Should I do it? Why am I having second thoughts?

[Kate8989]

Hey ladies

A lot of you know me on here and my story. MC, recently diagnosed with severe recto-vaginal endo.
I thought I’d have to wait months for a second op to remove the 3 nodules I have near my bowel. But looks like it will only be a couple of weeks and I feel doubt creeping in about the surgery and I don’t know why!?
He said it’s for me to decide what I want... have the surgery which involves risks and could adversely effect my fertility if something goes wrong I suppose. Or keep trying to conceive, continue being in pain everyday and feeling down and depressed.
HELP! X

I like the sound of not being in pain, down and depressed. Did they give you an idea of the probability of these risks? I know they always have to say these things but it's amazing what they can do these days.

@CookieWaffle- hey, no not in detail but I’m
guessing if they do damage to my uterus for instance and I’m bleeding they may have to remove it? That kind of thing. When I had my last op he didn’t really say it would risk my fertility but this gynaecologist did?! That’s what’s putting me off a bit, but I guess that’s worse case scenario.... he’s not purposely going to do anything that will be of detriment to my fertility- (I hope!) . He’s sending me a letter so I’m guessing that will state all of the risks x

@Kate8989 definitely a tricky decision. I know what it's like after having a couple ops and being warned of the risks, but the benefits definitely outweighed these particular risks. I guess it depends on how bad you feel now to how bad the risks are. Big IF but if worse case you would at least have your health and other options although not ideal. Hopefully the letter gives you a little more assurance xx

@CookieWaffle- thank you! Well let’s just say I can’t imagine living life the way I am at the moment. I can’t even have intercourse because the pain from my nodule is too intense. So I guess the decision is a no brainer really? Just looking at the UCLH website (where my gynaecologist works) these are the risks....
Damage to bladder and ureters.
If the ureters are involved then a stent (tube) is passed via a telescope. This is removed as a day case 6 weeks later.
If the ureter is cut then it is possible that a cut will be required in the abdomen to rejoin it.

Extensive surgery in the pelvis may result in delay in return of bladder function. Occasionally you may need to self catheterise in the short term and very rarely in the long-term.

Damage to bowel. This can be in the form of a leak from the join leading to an abscess. This may require draining with a small tube, occasionally it will require a larger cut in the abdomen to correct the problem.

Damage to nerves and blood vessels
Infection

Risk to delayed complications including bowel leak and haematoma (collection of blood in the abdomen) that can occur up to 2 weeks after the procedure. In addition, if a piece of bowel has had to be removed then there may be changes to the way the bowels work in the future. These changes usually resolve over a period of weeks to months.

Risk of a fistula (abnormal connection between the bowel (or other organ) and the vagina).

Loss of a tube or ovary due to bleeding.

Risk of adhesion formation

What decision would you regret more given the information you have now? That's how I would make the decision...

I'm glad I've been doing this round of ivf. Not sure I can do it again... would I regret being childless more than doing another round? Probably. So decision made. Round 2 is in planning (even though the outcome of round one is unknown).

It’s just a shit situation as I’m in pain everyday so feel I have no choice! TTC is hard enough as it is, being in pain everyday is unbearable and I can’t imagine living my life like this much longer x

So it sounds like your decision is made...

Hugs Kate. I'm very aware of how shit it is. But that's it - see it as a hurdle to overcome, not a barrier. I'm sure you've faced obstacles before, and you will again. This one's a biggie. It's a test. A test that could be the making of you.

Oh @Kate8989 I've read your story from the beginning. I know it's a daunting choice but you should go ahead with the surgery. I know there's risk with fertility but do you think you'd be able to even try and give TTC a go without it? If you don't have the surgery, pain aside, it might also hurt your fertility. No one can tell you what to do but I do hope you make the decision that's right for you.
Just remember the surgeons have done this produce numerous times before.

Oh ladies! I know we’ve been together on this journey for so long, I actually feel like I’m getting somewhere now and I’m getting cold feet- what’s wrong with me? Looking at the list of fertility risks- it looks like it’s just tubes and ovaries. I can live with that, I mean I could get a donor egg could I not?!?
@DaisyMay25- how you doing?
@physicskate- hows things with you? X

@Kate8989 you could indeed and if it's just one tube, many women get pregnant with just one! Also with just one ovary, hopefully all is successful! What date are you having it?

I'm alright, the pain has eased of a lot, scans didn't show anything so who knows why I have them. Only got three months to go before my gp will refer for tests as to why I'm not pregnant again yet so just counting down the months now

Had some frustrating news. I've developed ohss which might mean we don't go to embryo transfer on weds. Feeling very very hormonal. Like I might burst out in tears. It's been awhile since I cried over this... it's just so unfair. But that's life. I'm sure I'll get over it.

@DaisyMay25- that’s amazing your pain has eased, what a mystery that was! It’s great you have something to count down to. Makes the time go so much quicker...
@physicskate- oh bless you! What’s ohss and what does that mean for you? X

ovarian hyperstimulation - basically my abdomen is full of fluid so it's a bit painful to move. Feel a wee bit nauseous. I have to go to hospital if I stop weeing as it means the ole kidneys are shutting down because they can't handle trying to get rid of all these hormones.

It means I may or may not have embryo transfer. If I don't they will freeze any embryos that are good enough on day 5 (which could very well be none) and I'd have to do this all over again another time. If we do transfer, the symptoms are likely to get worse. They will sometimes implant embryos that aren't likely to survive thaw.

@physicskate- oh my goodness me! Bless your heart, so this has happened as a result
of IVF? Sorry to hear you’re in such pain. Bless you xx