Idiot friend after miscarrying!!

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Name change for this little rant..
I've recently gone through a miscarriage & I'm so angry at my best friend for the way she's handled it. She was the first person I told I was pregnant & she seemed happy for me but still talked to me a little bit like she was my mother (typical of her at times.) when I started having bad tummy cramps & bleeding I messaged her & she said
'If you're meant to have a baby you will if you're not you won't. What's meant to be will be. Im a firm believer in that.'
This was 2 days ago, & I haven't heard from her since. I've lost my baby & she can't even be bothered to ask IF I've lost my baby or if I'm ok nothing! She's had problems in the past depression/anxiety & ive always been there for her no matter how unreasonable she has been at times. I'm sad to throw away a 13+ year friendship but I honestly don't think I can forgive her for this, I'm heart broken x 2. Don't know what I'm asking for here I just had to rant...

for you OP so sorry for your loss. That's horrible about your friend, the comment would maybe have been ok as part of a longer conversation but to just leave it as that isn't nice. Look after yourself

The comment is one thing, the not hearing from her after is another. Sadly, she isn't someone you can (or should) call a friend. So truly sorry for your loss

Thanks @Lindah that saying just grates on me 'what will be will be' it just feels like such a flippant saying when someone is losing a baby. I know I'm overly sensitive right now though. Maybe I will chill soon 🙁

You're right @kezebel. Luckily my partner has been amazing because I don't really have anyone else other than him & her. This would of been 10,000x harder alone! Count your blessings I suppose 🙏🏼

I'm so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately in my experience a lot of people say the wrong thing and are insensitive. It doesn't always come from a deliberately malicious place u think it genuinely comes from people not having a clue how you feel.

So sorry for your loss.

Maybe just step back from your friend right now & grieve and recover. You can tell her how she’s made you feel when she gets in touch.

People can be incredibly insensitive sometimes without quite meaning to I think.

When I had a miscarriage a friend said ‘oh it wasn’t a planned pregnancy just forget about it!’ It hadn’t been planned but my god was it a very much wanted baby.
Friend didn’t mean it, she was later really contrite when she suffered a miscarriage and I consoled her.

Be kind to yourself, put your friend to the side for now, concentrate on yourself and healing.

So sorry to hear about your miscarriage. It's a dreadful thing to go through so please focus on looking after yourself and your needs and put your friend to one side right now. You need to focus on you.

I know from my own similar experience with a close friend how much their insensitivity at this time can deeply hurt to the very core. I miscarried at eleven weeks just a couple of months ago, and in reply to my devastated message to my friend, she replied in the same note that she was seventeen weeks pregnant and hadn't told me but thought I should know.

I'm still fuming over her lack of thought and sensitivity around her timing, and we haven't spoken since.

I think sometimes people show their true colours and if it's at a time when your vulnerable and need empathy and support, if they're not able to offer that, then you owe it to yourself to create some distance to protect yourself.

Take some time away from her, grieve your loss, get strong again, spend time with people who understand.
You can't rebuild the friendship now as your focus needs to be getting over this. As time passes you will know whether you want her back in your life or not.

Thank you everyone for your lovely, kind words they're really comforting I wish you were my real life friends! sad 😂😂

@Alwayscommuting I think you're right, if you haven't experienced it you really can't comprehend & things you think might help actually really cut deep.

@fuzzywuzzy I'm sorry for your loss, this also wasn't a planned pregnancy & I feel absolutely awful now for not being over joyed when we found it. I don't think that guilt will ever leave me. I almost feel like I deserve it, for being ungrateful.

@botanica what shit timing 🙄 - I don't think people realise how even if you're not far alone in your head you're having a baby. Is it a boy or a girl? What will they look like etc... all of that comes crashing down & I feel so desperately sad for a baby, my baby that will never grow to see the world. 😞 It's very hard. I'm sorry for you loss

I’m so sorry you’ve gone through this
I’m not making excuses for your friend but it seems to be that people are actually shit at saying the right thing when you’ve had a miscarriage.
I’m glad you have such a supportive husband.
Take care of yourself and focus on getting through this. Don’t waste your energy on her right now x x

So sorry for your loss

I'm the friend,well someone who can and probably was a dick like your friend when my friend struggled with infertility and miscarriages. I'm sure I've said a lot of stupid shit(some has been confirmed after reading threads/articles about what NOT to say) with well meaning intentions pr in a panicky "oh shit what do i say how do i help " moment.

IF and that's a big if, she really is a good friend talk to her once you are in a better place mentally and emotionally.

I had a friend - close since we were teenagers, one of my bridesmaids - who was totally shit when my dad died, and it’s ended our friendship. No big blow out or anything, I just don’t bother with her anymore. She showed me who she really was as they say. She just couldn’t be arsed with my grief.

It’s horrible though OP and makes a hard time even harder. Try not to focus on your anger and instead focus on healing. I’m so sorry this has happened to you.