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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

HOW TO TELL MY BOYFRIEND I WANT TO HAVE A BABY?!

10 replies

StayingUnknown · 05/07/2018 15:38

Hello,
please no nasty comments to what i'm about to say!

So I fell pregnant roughly three months ago and was pushed towards having an abortion by both my parents and my boyfriends parents. neither him or i wanted to get rid of child but felt we did not have a choice. now i know that it is quite soon and we are still in the same situation we were before, i.e. living with out parents etc. but i really want to get pregnant again. i hate that i let them convince me in to having a termination, and i know i cannot make it right but i want a second chance. i just don't know how to bring up the idea to my boyfriend as i don't want to scare him away. I'm quite certain that if i did fall pregnant again he would stick by me but i'm worried since its so soon he will say ive planned it and will break up with me. obviously i want to speak to him about it first as i dont want to go behind his back as it would be his kid too, any advice would be helpful. thanks.

p.s. we are both 21 years old and are in full time work.

OP posts:

Sammyham88 · 05/07/2018 16:01

Bloomin' too right you should be talking him before you try and conceive!

How long have you been together? Is his job enough to support both of you and raise a child on?

TBH, you're still living with your parents and while under their roof think they should have a say too if you're planning on being pregnant/ bringing the child in to their home.

Hideandgo · 05/07/2018 16:06

Sounds like it was a mess.

But having a baby won’t fix anything, just you will become a parent with all the financial and emotional burden that entails. Please please for the love of God, get your own place with your boyfriend, live together and make a decision to have kids together. It really sounds like you are a step away from diving into this for all the wrong reasons and without preparing as best you can for the most precious people you will ever be responsible for.

heatwave2018 · 05/07/2018 16:10

Don’t let anyone push you into a termination. I would talk to him about having children. All relationships end in ether splitting up or death so approach the child situation now and if he doesn't want a child then give him chance to split up

AlwaysTheEnd · 05/07/2018 16:13

I don't think you should try and get pregnancy again until you have somewhere of your own to live and only if you have your boyfriends FULL agreement. Even then I think it would be best to wait a while. It's silly to have a baby with someone when you haven't even lived with them as a couple. You responsibility to your future children is to provide as happy and stable home as you can. You need to make sensible choices to do this. You need a job, money, a stable home and a stable relationship. (Obviously it's also ok to have a child as a single person! )

Having kids is wonderful and very fulfilling but there are lots of other things to enjoy while you are young too. Why the rush?

BTW How long have you been dating your boyfriend. Even if you are completely ready to have a child at 21 it's unusual for a 21 year old guy to be ready. (Not saying it's impossible but it's unlikely)

AlwaysTheEnd · 05/07/2018 16:18

Also, if you are considering having another baby then you should tell your parents. It's their home and you need to give them the opportunity to say whether they would want you to stay with them if you have a baby. Presenting it as a done deal is childish and selfish. It's completely your right to
chose whether or not to have a baby but it's your parents right to not want to be in a position where they have to House you and a baby.

mummabubs · 05/07/2018 16:31

Others have already said most of what I'd say, but I'd add that 3 months since your first pregnancy ended is really not long at all. I wonder whether you want to get pregnant now because on some level you're grieving for the pregnancy you had. Maybe give yourself some time (a decent amount of time) to care for yourself and give yourself the space to process that.

For what it's worth I've recently had my first baby aged 30 and happily married to the baby's father, and whilst I appreciate everyone is different in my experience having a baby seriously tests your relationship. (And we are very happily married). I'd echo what others have said about living alone together first, thinking it through financially (babies are so expensive!! - both short and long term), making sure you are both committed to raising a child together. I definitely went through a long period of feeling very broody in my mid-twenties, so much so that the thought of not having a baby hurt. Mine came after a pregnancy scare funnily enough. With hindsight I'm so glad that we waited another few years even though it was difficult at the time as not only did it give us time to seriously consider the reality of having a child but also gave us time to make the most of being 'responsibility free', as the second you go down that road to have a child you can't decide you'd actually like to be care free!

mummabubs · 05/07/2018 16:35

Sorry, also meant to add that I read your line about part of you being worried that your boyfriend might break up with you if he felt you'd got pregnant on purpose. Alarm bells rang for me as this doesn't suggest that you feel the relationship is very well-established or stable, which honest to God you need to have that sturdy base before planning to bring a baby into the relationship. And meant to emphasise either sussing the family you live withs views or be very prepared that if you do get pregnant they may very well decide they don't want you to live with them anymore, which would be justified in my humble opinion.

Darkstar4855 · 05/07/2018 21:33

How would your parents feel about you living at home with your partner and a baby? Unless they’re completely happy with the idea then you will probably need to sort out getting your own place before you even think about a baby.

If you haven’t lived together and had experience of managing a household, rent, bills etc. then that in itself is a big step to take without the extra stress of a baby on top.

Have you thought about the finances and how you would afford all the things the baby will need and childcare if you are planning to go back to work?

Honestly from what you have said in your post it doesn’t sound like now is the right time for you to be having a baby even if your boyfriend is willing. Why not set yourself the target of getting your own place first with a view to perhaps trying for a baby in a year or so once you are settled under your own roof and have had time to save?

KnitKitty · 05/07/2018 22:05

StayingUnknown I'm so sorry you felt pushed in to getting an abortion.

I imagine your head is allover the place at the moment.

I would seek some counselling to sort out what you've been through. It's not uncommon to feel a desperate urge to be pregnant again when you lose a pregnancy, but it sounds like it might not quite be the right time for you yet.

It's really good that you're planning to talk to your boyfriend about all this. Do. But I would advise you both focus on sorting out your living arrangements and settle down before thinking of being parents. It sounds like the people around you wouldn't be very supportive if you were to get pregnant again, and you will need a lot of support and help around you when you become a mum. There's no rush. Do it when the time is right.

Snappedandfarted2018 · 05/07/2018 22:07

I was 21 when I had ds I wish I had waited I was far too young and inexperienced in life, also the relationship didn’t last past his 1st birthday

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