Help for emetophobia

[BeckyG86]

Hi there.

I did a post about 2 years ago but the old thread suggested doing a new one as it had been so long! I wondered if there was any further advice anyone could give me?

I’m 32, married and we are looking to start trying for a baby once we return from a cruise in December (I said I don’t want to be pregnant on a ship, and they don’t allow you on board from around 24 weeks pregnant, and don’t allow babies under 6 months old). We both would love to start a family (we were close to trying a couple of years ago but circumstances changed), and this year we moved from a two bedroom flat to a three bedroom house, which we want to be our forever home, so we feel now that time is right. Also, with us both being 32, we know we’re not too old or anything, but we do need to consider age as well.

There is only one thing that is putting me off getting pregnant, and it’s selfish really, but I can’t help it. Not officially diagnosed but I suffer with Emetophobia (fear of vomit). I am terrible whenever anyone has norovirus or any form of vomiting. I fear getting it myself. I can cope when people have illnesses such as colds, etc, but anything involving sickness I go in to overdrive. To give you a few examples about a month ago two colleagues (husband and wife) went on holiday and the Monday they returned to work- the wife was in our office but the husband was in another office and when asked about their holiday they had a bad time for lots of different reasons, but one thing was that they both got Norovirus that was going around- out of the two of them she had it first and then he got it. She said it was touch and go whether they would be in as one was still being sick the night before and he went in to work the next morning. At that point I didn’t know when she was last sick and she was standing behind me, so once she left I made my excuses and took myself to another office to work so I didn’t have to be in the same building. I always open the toilet doors and lock/unlock public toilets as well as flush them with paper so I don’t touch anything with my bare hands, even when leaving the ladies to go back to work. We are lucky that our home has three toilets (downstairs, bathroom and en suite), and in April my Husband got drunk to the point he was sick. He went in to the bathroom rather than the en suite in our room, and back in June we had some of my Husband’s family stay over for one night and one got so drunk she was sick in the bathroom, not just in the loo but all over the walls, floor, even by the light switch to the bathroom on our landing. My Husband and his cousin cleaned it up, my Husband repainted part of the wall that got marked (even though it was cleaned), but we are now in September and I still won’t use the bathroom toilet and sink (I have used the bath a couple of times since), even though it has been cleaned and it was alcohol induced so not catching. Our en suite has a toilet, shower and sink so I use all those and unless I want a bath I have no need to go in to the bathroom. The spare room the relatives were sleeping in is next door to our bathroom and it took weeks before I would even go in there again (I do now). My Husband and family know what I am like, as do my colleagues, and I have one colleague who is like me, but not as bad, so we both warn each other when someone is sick at work so we know who or where to avoid.

A couple of years ago I saw my nurse at the doctors for a pill check and it came in to conversation. I can’t remember exactly what I said but I said I fear being sick and that is holding me back in trying for children, even though we want children. Her response was a bit of a laugh and that she suffered really bad when she was pregnant! She is no longer there but I have only seen the new one twice, and I feel she is friendly enough but don’t feel that comfortable or trusting of her yet (I wouldn’t say she rushes but I feel sometimes it’s like tick boxing). We got back off holiday last week and whilst away one night my Dad had to go back to the hotel as he was feeling really sick, so me and my Husband stayed out whilst my parents went back. It made me worried in case he had a bug and we would get it (thankfully he wasn’t sick). I panic on a ship in case I get sea sick or get a bug- one time the captain made an announcement saying they were abandoning going to one port because of rough sea and that when we set sail the next day it would be rough. At the time we were in a restaurant and I was trying so hard to hide that I was crying in front of my in-laws, and as soon as we got back in to our cabin I broke down. This happened twice. I was never sick but at the slightest feel of anything I took a Kwell to be on the safe side.

I am worried that I will get sick during pregnancy and labour, not to mention the baby getting sick (strangely I can cope with baby sick as it’s milk, it’s when they are older and go to places like nursery and school and pick up bugs). One step at a time though, I need to get my head around this so I don’t keep putting off getting pregnant.

I know there are chances of not getting sickness. My Mom felt it but was never sick when she had me, but then I know there’s a chance of getting slightly sick or even HG. I know people who barely suffered and I know people who had HG and even hospitalised with sickness.

Is there anything safe that I can take or do to stop/prevent being sick, ideally stopping nausea as well but mainly sick. If I could I would take a tablet from day one until after the baby was born but I know that is not possible.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

You poor thing, i do understand a bit what you are going through as I worry about sickness bugs all the time aswell. I struggle to look forward to holidays, planned days out, birthdays as I always worry that they could be spoiled by a sickness bug. If anyone ever mentions they have been poorly I have to find out if they mean they have been sick, just so I can worry about catching the bug all week long.
However, I have got two young children and although I did sometimes have morning sickness it wasn’t the same as worrying about being sick as I accepted it was a part of pregnancy and wasn’t an illness. There are ways to get round it, e.g. ginger tea, ginger biscuits, eating something as soon as you wake up in the morning. I do hope it doesn’t put you off having children. It may be possible to see a therapist about this (I haven’t done this myself though).

I have had emetophobia for years and frankly it ruined my life, made me agoraphobic etc. I'm 22 weeks pregnant now and I managed to survive the morning sickness- which was more just all day grinding nausea than actually being sick. It went way beyond ginger biscuits being able to help I'm afraid! However, I was on prochlorperazine for nausea since before pregnancy and the doctors were happy to let me stay on it.

It didn't stop the nausea but it did help a little bit, and was a bit of a placebo as well I think to calm me down. On the days when I felt the sickest I did panic a bit but I did breathing, relaxation etc and somehow came through it. I felt loads better by about 16 weeks.

Still petrified about being sick in labour/in hospital/hearing or seeing other people be sick in a ward or whatever but it's a weird situation in that you have no choice so you kind of have to face up to it and get on with it. In a way I think this pregnancy may be the thing that finally helps me to start tackling it and getting over it!

I am emetophobic too. I have a 2 year old. I felt sick for the first 12 weeks only, and being an emetophobic I used all my techniques to avoid actually being sick.

I informed my midwife of my phobia and had anti sickness pills during labour (I actually ended up having a c section)

My Dd has been sick numerous times, but although I panic beyond belief - maternal instinct does set in and I know how to deal with things to prevent it spreading (bleach, don't breath it in etc)

You can do it, I promise you. It's very hard at times but being a mum is worth it. It's a dreadful phobia and I personally have to think about my answer if I pose the question 'would I rather die or be sick?' That's how bad it is. My main concern is to ensure I don't pass on my anxieties to my DD.

I have emetophobia too, it's terrible.
I dread winter, my son started school in January, new panic sets in. I too was terrified about being pregnant and the morning sickness, tbh, although I felt some nausea, I wasn't sick at all, neither during labour. I refused any drugs during labour, in case it had a reaction and I was sick then too.
As an emetophobic, you will find there is some research to say that you are sick almost never, you have naturally developed a physical aversion and I know when the dreaded sick bugs come through the house or office, I may get dreadful diarrhoea and stomach pains but I'm not sick.
In terms of small children, I can say that I panic less, I was obsessive about hand washing and germs when my son was a toddler, he seems to have a great immune system though and doesn't catch everything going round, over the years I have relaxed slightly although I still worry every day.

I’m not as bad as you but am scared of being sick. It stems from being sick as a child whilst having a really bad nose bleed and I felt like I was choking and couldn’t breath.
I had in my birth plan only gas and air as I was scared of anything that could make me feel sick.
As it was I felt a little sick during the first few weeks but was never actually sick. During labour I didn’t feel sick at all and managed with only gas and air.

Thank you everyone, this is reassuring. I don’t think a day goes by where I don’t think about it, and this is the only worry that is standing in my way about having children. I love children and would love to be a Mom but it’s me getting sick that holds me back, and then when the kids are sick. I keep well away from anyone who has been sick and if anyone says they haven’t been well I try and find out exactly why to make sure they haven’t been sick.

Erm, did I write this?!
I am you! Well, I was.
I was terrified to have children, vowed I never would as I was so fearful of being sick. I had my first baby at 20. I was never sick. I was never sick with my other 2 pregnancies either. I think emets are able to fight the sickness to some degree. A mind over matter, sort of thing, as none of my other phobic friends ever got sick during pregnancy either(may not be accurate, but that’s our theory, and we’re sticking to it!)
I said I’d have drug free labours as I was scared of being sick-it hurt ALOT-so i bowed to the pressure. I was sick once, during each labour. But I didn’t care by that point as I had a baby in my arms(and I was high as a kite on drugs!) also, it’s the build up to being sick that’s the worst for me. Once it happens, I relax a bit.
Any way, 15 years later, I’m taking citalopram and I’m now able to actually look after my kids when they’re sick!! I used to literally run away from my first child at the first sign of any potential sickness. He’d be shipped off to my parents if he burped weirdly! I didn’t even start the citalopram because of my phobia, it was for anxiety after my dad died. It was a happy accident that it helped my phobia. I even held a bin for my kid the other day while he threw up. I changed the sicky bed, took off his sicky clothes-then washed my hands like my life depended on it!
What I’m saying is, yes, it’s scary as hell for us, but it’s totally worth it. See your GP and see if there’s a pregnancy-safe med you can take(sertraline I think?) to get you through it. Also, put it in your labour notes that you’re phobic and ask for anti-emetics to be put into any pain meds they give you. I got a prescription of tablets off my GP that I took in my hospital bag. As soon as I went into labour, o took one. Definitely took the edge off it for me. Also felt like a bit of a lifeline for me too.
Any questions you have, give me a shout. Good luck. You’ll be a great mummy x

It’s horrible, and I am sorry you have gone through this, and pleased you have come out of the other end. I think I may have to book in to see my nurse closer to the day to see if there is anything they can do for me like a prescribed drug. I’m not one for taking tablets, I don’t even take paracetamol for headaches, etc, unless it’s prescribed, but for sickness I will take anything! I will make sure that when the time comes it is in my notes. Obviously I want a healthy baby, but aside from that all I want is a sick free pregnancy and labour, I’d quite happily go through any other symptom if it meant no sickness!
I don’t like to say I have anxiety as I have never been diagnosed with anything, but I guess it is anxiety, or a form of anxiety. If I think I feel sick (I say think because I know I’m not if that makes sense) I can either go quiet or if I’m on my own I start talking to myself, fiddling with a necklace if I’m wearing one or rub my arms, etc to distract me, then I know I am coming out of it when my legs twitch, and I have to let myself go through that to feel better, sometimes I start twitching my leg to make that start in order to let it pass. Most people know what I am like, and I am happy there’s someone at work who is like me (not as bad), so we inform each other if someone is bad so we know who or where to avoid!
I just hope my nurse will be sympathetic and can help me, unlike the last mention to my old nurse who just gave a sort of laugh and said she suffered badly (if I remember correctly it was all day and/or every day).

She sounds really helpful! My gp had been trying to get me to take ADs for years but I refused. Was scared of the side effects Incas was they made me sick! Yup, ironic! Best thing I ever did though, and I’m only sorry I didn’t do it 15 years ago, because my life and my kids lives would have been so very different.
Once I was pregnant I just sort of got on with it. Like, we’ll its done now, what will be will be. Plus, it’s sickness BUGS that scare me the most. The contagious stuff freaks me out! With my 2nd, I retched a lot because I felt sick. I never was sick though. In the end, I was actually laughing when it happened. Quite liberating in a bizarre way!

As a footnote to this post I was actually sick 4 weeks ago! I don’t know whether it was a bug or something I had eaten but I threw up as I passed out/fainted, so didn’t know until I came round a couple of seconds later, but was sick twice after that. We think it was food related as no one else had it but at the same time that I was sick my Husband didn’t feel great but didn’t get sickness or diahorrea. In one sense it helped me to be sick (I wouldn’t have said that at the time!) and I made a pact to try and overcome my emetophobia. I have brought a self help book from Amazon that has had good reviews (£37 but figured if it worked it was money well spent) and worked through it. I have to say it’s helped me!

Wow, I am surprised you are going on a cruise! I am also a fellow sufferer and would not go on a cruise for fear of the norovirus outbreaks or if people get seasick. I badly wanted children and decided to deal with it if it happened. But luckily I got no morning sickness with both. My mom said she felt awful, but I was lucky and felt great. My sister was also like me a felt great. I had to make sure to always eat though, as if I went to long, I would feel extreme hunger pangs. Its been a battle though after with children, as the inevitable happens and they do get sick. But it gets better. Once you can manage it. I still do not like having other children for play dates in case they get sick or germs etc. But I do them mainly in spring and summer. Emetaphobia really sucks. I feel for you. It has given me such anxiety. Currently, the school sent an email about the tummy bug going around the school (both of my kids classes). Now I learned to try and just prepare. I told the kids if they feel sick go straight to toilet and call for help. Do not waste time searching for me! That makes me feel better, to be prepared. So perhaps being prepared might help you as well?

OP, I am a lifetime sufferer, and I'm just wondering how on Earth you managed to go on a cruise?!?!?!?!?! There is nothing in the universe that would get me on a boat for fear of v (either me, or someone else). Quite apart from the seasick possibilities, there's noro, which is my worst nightmare.

Emetophobia put me off TTC for ages, but the biological clock did its bit. I did feel sick while pg, but was never actually sick. DC1's birth was horrendous and I was told that I would probably be sick after I ate a Twirl before the placenta was removed in bits, but I was ok. I wonder if some kind of psychological barrier kicks in, when people are really phobic.

The DC (now teenagers) were sick when they were younger, and I just used to chicken out, hide upstairs, and ask XH to deal with it. It was one reason I couldn't leave abusive XH sooner. DC1 was very rarely sick. He was sick relatively recently, and is also phobic. He took himself off and got on with it without alerting me, knowing that we share the phobia. DD was, unfortunately, sick a couple of times in the space of a month recently. She woke me up, though I was already aware and had three pillows over my head and my fingers in my ears. I said: "I'm having a panic attack, but I'll come and see you when I have finished." Once they are older, they are more able to understand that their parent is a basket case about it.

I wouldn't not have them, though.

I was terrified of being sick before I got pregnant and the thought of having food poisoning or a tummy bug would send me into an anxiety spiral.
I actually was unlucky and had pretty bad morning sickness for 20 weeks...and it was shit, but it helped me get over my phobia. It's not as bad in reality as it was in my head and I just got on with it. My other half even commented on what a trooper I was. So my point is if the worst does happen and you do get morning sickness you might surprise yourself at how well you cope.

Hi OP - you sound like me about four years ago!

I've had emetephobja all my life, since I was about 7/8. It's fucking horrible and I hate it with every ounce of my being as it's rendered me incapable of so many things on a semi regular basis. In my 20s I was largely agoraphobic as I was so scared to go out in case it happened.

I had DS 2.5 years ago. I actually had a breeze in pregnancy with regards to sickness and although I felt nauseous sometimes it passed by week 16. I had an elective c section and none of the drugs made me sick. I had no problem with baby sick, at all. In fact, I was fine the first time my little boy was properly sick. But the second time, and ever since, my phobia is back with a vengeance and has almost broken the bond I have with my son because I am so afraid of the sickness happening. I'm sitting here worrying because I gave him a chicken nugget and his tummy was gurgling in the evening. I hate this phobia. My husband is going Away for a week tomorrow with work and I'm scared shitless my son will get a bug when he's gone and I'll be on my own, and I'll catch it too.

I'd like to say it gets better. Some people report they feel far less phobic of sickness after being pregnant and dealing with it with children. But it's made me into an anxious, hot mess. I have to do ALOT of mindfulness to keep things in check. I'm seeing a therapist about the phobia now and she's doing EMDR with me as I have such a long and pervasive history of this phobia. But I love my son so, so much. I just want to be rid of this phobia too, and I will enjoy life a bit more.

Not really sure what the point of my post was, but if like me, you're worried a lot, get some coping strategies in place and it'll feel a lot easier xxx

My DD developed emetophobia as a teen. It was really quite crippling but we paid for her to see a Thrive therapist and after she followed the course to the letter she was cured.

My book is part of the Thrive programme and I am really pleased with it. I have read all the book now, just the case studies at the end to go through but I have found it really helpful. I need to work more on it myself now, but I am considering getting the other Thrive book. It’s a horrible phobia to have, but I am so pleased it helped your daughter.

That's great Becky
My MIL has had emetophobia for years. She has tried every therapy going but is still totally blighted by it. I was really worried that DD would be the same but it worked brilliantly for her. so pleased we found it.

What thrive book is this? When I google one about well-being and success pops up? Is this it? Would absolutely love if I can get rid of this phobia. It has definitely gotten worse after having children. But I’m trying my best not to let it take over. We still go on holiday etc, even though I also hate being on the plane. It’s filled w germs etc.

I fear I have pass my phobia on to my poor dd already, but maybe it’s not too late and if this book could help me, perhaps my dd will be helped as well.

It’s on Amazon and the one I used is called Cure Your Emetophobia and Thrive by Rob Kelly (I think that’s his name). It costs around £37.

I have emetophobia too. No way would I go on a cruise!

Unfortunately I've had hyperemesis in both pregnancies and my first dc vomited constantly for the first three years! Tbh I felt so awful in the pregnancies it was the last thing I worried about bizarrely. I was on lots of medication which did help with vomiting but not the nausea. I was sick from 4 weeks right up until after delivery but it was manageable and helped me not fear being sick in the end.

Couldn't do much about the baby being ill but the constant worry about him dehydrating and endless A&E trips trumped any phobia.

I'm far less anxious about it these days which is amazing as I've had it since childhood.

Thank you to everyone for commenting. I am sorry to hear that some suffered with sickness and HG, but pleased that it helped you in one way.

I do panic a bit when it comes to cruising. The first one I had no choice as it was booked for me. I expected it to come up eventually as my in-laws has paid for my brother-in-law to go on a cruise for his 30th Birthday a couple of years before and said they were going to do the same for my Husband when he was 30, so when they went on a cruise the year before they booked it whilst on board! I don’t take medication unless it’s prescribed, not even Paracetamol for a headache, but I took Kwells with me and happily took those! The second one I did because it was the Norwegian Fjords and because that is like lakes almost it would be calmer (only 2 days at sea) and the last was the Caribbean and it is like a millpond (so they told me!) not planning anymore! I did get anxious a few times (I was in tears at a dinner table when the captain announced we were staying in port overnight on our first cruise because of the weather being bad where we were meant to be going!)

I used that book - Cure your Emetphobia and thrive and it changed my life.

I'm still panicky when people around me feel sick or are sick, but my phobia doesn't rule my life anymore.

Yes, that’s the book- I really do think it has helped. I think I will read it again in the near future to refresh it. I do still get nervous but not as bad as I used to be. I thoroughly recommend anyone to try it. It wasn’t cheap at about £37 but it was worth the money.

Hi!
I had Emetophobia, funnily enough morning sickness didn't bother me.
I did however freak out if I knew anyone had a sickness bug, dettol was my best friend and I overcooked every meat. I didn't eat from takeaways for fear of food poisoning and so on.

I had counselling when I was pregnant with DD2 as DD1 was just about to start preschool and I knew she would eventually get a sickness bug.

Anyway, it helped. Pretty much cured it within the 20 minute session. I can't explain it and it's changed my life. Defiantly see your GP about it and as for counselling.