AIBU

[1875mlk]

Myself and my partner have agreed to start trying for a baby, both really positive and excited. Discussed finances and childcare and all sorts of things (probably got a million more things to discuss but my point is we're on the road to being half mentally).

I have no reason to believe I'm going to have a problem conceiving, we're both in decent health, I have always been regular with my periods (just came off the combined pill), and yet I cannot shake the feeling we aren't going to be able to conceive, as in I can't sleep as I am so nervous about it.

Not sure if it's relevant but our siblings have all got children (although my sister had 2 miscarriages and a still birth before her two children were born safely - FYI my sister is my hero).

Along with all this, I am having nightmares I'll be a terrible mum, which I think might come from people telling me I'll be a good mum because I'm a great aunty - maybe I'm just taking that as pressure?

I guess my question is, is this normal or am I being a weirdo (it wouldn't be the first time!)? X

It's completely normal in my experience. I've felt like this each time I've thought about having a baby, convince myself it won't happen and I've had 4 children. I'm in my 30s now and I'm starting to drive myself crazy again because of my age.

Sounds completely normal. I always had a voice in my head telling me we would have problems conceiving (for no logical reason as we are both in good health), but I'm currently 23w pregnant and we conceived without even meaning to in the end.... I think we all have these sorts of doubts.

I hope is normal as I am in the exact same situation. Just started ttc end of April and all I can think of is: what if..?

Tbh I have always tought this to the point where I had sleepless nights and nightmares.
Oh the other hand my other half is super relaxed and not stressing at all and I have no one to turn to with my worries :(

So here's to being weirdos :)

Thank you all, whilst I'm not glad you're feeling it, it's nice to know I'm not alone!

@Akasia please feel free to talk to me! I know what you mean, especially since my sister has has so many problems I feel quite guilty talking about my concerns considering they're without merit (although to be fair to her she'd be fine about it). I also have a friend who lost her little girl at 20 days old last year and is now 35 weeks pregnant and whilst everything seems ok so far, obviously she's really scared too. So I do feel a bit like I need to get a grip, but as you can probably agree, it's easier said than done.

Have to done any tests yet? Xx

Congratulations @itallhappensforareason how are you finding pregnancy xx

It’s perfectly reasonable to think that. I have been pregnant twice in the past both times whilst on the pill so not ttc and I have one 9 year old daughter. My grandparents and parents have all got more than one child and had no issue conceiving. My sister has just had a baby that was conceived whilst she was on the pill. No family history of infertility. My partner and I are both healthy, non-smokers, non-drinkers (well apart from on occasion lol). My periods have always been extremely regular. We have now been trying for 19 months and just simply aren’t conceiving. All our tests have come back completely fine and they can’t find any reason why I’m not getting pregnant. I’m just not. So regardless of health, family history etc it really has no bearing on your ability to conceive either way. So while it’s reasonable to assume you won’t have any problems, it’s also reasonable to assume you will. If that makes sense.

Oh and I think every woman worries about whether they will be a good mum before they have kids. Honestly, unless you are neglecting them or off doing drugs instead of looking after them then you’ll be fine. There’s no textbook, you just find what works for you. Good luck!

Its normal. It’s the fear of not being able to have something that you really want.
I have 2 children. We decided a few months ago to try for number 3. I was petrified I wouldn’t be able to conceive (for context, no 1 took over a year to conceive, no 2 conceived while on the pill). I was convinced that it wouldn’t happen this time.
We conceived the second month of trying this time.

@Bubblegum89 thanks so much for your reply. You're so right, whilst I am aware I'm possibly being a bit dramatic, I do think it's worth me going into this with a realistic approach - I know not to take it for granted anyway.

I love and adore my nieces and nephews and I'm confident I'm a good aunty, but I am sure being an aunty is a whole lot easier than being a mommy! But we will see.

I really hope you get what want soon, or at least some answers. How are you TTC, as in are you following your cycle and stuff or are you just going for it and seeing what happens? I'd like to say I'll just see what happens but I think I'll get quite obsessed after a while with ovulation etc.

Thanks again for your reply xx

1875mlk we were ttc using opks and timing sex. I deleted all of my fertility apps about 6 months ago because it was getting beyond obsession. I’m now in month 20 of ttc and just had my last fertile week before we call it a day. The doctors can’t help us as there is technically nothing wrong. We may move onto IVF next year but other than that, we are finished ttc for the time being. It’s very easy to become obsessed. Just try to remember that tww symptoms have nothing to do with whether you have conceived or not and that you only have a 20-25% chance of conceiving every month so don’t be too bummed out of it doesn’t happen right away.

It’s good to go into ttc with an open mind. We’re taught at school that we MUST use contraception if we don’t want to get pregnant because unprotected sex equals pregnancy which is absolutely not the case at all. I think that’s why so many people get disappointed when they first start ttc and they don’t get pregnant immediately. Having realistic expectations is completely fine in my opinion, yes you may fall straight away but it also may take you months, years or you might not be able to get pregnant at all and need treatment. It’s a rollercoaster for sure but if you can be patient whilst ttc then you’re already preparing yourself to be patient as a parent lol

@Bubblegum89 yeah I totally agree, to be honest before my sisters issues I was so naive to it all! Especially thinking once you got past 12 weeks it was all smooth sailing (not trying to scare people).

Fingers crossed for you though xx