Would I be stupid to try for another baby at 41 with a 6 year age gap?

[dilemma45]

Has anyone done this? What are the pros and cons

I have one dc and thought I was finished but I have this nagging feeling...

I know it might not happen anyway but should I try or would that be foolish?

If you want one and it will fit in with your family life then go for it! I will be 41 when o have my first and we are hoping for another pretty soon afterwards. With a six year hap you'll have lots of time with baby when your other child is in school.

Im 42 and pregnant my youngest will be6 when baby born.

Slightly different but i’m 39 pregnant with DC3, DS2 is nearly 6, DS1 is 9.

I thought we were done. DH wasn’t. Neither of us wanted to regret not having another so we went for it.

I'm 41 and expecting our 2nd about a month before DC1's 9th birthday. We thought our luck had run out and are still baffled how we got this one when we've had no luck at all for the past 5+ years.

From what I've read, larger age gaps are slightly easier as you get less jealousy and the older one can be more independent. DC1 is thrilled and has chats at night with my bump.

I have no idea what the odds are of you getting one - even if you manage to conceive, your miscarriage rate is still 40%+. I've just accepted that being over 40, and having a 40+ husband and a pregnancy with no morning sickness, all of which increase your miscarriage rate, this baby is just meant to be here. Hope it works out for you.

Only you know the answer. No pro’s as far as I can think. Cons are that you’ll likely never e able to retire because you’ll be hitting your 60’s just as they’re leaving school and heading to uni. Teenagers in your late 50’s.

Personally you couldn’t pay me to do it. They don’t stay babies and neither do we stay young and there are the potential health problems which go with that.

From a personal level I am extremely glad that I don’t have older parents.

I am an older parent.

The OP won't be retiring until 67 anyway...so the baby in question would be 25! Unless she is well-padded with a great pension etc.

I have teens in my mid-late fifties - they keep me young, we do all sorts of physical activities, nothing stops us really, and I can't see what the disadvantages to them having older parents are! I am a lot more chilled and confident - and less uptight than many younger parents I see on MN.

If you get pg (as many, many of us older parents do, with ease) you are within your natural childbearing span, so what's the issue? As older parents you are likely to be more financially stable etc.

There is often shocking age-prejudice all over MN.

My friend is currently pregnant with DC2 she is 39 and will have a 6 year age gap. If it's what you want do it.

Oh oh oh also my mum had my brother at 42. I was 16 and my sister was 8. So it's probably quite common.

My mum just said " you won't be having another one now love will you? You're too old😩

Go for it ASAP. Time is of the essence and you don't want to regret not trying down the line. Good luck!

My mum said similar. She actually told me i’d ruin my relationship with my eldest (she was projecting, she hated being the eldest of 4). It’s not your mum’s decision.

I'm trying at 41 and there will be a 6 year age gap if we succeed soon.
It's harder to conceive and more risk of miscarriage, but it's certainly worth a try

Yes I don't think it is very likely to happen but maybe it's worth a try...

Good luck cleo.. if it does happen
are you worried how it might affect your older one. Mines been an only for so long

I'm pregnant, 40 and will have a 22 year age gap!

There's 6 years between me and my sibling and it's never been a big issue. Of course we got jealous of eachother but what kid doesn't get jealous of their siblings. Now we're older the age gap doesn't make any difference anyway.

I'd go for it! My Dad was 43 when I was born and we have a great relationship. The 6yr age gap is no different to if you'd had a second 2yrs ago and wanted a third so I don't see it being a problem. My cousin had a baby at 40 wit an 11 yr age gap to her oldest sibling g and to this day they are very close. I'm facing a 6yr age gap with mine now as we had a miscarriage but it won't stop me trying.

If you can do it (physically and financially) and want to try, I’d go for it.

I wouldn’t worry about the age gap because that will diminish as they get older (adult age) - but it may well be nicer for your children to have a sibling as you age.

But you will be more tired! I was 29 with my first and nearly 37 with my fourth - I was so much more tired. And you will be older when they are teenagers - but that may not matter. They could be an easy teenager/ they could keep you young.

Another one saying you should go for it. Does your DC ask about siblings? I have a 4 year old who would be over the moon if I got pregnant (as would I!). Me and DH both have siblings with a 5 year age gap to us who we have both always been close to.

If you try for 6 months with no joy then your GP should run some tests which can give you clues to your ovarian reserve, or you could go to a private clinic for a fertility MOT.

As PP have said, you will be at higher risk of a miscarriage due to egg quality declining with age.

Good luck OP

I’m 39, just had DC2 and DC1 is 6 years old. We thought we were done with one child then had a rethink and decided to try for another for a short, defined time period. If it was meant to be, it’d happen and if not we’d move on and keep enjoying DC1. I got pregnant first month.
There’s no jealousy issues, I get to spend lots of time with DC2 when DC1 is at school and DC1 will have a sibling (he doesn’t have any cousins). Being slightly older parents we’ve made a commitment to eating healthier food and looking after ourselves. Good luck in your choice.

Ruby .. I will be hitting my mid/ late 50s when dc leaves school/ heads to uni anyway also I guess what's another 6 years?

I think it would be nice for the older ones to have a future friend and also they could enjoy helping out and feeling feeling grown up and important.

It will be harder though, I have just had a mc after over a year of trying. Not giving up yet though!

Sorry to hear that cleo

Good luck with ttc

For what it's worth, I feel physically fine at 27 weeks. Not particularly tired or anything. I'm still running 4-5 x a week so I'm not sure being 40+ necessarily means you're going to struggle with being pregnant. I'm dreading sleep deprivation though towards the end of pregnancy and when the baby arrives.

I had ds at 43 when ds was 6!!

Congrats kirinm

For those of you who had later pregnancies how long did it take to conceive and did you have miscarriages along the way.. I know the chances are much higher over 40 and that frightens me about trying

But the alternative is no second child at all