I'm 21, in my last year of Uni but really want baby

[xxhannahlouisexx]

Hi guys,

I'm looking to chat to some non-judgemental mums out there, I'm 21, I've been with my partner for 3 years nearly and we've lived together pretty much since we got together,

we've always wanted a baby but now I'm getting really broody and don't want to carry on with contraception. However I found out a few weeks ago that my partner had chatted sexually to a girl online, this was only for 2 hours and he did ask if she wanted to meet him in a park but he didn't go (I have proof of this), he also admitted to doing this twice more in the past but only speaking to them for a couple of hours then deleting them/not talking to them anymore. I want to make it work and give him a second chance, I have told him if this ever happens again then we will be finished. He understands this and was very remorseful, he was completely honest with me which if he wasn't honest with me then I would of broke it off there and then. I also want to add that he's got major depression but like most men he doesn't talk about it and doesn't like going to the doctors, this will sound bad but I feel like at least he's being honest type of thing with the reason as to why he did it and that was an escape from reality (due to his depression) obviously it's an awful excuse and very much unacceptable, I told him that and as I said if he hadn't of been honest I would of broken it off there and then, but I'm going to give him a second chance, a final chance.

Since that happened and we spoke about things, I realised where I had neglected him and vice versa we have been really good, I'm just worried this is going to be a honeymoon phase part 2 and it'll go back to how it was... but so far so good. He says he wants a baby but I don't think he realises how much work a child will be and how much he will have to sacrifice. I don't think anyone truely understands until they have a child but I am aware it's not easy at all. I feel as if I'm ready for a baby, I don't go out partying, I don't do drugs and I rarely drink but the problem is for me is that I have schizophrenia which isn't great, but I'm on tablets for it and it is under control, however I am still worried... but this is what it's going to be like forever now on tablets with schizophrenia so in that sense I don't think it's going to change and that shouldn't stop me from having a baby.

My credit score is shockingly bad so I can't get a mortgage but my partner can, which is what he'll be doing in October, he's also learning to drive so in essence I feel like we'll be ready physically just whether we'll be ready mentally? I feel like I am but obviously how you feel can be different to what you are.

I know I'm still really young and there's a load of red flags but I do feel like I'm ready, a lot of people might think I'm wanting to have a baby to fix our relationship but I feel like we're fixing that without a baby and it does take some time, and I've been wanting a baby for years, I just happen to be extremely broody at the moment.

I just want to hear some advice, your stories, whether you've been in a similar place etc. I know a lot of people will tell me to live my life first but there's nothing I want to do where I couldn't take a child with me or do with a child etc.

thank you for reading :)

I'm 20 and have a 7 month old baby and omg it is the hardest thing ever! The amount of strain it puts on your relationship and you as an individual. You need to be with someone you can trust 100% and you can always rely on, it doesn't sound like the right relationship for a baby right now. Give it a few months and see how you two are getting on and have another thing about things... I don't think it's anything to do with age, being a mum is hard at 16, 25,40! X

I don't want to come across as a judgmental mum but please slow down and grow up before even thinking about it. You have no idea, none, how hard it is to a) be a parent b) be in a situation where the relationship falls apart and have to fight to have your child for even 50% if the time and live with constant threats. He sounds like a shit, but if he could be less shit for 3-5 years you can think again. You're 21, not 31 so what's the rush? Also get your degree. It's such a waste not to

There are so many things to factor in and it doesn't sound like it would be a good thing at all.

I wanted a child at your age and even stopped using protection with my partner at the time, like you, we had been together for 3 years. I am so so glad that I did not get pregnant by him.
I got pregnant 2 months before I turned 27 to my wonderful husband and we now have a 6 month old. We own a house and are financially stable.
I have suffered with mental illness for the past 15 years and I waited until my mental health was at the best it could be.

You can't be properly medicated while pregnant so if you're not in a stable place, pregnancy would be the worst thing!

You're both struggling mentally and a child can and will push all your buttons at times. I struggled so much with the lack of sleep that it actually stopped me from bonding with my daughter for the first couple of months. She is now my everything and I wouldn't change a thing but it's so hard at times.

He has proven him self to be untrustworthy and if this is the third time he's done this, it will not be the last.
I'm sorry but he is not the man that you will end up spending the rest of your life with so don't have kids with him unless you want to be a single parent.

You are so young and have so many years where you can do whatever you like, you will always have the chance to have kids so why rush?

You're definitely not in a position to be thinking about having a baby. Think about the situation you'd be putting that child into - potentially a broken home, with a single parent who isn't yet able to provide for them.

Also, I genuinely believe this- the urge to have a baby is hormonal. I'm 30, and every now and again in my life I've had that rush of 'I want a baby!' when I absolutely wasn't in the position to be having one. it might last a few weeks, or months... then it passes... Please wait until it's a more appropriate time.

Don't do it!! You'll end up dropping out of uni and on benefits!!! Make better choices.

Your bf sounds terrible and will not make a good dad.

You sound lovely and I am sure you will make a great mum when the time is right. However, that time isn't now. I know you feel very grown up now but the human brain does not complete all the changes of puberty until about age 24-25. No major life-changing decisions should be taken before that age.

Your 20s are for exploring who you are as an individual and building the foundations for your future life (hopefully by gaining skills and experience so you can support yourself).

Whilst some early relationships do survive, it is much more usual for relationships which start in your teens to peter out even if both people are perfectly nice (which I don't think your bf is) just from maturing in different directions.

Obviously plenty of people do have babies this young and if you do then it won't be an utter disaster - but wisdom would be to wait.