I don't know what I am expecting any of you to do about it.
I need a crystal ball to tell me that it will happen.
I feel so negative. We've so much against us.
We're both approaching 40
I have pretty severe PCOS (although I have two older DC, and been pregnant 4 times)
We both got mumps after our last MC two years ago - now worried DP's fertility might have been jeopardised
I just want to hold our baby so much it hurts. We've only been TTC since June but it feels like a lifetime. Mainly because I have been utterly desperate since our first loss 2.5 years ago.
When DP finally agreed to try again in June this year I was absolutely over-joyed, my dream had finally come true after two solid dark years. I felt so positive and began to feel better around other pregnant women. I even started smiling, rather than crossing the road to avoid them.
But, since then, my cycles have gone mad. Like my body knows we are TTC and it is sabotaging our chances 
I keep telling myself that, in reality, it's only been three months. But my heart has wanted this for such a long time. Will I ever get to hold our rainbow baby?
At work, pregnancy is all over the place, which is unusual for the sector I'm in. I feel like the 'baby fairy' is touching everyone except me when I want it so badly. These are all first time parents who seem to have found getting pregnant easy and trouble free. Here I am feeling sorry for myself because we've lost two babies and 2.5 years later I am still empty.
I've come away from the dreaded FB for fear of the next announcement which seems to be a bi-weekly thing lately. MN is full of it (naturally). I feel like nowhere is safe. Everywhere is a reminder that I am still waiting to hold our baby.
I know I sound ungrateful, I have two older DC from a previous marriage who I love more than anything. But since our MC's I have felt empty. Like there is a huge missing part of my heart.
I also know that a lot of you have been TTC for many many years and have no children at all, and I appreciate that. I can't even begin to imagine what that feels like.
I know I have to get a grip. but I just feel so desperate and sad and terrified that my DP will change his mind again if I don't get pregnant soon, and I will be back where I was in total lonely darkness again
I'm slowly making changes to my (already healthy) diet, by cutting down on dairy, gluten and sugar. Anything to help reduce PCOS symptoms. I have also ordered an Ovusense which I am desperate to use. but it all seems so futile.
Like I said above, I don't know what I am expecting from you, apart from a 'Pull yourself together and count yourself lucky'.