Husband not bothered ttc1

[Nillynally]

This is our 5/6 months of trying and i got a BFN again. This morning I got a slight squeeze as way of apology and he went back to sleep. Last month he said oh and walked off to have a shower. I told him later that I'd cried when he did that and he apologised so he does know how upset I get.
The thing is I'm starting to think he's actively avoiding me during the week I ovulate, we barely have sex then so that's the reason we're not bloody pregnant. He's not like this for anything else, he's kind, thoughtful, the envy of all my friends but trying to get pregnant has shown me a really weird side to him. Tell me it's not just me? If I try to talk to him about it he denies it completely. It's really frustrating me 😩

Sounds like he's feeling the stress to be honest.

If I were you, I wouldn't tell him when you are ovulating and would stop testing unless you miss AF.

I think we can underestimate the stress TTC puts on both parties. It can make DTD too pressured. He's probably worried his swimmers aren't working, which won't help.

Does he actually want a baby, or is it just you?

I'd also say he’s likely feeling pressure. I’d agree I’d stop even mentioning ovulating, it’s hardly likely to get someone in the mood. Also he might be feeling bad as you crying/getting upset every month could make him feel some sort of blame and guilty that he’s not ‘working’. Again this would massively turn most people off. Sex really shouldn’t be a chore where the consequence is your partner being upset every month that it hasn’t ‘worked’. Easier said than done I know. Good luck with it.

We've been together 11 years and he's never said he doesn't want children quite the opposite but he's never been what u would call 'a broody man.'

This is the first month I've tested since the second month of trying. I usually just wait for AF. It's not that I get distraught or cry, last month it was his reaction that upset me rather than not being pregnant and I don't mention pregnancy at all during the month, except when I don't get my period. This is all me not putting stress on him, it's fairly laid back and easy going atm, it's his reaction that worries me, just completely unbothered.

It can really stressful for men too as I think they worry that if pregnancy isn’t occurring it may mean there is a problem with their sperm and they don’t like to think of their virility being questioned.

Me and my DH TTC for 11 cycles until I got pregnant and during those cycles I didn’t mention it to him at all, this included not talking about fertile weeks, he had no idea I used OPKs, I didn’t talk him when I tested, I didn’t tell him if I got a negative result and I never made any kind of mention when my period arrived. He obviously knew I was on my period because sex was off the agenda and he’d see the tampons out in the bathroom but I never made a mention of it in relation to not being pregnant.

In fact, TTC was so un-mentioned that by the time I actually got a positive test I think he’d forgotten we were even TTC

I know it’s hard not to get obsessed with it and I know how disheartening it is to get a BFN. I joined one of the “Buses” in this conception thread to talk to woman going through the same thing which meant I could talk about TTC to my hearts content in terms of OPKs, pregnancy symptoms, testing etc etc and the emotions that came with it and that made it much easier to not say anything to my DH because I still had people to discuss it with.

The Bus was my sounding board and my support so I could completely leave DH out of it all.

If you haven’t joined a Bus yet then I would recommend it as you can gets lots of support from women who are having the same problems you are and help you through it all.

What sort of reaction do you expect though? Surely if he was really upset it would just make everything more pressured. I've been where are you are and was grateful not to make a big deal of it every month.

Don't tell him when your fertile window is and then he can't avoid sex during that time!

I don't think its uncommon for guys to feel a bit stressed at having to "perform" and worried that they won't be able to in some way (whether they can't keep it up or whether their sperm isn't fertile). It's also not uncommon for guys to be much less emotionally attached to the whole ttc process so I wouldn't worry too much. You should discuss it with him though.

Have you spoken to him about how much you want a child?

My other half was the one to suggest coming off contraception but he didn't want to "start trying", just no longer preventing and see what happens. I think he's cautious about the effect it could have on our sex life. Maybe your fella wants to keep you as his sex goddess and not a baby vessel?

So, I track my BBT, know when I'm ovulating, don't make a point of telling him and shave my legs and wear my best underwear on those days! No BFP yet, but it's keeping things light-hearted!

What do all these abbreviations mean eg BFN?

@KinCat I have, we're both 30 and have just bought a large family house to put all these children in so the plan is to very much fill it.

@AmyRhodes that seems like the best plan. I'm not upset that I'm not pregnant yet, it's fine, I'm just a bit disappointed with his attitude but as others have said it's probably masking his stress. He was the one after all to declare that there would be no 'trying' he had super sperm and it would only involve one go....

@Nillynally

They all think that don't they?! 😂

When my friend got his girlfriend pregnant he genuinely believed that his "sperm was so powerful it just blasted the pill out of the way."

🤦🏻‍♀️

@AmyRhodes classic man 😂

He's probably disappointed too but tries not to show it so it doesn't upset you. I wouldn't read to much into it

Maybe he is just quite easy going about it and thinks it will happen when it happens. Everyone reacts differently to these things so you can’t expect him to have the same feelings as you. I would agree don’t tell him when you are ovulating as it does put pressure on!