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Original poster

Can’t tell husband I’m pregnant

15 replies

Rachc81 · 16/08/2018 17:49

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant with my 5th child , I’m 37 years old - this pregnancy was not planned and completely unexpected but I haven’t told my husband yet as I know he doesn’t want anymore children and will want me to have a termination . I went through this 4 years ago ( my coil failed ) and I’ve never got over it . I am on the pill but seems like this too has let me down . I know I can’t go through another abortion but if I continue this pregnancy it has the potential to ruin my marriage .

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 16/08/2018 17:55

Surely if he was that adamant that he didn't want more DC, he should have had the snip? Especially if this has already happened once anyway? Would you be able to manage on your own financially, emotionally or practically, on your own?

SpottingTheZebras · 16/08/2018 17:56

I suspect from what you say your marriage won’t survive if you have an abortion either, as you will end up resenting your husband.

You need to talk to him. His views may have changed and if not, maybe you need to plan separate futures.

thejollytrolleydolly · 16/08/2018 17:58

@Rachc81 oh gosh, I'm sorry to hear you're in this predicament, it's such a hard place to be in. Would you like to have another baby? Maybe let your husband know how it hurt to have your last termination and how hard it would be to go through it again and maybe he would understand? Have you spoken to any friends or family about it?

Xx

LeftRightCentre · 16/08/2018 18:01

Men who bully their partners into terminations because they don't want any more kids but won't have the snip really, really boil my piss. You need to tell him and if YOU don't want another abortion then YOU don't have one. If he walks he still has to pay for his kids. What a dickehad.

Original poster
Rachc81 · 16/08/2018 18:03

We have spoken about him having the snip and I wish now I'd insisted on it . It has taken me a long time to forgive him for basically forcing me into an abortion and I know I couldn't do that again . I've text my best friend and told her but she's in France at the moment and has her own problems as her partner has recently left her and I don't want to add to it . I'm thinking my only option is to not tell him until I'm further along and a termination isn't an option ?

OP posts:
thejollytrolleydolly · 16/08/2018 18:15

@Rachc81 you do what's best for you! If you want this baby then no one should be able to force you to do otherwise especially when you already went through that once.

And I wouldn't worry about sharing your problem with your best friend. That's what they are there for and she will probably be comforted to know she's not the only one going through a tough time. Xx

LeftRightCentre · 16/08/2018 18:38

I'm thinking my only option is to not tell him until I'm further along and a termination isn't an option ?

The limit is 24 weeks. You'll be showing by then. And at any rate, why on Earth can't you tell him now and tell him there will be no abortion and no discussion of abortion and any attempts he makes are bullying and abuse. Because they are.

He's an adult, he was perfectly capable of seeing a doctor and sorting a vasectomy for himself, he just CBA'd and is a chauvinistic prick who thinks women are responsible for contraception.

I'd have trouble ever shagging him again with his attitude.

MrsMoastyToasty · 16/08/2018 18:46

If HE is prepared to do the deed, HE should be prepared for this outcome.
If HE doesn't want more children then HE should take responsibility for HIS own contraception.

Original poster
Rachc81 · 16/08/2018 19:00

I get where you're coming from with him leaving the responsibility to me for contraception. He just doesn't get the emotional toll my abortion took on me .
I can still remember the feelings afterwards and I know I can't do that again.
I know he sounds like a dick and in regards to this then I'd have to agree but he is a good person and I do love him and I know I wouldn't manage on my own with 5 children and only working part time like I do at the moment. I couldn't stay in the house we live in as the lease is in his name only ( couldn't have mine on it as I have an IVA and my credit is shot ) and it states in the rental agreement that if he leaves I can't live there . I don't want to split up but either way this ends our marriage will be rocked and I don't know if it will recover.

OP posts:
LeftRightCentre · 16/08/2018 19:18

He still has an obligation to support his kids. Anyone who coerces their spouse into an abortion is a dick. You won't be able to hide the pregnancy to 24 weeks. He has to be informed.

Ihatemycar · 16/08/2018 20:41

The question is how do you feel about having a 5th child?
Sounds like neither of you are serious enough about not having any more kids.
Can you afford another child? Do you have space in your house?
This isn't your problem it's both your problem. He needs to know and you both need to make a decision.
I only fear this is going to happen again and again if you don't make a permanent decision about contraception.

ConfusedUnsure · 16/08/2018 22:52

Idk if this will help. But don’t let a controlling partner destroy you from the inside. If aborting will irreparably damage your spirit, then keep the child. It’s that simple. I watched my father be controlled through 25 years of marriage. Now my parents are divorced. They didn’t go through terminations of pregnancies, but not letting your feelings on any issue have value is not healthy, either. Talk to family if you have it. Create a support system before you tell him. That way you’ll have a plan jjjust in case. You know what I keep hearing? The mother gets attached to the child from conception, but often times the father doesn’t until the child is born. So he may surprise you in the end, too.

ConfusedUnsure · 16/08/2018 22:53

*just

Idk why I typoed jjjust but I’m on a train, so maybe that’s why...

Original poster
Rachc81 · 17/08/2018 07:45

Thanks for all your replies .
Ive woken up this morning with mild cramps and light bleeding so it looks like i may be losing the pregnancy

OP posts:
Dinosauraddict · 17/08/2018 19:45

Oh gosh @rach I couldn’t just read and run. I’m so sorry.

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