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Conception

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Original poster

too scared to test

12 replies

Moomin · 22/08/2004 21:30

we've been ttc since Jan 03 and have 'unexplained infertility'. We already have dd who's nearly 3. I had my 1st round of clomid this month and now my period is late...
It's only a day late and I'm usually regular as clockwork but I just can't come to terms with the fact that i might finally finally be pg. I'm so scared of it being negative that i think i want to wait another couple of days. I've taken so many tests in the last 20 months which have all been disappointing and now i just can't imagine it will happen. Everytime i go to the loo i'm expecting af to have started. I've got a bit of a dull ache (very mild) and boobs are tender but keep thinking that's just af on her way.
please don't tell me to test test test, because i can't and i know it sounds really pathetic but the longer i leave it the longer i put off being disappointed again. Does this make sense at all?

OP posts:
bunny2 · 22/08/2004 21:35

It makes sense to me Moomin. I didnt want to test so I could hold on to the "perhaps I am" feeling for a bit longer before getting a big fat negative. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Test when you are ready and not a moment before. GOOD LUCK Bunnyxxx

Original poster
Moomin · 22/08/2004 21:39

oh thanks so much bunny, you're a star. You know just how i'm feeling xxxx just feel a bit sorry for dh. he looks so hopeful at the moment. he's being very supportive but i can tell he thinks this is the one. I almost wish he didn't now when af was due then he wouldn't have to go through this too.

OP posts:
sassy · 23/08/2004 07:36

Test when you are ready. Wishing you lots of luck.xxx

Canadianmom · 23/08/2004 10:32

Wait until you feel ready. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I did not test until my second AF was late just in case I was really wrong about dates. (Which is next to impossible as I chart...) I only did one so that I could tell the gp that I had indeed weed on the stick!
I hope you get a BFP!

Cyndii · 23/08/2004 16:18

Best of luck moomin ~ but please keep us posted!! Fingers crossed

Tessiebear · 23/08/2004 16:26

Also , the earlier you test the more likely you are to get a bfn. With both my DS's i didnt get a bfp until about week to a fortnight after AF was due - good luck - thinking of you

bunny2 · 23/08/2004 19:37

Hi Moomin, hope you are ok today . Your dh sounds like a love.

Original poster
Moomin · 24/08/2004 19:42

Well, gave in yesterday afternoon and had a BFN. Was very upset and spent the next hour ranting and crying and telling myself 'i told you so' like a big drama queen. Then went for a long drive with dd asleep in the back and ate a snickers bar (1st one i've eaten for about 4 years!). Then got things into a bit more perspective sigh
Still not come on but I rang my consultant's secretary this morning and she said it's not unknown for af to be mucked around when you're on clomid, so i guess that's it. Still feel very knackered (again, read on my leaflet that this can be a side effect of clomid) and have the same dull ache that makes me think af is on her way.
Yes, bunny, dh is an absolute sweetheart and i think i've been a bit horrid to him - i've kept saying DON'T get your hopes up but I know he did with me being so late and i was quite abrupt with him when i told him about the side effects today. Bless, i'll try to be nicer now. Just wish af would hurry up so we can start all over again.

OP posts:
Mirage · 24/08/2004 20:00

Moomin,I don't want to give you false hope,but I tested when I was 1 day late & got a BFN.I only tested as I had strict instructions to from the hospital,after I had suffered an ectoipc pregnancy before.If it had been up to me,no way would I have done it.

Like you,I didn't want to test,as the illusion that you might be preganant is better than another disappointment,but had to.Anyway,I got a BFN,so that was that.A week later, still no AF.I was petrefied of doing another test,but forced myself to.I got one hell of a shock when I got a positive.

I really hope that this is the case for you.I'll keep everything crossed.

bunny2 · 24/08/2004 20:08

I got 4 negs before a +, it does happen. I dont want to get your hopes up eithe Moomin but I'll still have my fingers tightly crossed for you.

Original poster
Moomin · 24/08/2004 21:40

it's funny - now i've done the test and got a neg i don't feel on pins as much anymore. I'm quite aware that many people have a false neg but also am of the thought that this sort of thing doesn't happen to me. I'm not a pessimist, more a pragmatist! I know dh is hoping i'm one of the lucky ones and he certainly won't be convinced i'm not pg until he sees the tampax make an appearance. For sanity's sake though i have to assume i'm not- ignorance is bliss.

as a ps though - i've had sore nipples for the past week, but again, anything remotely hormonal could be attributed to the blimmin clomid. I feel much happier now just waiting to see what happens. I must admit i DID think i was pg on the morning that i did the test. i felt quite sicky and it really reminded me of the feeling i got when i was pg with dd. i even sat and worked out what my due date would have been! no wonder i was so upset when the test was neg - i was just setting myself up for a fall.

Well thanks for your lovely messages and thoughts - i do feel better having 'talked' about it. Now we'll just have to wait and see...

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Original poster
Moomin · 25/08/2004 10:42

oh well. Came on with a vengeance in the early hours of this morning. At least we can start again now.

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