BFN - how do you cope?

[Helsie85]

We are TTC after a 5 year gap since our first baby and the first month has come up with a BFN which has really upset me. We were very lucky the first time and I was pregnant without even knowing it. This time I thought we’d timed things right but it’s a BFN. Know it’s only the first proper try but just feel so disappointed and sad and don’t know what to do with myself. Im already thinking about things that might be wrong and how it might not happen again which I know is stupid but my brain’s gone into overdrive. How do you cope with this?

I think you cope because what else can you do?

We’ve been trying for about 18months for baby number 1 and still no BFP. Last month I was convinced I was pregnant, no AF or even symptoms. Was over a week late, took a test and AF turned up while it was developing.....taunting bastard.

Doesn’t help that a close family member has just got a BFP. As much as I’m happy for them, I’m sad for me, then I feel selfish. It’s hard this ttc business.

@Pinkstars2501 you are a bloody trooper and I feel your pain. 3 of my friends have all just had babies within the same month and now they are all on mat leave together posting pics of baby dates all over SM. I'm Happy for them but can't help feeling resentful.
Sending patience, love and positivity your way x

@Pinkstars2501 I’m sorry to hear that. AF is just the meanest thing in so many ways.
@cherrybomb86 I can understand that feeling - I have so many pregnant friends or ones who have just had babies and although we haven’t been trying long I’ve wanted to try for ages (partner lost his job so we couldn’t) so it’s hard to see so many little ones around x

@Helsie85 I know it's rough. I'm finding it hard to chat with them in more than a superficial level...it's totally selfish I know. Sending lots of positive vibes to you luv x

After two years of bfn’s, I’ll let you know when I figure it out lol I think when you’re ttc, you never really “cope” with a negative test. My only advice would be only test if you’re late for your period. Ignore all those symptoms that aren’t symptoms. They don’t mean anything. Also try to remember that you only have a 20% chance of conceiving every month and it’s normal to take up to a year to conceive. The first bfn is hard because you just assume that if you’ve done everything right, then you should be pregnant but sadly it doesn’t work like that. So honestly, don’t even bother taking a test until your period is late even if you feel a bit pregnant or your boobs hurt a bit more than normal. Testing before a missed period is a waste of money and just brings unnecessary disappointment, speaking from experience

Thank you @Lilypad15. That’s great advice about not testing early, it’s so hard during that TWW to not give in - I tested a few times when I really should have just saved myself money and waited! Really hoping you get your BFP soon x

There's no point in tesring early. The tests are less accurate so you just keep testing. Plus the miscarriage rate is really high so early in the pregnancy. Best not to know.

I quit the pill january 2009. Have had fertility treatments for the past six years. Seriously, stop testing too early. I'd not count on anything till you see a heartbeat.

The TWW is hell and it doesn’t ever get any easier. I used to overthink every “symptom”. I’m suddenly feeling sick, I’m getting more headaches, I’m having more cm than normal... But the cruel thing is that PMS symptoms are exactly the same as the generic pregnancy symptoms we all know about. If you do get pregnant, the symptoms you have in the first few weeks aren’t pregnancy related anyway.

After maybe a year or so, I tried just not overthinking. I stopped buying cheap tests in bulk from amazon because I was sick of only ever seeing that one depressing line. I instantly felt a little better just not taking tests. If my period was going to show up, it was going to do it whether I took a test or not and so I just cut out that horrible in between bit and just waited for my period to read its ugly head.

It’s still hard when you nip to the loo and see that blood on the toilet paper but for me it was better then negative tests. With negative tests you’re always questioning things. Maybe there is a line there, maybe you tested at the wrong time of day, maybe the test was faulty. At least with a period, things are definite and there’s no second guessing. I now refuse to take a test until I’m at least a week late, just because I know that cycles can jump around a little when you’re paying such close attention to them. Good luck and hope you aren’t waiting too long to get your bfp :)

Thanks both.
It’s true about the early dectection test. As great as they are and it’s lovely if you know you’re pregnant and everything, so so many early pregnancies end in a loss. Before when it was standard not to have early detection, those loses would previously have been considered a heavy period I guess, you wouldn’t necessarily know it was a misscarriage and would probably have had less heartbreak.

I still have a drawer full of OPKs and bloody pregnancy test though so I’m my own worst enemy just like a lot on here 😂

Hello feeling a bit blue. 10dpo and bfn. Still 3-5 days till af is due but feeling already like I’m out again. It’s so painful seeing bfps and wondering when it’s going to be your turn. Sorry for the moan, it’s getting me down!

@Chanel05 I know exactly how you’re feeling. I’ve felt like crying most of the day but have felt a bit better reading some of the replies above. It definitely helps to hear from others who are going through the same thing.
@explodingkitten, @Lilypad15 and @Pinkstars2501 thank you so much for your responses x

Going to try next cycle not to buy any tests, so hard to resist temptation when Amazon Prime makes this so readily available (especially now that you can get same day!).

Do you have any support around you @Helsie85? We agreed not to tell anyone we were ttc and I’m finding it a lonely journey when I can’t share my feelings with friends.

I fell pregnant first time with my first. Now ttc number 2 and on cycle 5. It's frustrating but also sounds silly complaining when I had it so easy the first time! Definitely don't get hung up on symptom spotting and try not to test early. Chances are, it will happen within a year and hopefully sooner. Good luck!

In an odd way I find this thread really refreshing. We're about 18months into our ttc journey. Super regular periods post the pill seemed a blessing at first and now like many of you I feel disappointment each month. I'm finding it particularly hard at the moment because it feels like everybody around me is pregnant. I hope it happens for us all soon xx

@Chanel05 we’re the same. My family have an idea we might be TTC but we aren’t telling people so it’s only really my husband that I can talk to and he’s a bit rubbish at emotions bless him!
@KatnissK I know how you feel - it kind of feels like I shouldn’t be upset about it as we have our DD but really wanted to give her a sibling and already worrying it’s not going to happen which I need to stop!
@Sshsecretenclosed it does seem like there are babies everywhere, think our senses become heightened to them when we want one of our own. It’s really hard.
Really hope everyone gets their BFP soon, it would be lovely to hear some great news xxx