At a loss

[custardcream5]

Hello to anyone who can help me with this,

Myself & my partner have been trying to conceive baby number 2 since November 2017, I mean actively trying using ovulation sticks etc. I fell pregnant in January but sadly had a missed MC in Feb of this year.

Last month I lost 'the pregnancy' and had expected it to have been lost earlier as when it came away It had been approx 8 weeks since the MC. Since the MC we have continued to try each month and last month we tried the sperm meets egg method where you DTD every other day until you get a positive OPK and then DTD every day for three days miss a day and DTD again.

This put a lot of pressure on the relationship as DP said he felt pressured to perform. Anyway this month I was sure I was pregnant but AF came 4 days late just to upset things even more

Myself and DP have decided that this month we will just go back to having a healthy sex life as we conceived first this way with DD and she was totally unplanned I don't even know how we managed it because we just seem to be having so much trouble this time and I just feel lost.

I have said I won't buy anymore OPK tests but how can I not when I want this baby so much and feel so let down and out of control by my body. I know that compared to many women we have not been 'trying' for long at all but it seems like years.

I just wanted to know if anyone has any success stories of starting to not try and falling pregnant, I'm in between thinking I should go and see my GP just for some advice. I feel we are both fit and well and under 30 (just) I just feel at a loss as to what to do...Is there a possibility the MC in Feb May have messed me up inside so to speak?

I started trying around the same time as a couple of friends and have had to watch them go on to get pregnant with no complications & I'm finding it hard to even speak to them as I just feel bitter!

It's just really starting to get me down and I work on a maternity ward so it just makes it harder to not become obsessed.

A hand hold or anything would be lovely...

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I went through the same, list the baby at 11 weeks, trying again now.

The most tried and tested method seems to be sex every 2-3 days throughout the cycle (so 2/3 times a week). I've been using opks to see if my cycle is back to being fairly regular but we've been having sex regularly with no pressure on hubby to do so. If he's not up for it I respect that. I still keep an eye on my cycle monitoring period dates and cervical mucus but don't go waving opks at him or anything like that. This worked for my first pregnancy; the one we just lost was a fluke as we only had sex once and I ovulated earlier than I expected to.

@custardcream5 so sorry to read your post and about your mc. I am doing the same so here for some support and a hand hold! Me and other half have been ttc for 6 months and nothing yet.
I have been doing clearblue trial (control group) last two months and found not using OPKs to be liberating! It has meant much less pressure on our relationship.
I also spoke to my doctor last month for unrelated reasons and she said it can take a healthy couple up to a year or more so just try to enjoy the trying!
I really do wish you and your OH the best of luck in your ttc journey.

@HidCat thanks so much for taking the time to reply. I'm so sorry for your loss it's just awful & you always know it's a possibility I think but never think it'll happen to you until it does...

Okay that's good advice I have definitely been putting pressure on my other half I always tell him when I'm ovulating and have been getting annoyed if we don't DTD and I know it's unfair on him so will put a stop to that. We have sex fairly regularly anyway and I think I'll still use the OPKs because I can't always tell when I'm ovulating.

I just don't think my cycle is back to normal it's now four days longer than it was and I'm ovulating around day 17/18. I think I'm disappointed because we did the method to the letter and in my head I was thinking how can it not work?! But it hasn't and I don't think I can do another month of pressured sex.

I'm hoping that once we chill out it'll happen but know no one has the answer I want. Just wondered if I went for some advice at my GP would they brush me off and say come back in a year? I just feel confused about everything...

@sophi22 thanks for your reply I appreciate it, it's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this.

I haven't heard much about that so am planning to google tonight as it may be something to try. How does it work?
Will this be your first baby?

I naively thought we would fall pregnant after a month of trying so we even put off trying for baby 2 because we were convinced it would be quick...it's been a good but hard lesson.

I think that's the general consensus that most couples will fall pregnant around s year of trying but it's hard isn't it when all your friends seem to be getting pregnant like it's nobodies business. I just fear I am turning into a bitter person and can't feel happy for anyone at the moment.

I'm always in between thinking what will be will be and in another way I'm like no I need to try everything to get pregnant! I wish you every luck

@custardcream5 unfortunately docs tend to fob you off until 6mths if you're over 35 and a year if under though I'm sure it couldn't hurt to get some advice about your cycles after the MC. I've been told it takes a few months to get back to normal so I'm just assuming my old average cycle still applies and going from there. I've definitely become more obsessive about TTC though, just trying not to pressure my husband.

Hi @custardcream5 we started trying February 2017 both early 30's - after about 6 months of not even a hint of a BFP I started to get Very down about it all - I was using opk sticks and in the end wasn't even sure I was ovulating - in fact my last period was last October. At the end of last year we relaxed more as we were sure we'd have to seek medical help in early 2018. In January I got my bfp after feeling 'off' for a few days and am now 25 weeks due in September. Hopefully that gives you some hope as it happens the month we relaxed and dtd the least, and I hadn't had a period for 3 months!! I fell pregnant. Good luck and sending you best wishes xxxx

Have you tried taking your temperature to pin point ovulation? OPKs are great and all but the only thing to reliably tell you when you’ve ovulated is your temp.
Downloads fertility friend and track for a month no pressure to conceive. Just see whether your cycle is doing what you think it’s doing. It might give you a sense of control of things which may help?
Certainly did for me anyway.
Good luck.

Hello

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I've not gone through a MC myself but can certainly understand the frustration and desire to conceive and each month getting hopes up followed by disappointment.

I was desperate to have a second baby after fearing most of my life I wouldn't be able to conceive (no idea what gave me those thoughts but I had them anyway) and then falling pregnant with my first.

So how did I help myself fall pregnant a further two times?

The 2nd was - I believe (in addition to the bedroom dept) was acupuncture by a Chinese herbal medicine expert. I had to take ba Zheng wan which helped regulate and destress. I had been trying a year and nothing. 3 months of this treatment and ta dar!!

3rd child - I sold everything (people carrier, prom,clothes)........and 1 month later - preggers.
The reason, I hadn't planned on it, just got on with life and busying myself with a 2 and 4 year old, and probably because I was t stressed and had started to really take care of my body with diet and exercise it happened.

So not being stressed and hung up is probably the answer (easier said than done) which is where the acupuncture came in - I was so relaxed I would fall asleep. 1 session once a week for 3 months is all it took. Perhaps try a holistic approach for a while to let your body just chill out?

Good luck, I'm sure it will all happen before you know it. 👶

I want to cry. I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm so sorry you are feeling so much pain. I had my first ivf in May but had m/c on Mon. My numbers didn't go up high, slowly rose. Then I just had a natural m/c. We're planning to have 2nd ivf in a couple of months. Don't give up. I know it's really hard to pretend its ok. My doctor told me the other day that it's ok to be disappointed but do not be discouraged. I think the same can be applied to your situation. Please stay strong for dh and yourself. You are in my prayers.