant on them (if you weren't using contraception I'm assuming you're not taking one of these), others are associated with an increased risk but actually most babies are born healthy. Some are known to be harmful only at particular stages of pregnancy. If it's the worry about birth defects that is your main reason for thinking about abortion, get some more information about this first.

Paternity I think it's too close to say who is the father, esp with irregular cycles. So you would have that uncertainty until after baby is born (unless you paid for private paternity testing during pregnancy). So you'd have to decide what you think about having this baby, putting the fathers aside.

If you are travelling abroad check your insurer will cover you if you have a miscarriage abroad.

Do speak to a friend or relative if you can, whatever the outcome you will want somebody to talk to.

Thanks HopelesslydevotedtoGu. I had no idea that website existed - the advice on there is unclear as there doesn't seem to be many studies that have been done. It mainly mentions the first 12 weeks and obviously this would be an issue here. I don't really want to risk birth defects.

I'm aware that due to being older, this may be my only chance to have a child, but I think the risk of birth defects are likely to be worth ending the pregnancy. I've never been desperate to have children as I want it to happen when I'm in a stable, loving relationship with no financial worries. I couldn't have the baby as a single parent as my career is too stressful due to a horrendous commute and frequently being expected to work all over the country at the drop of a hat.

My bf will likely start to realise something is up soon as yesterday I couldn't keep my balance from dizziness and I've been mentioning that I feel 'off'. I didn't mention I could be pregnant though as I wanted to do a test alone when I got chance and to be honest I thought it was very unlikely I would be.

I'm only abroad for 5 days so it's unlikely that anything will happen in that time and if it does I should be able to wait it out until I return to the UK. I have an appointment at the sexual health clinic on my return so I will mention the pregnancy to them then and see what their advice is re the medication I was on.