I hate myself

[mummytomaxwell]

Three weeks ago I had sex for the first time since February when me and me ex split up. I went to the doctors for the morning after pill, the only downside is the pharmacy didn't have it in stop and took 48 hours to get there. The pill was supposed to be effective for 100 hours and I took it 60 hours in or something around that time.
Today I did a test, there was a very faint positive. I also have a 7 month old baby to my ex so pregnancy was definitely not on the cards.
This is where I become the worst person I have ever been.. if I am definitely pregnant the dad is a mutual friend of mine and my ex's, we started a fling but he called it quits to get back with his ex who left him for a woman.

This whole situation is f*cked and I don't know what to do. Do I tell him? Or will he just tell me to get an abortion anyways? Do I keep it if I am and be a single mum to two or do I abort and live with the guilt?
My head is a mess and I need some genuine advice😣

Have you got a pic of the test? If you've not had sex for 3 weeks it should be a pretty strong line by now, what kind of test did you use?

Sounds like you're definitely pregnant. Only you and your gut will know what to do in terms of if you want to have this baby or not and if you base that decision on anybody's feelings but yours or what others might think you will regret it later either way. It's up to you.
So sorry you are in this situation! I have had two babies to different men by myself and i found it actually really empowering and we had a lovely time by ourselves and the right man floated along after that and treats them as his own. Life gets in the way sometimes and id have never planned it this way. They are thriving, I've had them by myself and worked full time and done a degree and had a gorgeous family, it's not as scary as it seems.
The one thing I would say is whatever you decide to do is fine and your choice completely. Give yourself some time to make that choice. You are in shock and it might take a few weeks to properly think it over.

@tigerroundfortea your message is just lovely!

What makes you think you're a horrible person, stop it right there?! There are plenty of people with 'unconventional' situations but it doesn't make you a horrible person, unconventional is my fave word, wouldn't it be boring if everyone's situation is the same ay?

I'm a 'child' of divorced parents and it's a whole different shade of interesting who my step family are but I love it, taught me a lot about the complexities of relationships and life, bloody brilliant!
It's so hard to advise what to do with 2nd pregnancy, as you know having a baby is haaaaard, having a 2nd will be no different. I'm ridiculously pragmatic, can't help it, so my two pence worth is to look at 2 scenarios 1)keeping it with him involved 2)keeping it without him involved. If you break it down you can explore how you feel and what you'd do and if you really cannot see number 2 then ask yourself if you'd be prepared for an abortion.
There is nothing wrong in any of the outcomes as long as you can lay your head on the pillow at night and know you have done the right thing for you. You can't live your life based on decisions that are best for other people can you, especially this!
X

Why does having an abortion mean living with guilt? I have never regretted an abortion.

I agree with @candyflip - I can't see anything to feel guilty about in your story!

You had sex after breaking up with your ex. It sounds like you consensually had sex with someone who wanted to have sex with you, who is an adult, and no one was cheating. Nothing to feel guilty about there!

You two called your relationship off, it sounds like you had sensible reasons. No guilt there either.

Sex sometimes leads to pregnancy. Again, there's no value judgement needed there - we all know it's a thing that happens.

If you decide to have an abortion, it will be because the situation isn't right for having another baby. And whatever your reasons are, they are always good enough reasons! There's nothing to feel guilty about here either.

If you keep the baby, and you feel somehow that you've brought a baby into a non-ideological situation - again, no need to feel guilty! I'm sure it will be tricky at times, but all pregnancies/babies/lives can be tricky, even if everything goes the way you planned it.

It sounds like you're beating yourself up - please don't. Obviously it's tough when life throws things at you that you aren't expecting. But that definitely doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. And wherever you decide to go from here, whatever choice you make is a good choice.

Thank you all. I told the guy and he wants me to keep him updated but is adamant none of his baby making ingredients went inside.
I did another test today but it didn't come out as positive yet the two I did yesterday did.
I only wouldn't be able to go through with an abortion because I know people struggle to conceive and would rather, if I really couldn't bring another child up, make sure they went to someone who couldn't have children. I know they don't get a heartbeat for a while yet but I don't think I'd be strong enough to do that.

Hope you're ok op either way.

@mummytomaxwell please don't beat yourself up, it's one of those things and that does not make you a bad person. Advice above about the two scenarios is spot on. But given that his response is disbelief he may ask for a DNA test before accepting it. Don't take it personally if that comes up, he's just in self preservation mode and wanting to be 100% sure. I'm the same in that I know abortion isn't for me so unless you change your mind, you're just having to figure out logistics.

Congratulations by the way, a surprise baby or otherwise this baby will no doubt be loved.