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Conception

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Original poster

IVF Fail attempt 1

10 replies

Babytales13 · 29/05/2018 21:13

Hi. I am 40 and a single woman. I just did my first round of IVF and was told to come in today to check if I was pregnant. I had ALL the symptoms and perhaps my expectations were very high, but I was so sure. I got a HCG of 1 and was told it was for sure that I am not pregant earlier this evening. Now I am getting cramping and obviously feeling devastated. It could be the power of the mind but I’m blown away and confused. Could it be wrong?
I moved from the UK three years ago and now live oversees. I have come especially to have IVF as where I live it really isn’t an option (another continent) and I’m more secure where I feel comfortable. This has been so expensive in terms of time and finances and emotions. I don’t know how to proceed now? How soon can I implant my one good frozen egg ? Did I do something to contribute? I’m just so confused upset and angry. Please let me know if anyone has had anything similar. 🙏

OP posts:
Janefx40 · 30/05/2018 07:35

@Babytales13 I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I'm sure you've done nothing wrong. I was 40 when I started IVF, 41 now.

I found that the actual process of IVF (ie injections and procedures) was much easier than I thought but the emotional impact when it didn't work first time was horrendous. But amazingly, I did bounce back in time. It's surprising how resilient we are. I can remember thinking 6 weeks later that I felt well again and had recovered emotionally. Actually I then found the second round a lot less stressful.

My Dr said to me that natural conception only has a 33% chance of working each month. So IVF does better than that - but it isn't going to work every time even if everything seems ok. It's just nature - not all of our eggs have the right genetic make up. That's true at any age and does get a bit worse at 40 - not worth stressing about because we are the age we are - but the reality is not every embryo is able to make it.

I don't think there is anything you have done wrong - or could have done. That one just wasn't your baby and it is very sad. But the chances are it wasn't able to be.

Generally you have to wait 2 cycles to start again - not sure if that is the same with frozen. But take some time to grieve and then be nice to yourself and let yourself recover

Xxx

Janefx40 · 30/05/2018 07:37

Incidentally you may find more support by posting under infertility rather than conception as that is where all the IVF ladies are

X

Original poster
Babytales13 · 30/05/2018 09:36

Thank you 🙏 I will try posting under infertility.. bless you for pointing me that way.

Logically I know all those things about why these things happen. But emotionally (and it could be all the hormones) I feel floored. I feel embarrassed and lacking in some way. I know I shouldn’t but I’m my worst critic and that is going into overdrive.

I’ll wait to hear back from my doctor on when I can try again. And in the meantime... try to be nicer to myself.

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Janefx40 · 30/05/2018 09:53

If you ask Mumsnet they will move it over for you. Or you can start a new one.

Take care of yourself. Have you confided in any close friends or family? Talking to them may help. And also most IVF clinics have links to counselling (that they don't bother advertising for some reason) so you could seek out the counsellor at your clinics

X

Janefx40 · 30/05/2018 09:53

If you ask Mumsnet they will move it over for you. Or you can start a new one.

Take care of yourself. Have you confided in any close friends or family? Talking to them may help. And also most IVF clinics have links to counselling (that they don't bother advertising for some reason) so you could seek out the counsellor at your clinics

X

Original poster
Babytales13 · 30/05/2018 09:56

I’ll copy paste it under infertility. I have my mother over with me. She’s 70 also living out of a suitcase. My family are on the phone. I just feel like such a loser. Can’t get a man. Now can’t get pregnant. And the guilt for my poor tired mother. And my lonely father missing her. 😔 I guess it will take a few days.

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Original poster
Babytales13 · 30/05/2018 09:58

I’m so glad you mentioned how long you had to wait. I had read that after a hysterectomy I might have to wait for one cycle but my clinic, Lister , said no. I feel maybe I should have just listened to online chatter. Afterlife they are very much a business.

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Original poster
Babytales13 · 30/05/2018 10:01

I spoke to the counsellor a few times during this process but if I sit soo frustrating having to explain myself that at the end of my last session I decided that’s all thanks. I may try it again. And they are too busy for a face to face. It’s over the phone with someone I’ve never met.

OP posts:
Janefx40 · 30/05/2018 10:18

I'm sorry things are so tough. I was single until I was 38/39. I went on so many dates with a whole heap of men - none of whom I was ever interested in. Then I got together with a friend.

You just haven't met the right person yet. People said all sorts of things to me like that I was fussy (what does that even mean - I wasn't looking for a movie star just someone kind who I was attracted to?) but the truth was I hadn't met the right person. Well in my case, I had but we weren't in the right place before then.

IVF is an emotional rollercoaster. Especially the first time. You just have to ride it out.

Original poster
Babytales13 · 30/05/2018 10:22

Great advice. Buckled up. 👶 eyes on the prize.

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