Sooo broody and feeling like it's never going to happen ☹

[Merrz]

Not very sure what I'm looking for here. Feeling very down. Been off contraception 14 months, cycle 10 of actively trying (opks/charting etc) Visited my friends new baby this morning, I was nervous about seeing her because I have been feeling very jealous and resentful (she was one of those we didn't expect it to happen so quickly) but as soon as i held her gorgeous little boy i felt an overwhelming pang of wanting a baby, obviously i wanted a baby before or we wouldn't of been trying but the feeling is stronger than ever now and I feel like it's never going to happen.

@hopingnwishing hope you're OK. Ttc can be tough but you as a person are worth more than whether or not you have children. I don't know the context of what your DH said but honestly I think he does care. And even if he doesn't, we all on mn care! Please take care and try to think of all the lovely things about yourself and your life.

@MaGratgarlik is right i think OH has said something in the heat of the moment we re all guilty of that @Hopingnwishing promise us you ll go and c the doc i know ur prob thinking anti depressants wnt help the only thing that will help me is a baby. But i went on them for a while and trust me they will help u get out of this hole that ur in. Your not thinking clearly right now and thats a scary place to be! Im sure your sister and the rest of your family would care, theres at least 2ppl on here who know how u feel and care. Have the docs suggested any medication for ttc?

I have tried Clomid but it did nothing. I don't have PCOS so there's no point trying metformin. I feel like I'm being really sh*t to my sister but it's too difficult any other way. Saw the Gynaecology consultant who said he cant explain why but it's probably stress related and to go away and relax!!! Giving that I wake up every morning with my jaw clenched and in agony I don't think that's going too well.

I definetley think some anti anxiety meds would help u i was the same not sleeping not eating crying all the time, uve got nuthing to lose at this point. Do u have a regular doc that u know that would be easy to talk to? Open up to ur sister and tell her how low u are feeling she wont want you to suffer in silence x

My sister is useless, least disorganised person in the world and resented me when we were growing up so we're not close. I don't tick enough boxes for depression, I sleep fine , eating is sporadic because of my job but appetite is ok. Dh has had depression in the past, I've told him I just feel sad all the time and low but I think he still sees me as the strong one and dismisses it.

@Hopingnwishing hun the fact that uve wanted to cut ur wrists and u wake up with pain in ur jaw from clenching it soo much are both big red flags that u need help. U can tell me to shut up if u want but im honestly worried about you, would u consider contacting breathing space or the samaritans and talk things through with them. Like i said theres nothing to lose from it if u think they arent helping then hang up, but i think they will. Ttc is seriously stressful no ones judging u for the way u feel, i ve never had a positive on an opk im stressing out thinking i dnt ovulate either its shit!

U alrite hun?

Oh this is an awful thread to read. :(

@hopingnwishing you poor thing. I know it's not what you want to hear and everyone is saying it, but please go get help. If you don't think any of your family are willing to listen, or don't think they'd be very helpful, then maybe you should consider a few visits to a counsellor. I started training to be a counsellor myself and even the training is very therapeutic and can be so very helpful. I think if you could talk it out with a professional you would feel much better. They can offer a range of coping mechanisms and stress relief strategies and all sorts. Honestly.

I agree 100% have u only tried clomid have u tried any alternative therapies for ttc im looking into them at the minute

@Hopingnwishing ??

Hi guys I'm ok just took a break from mn as I didn't feel it was helping. I've tried multi vitamins as well as Clomid but I think my specialist is right in that it's down to stress but short of quitting my job and changing career I'm not sure what I can. (Winning the lottery would also help). My mum keeps coming up with stories of people who have adopted etc which isn't massively helpful either. I think I'm going to get my current work project finished in the next 4 weeks then try to enjoy the summer without thinking about things

@Hopingnwishing so glad ur back..so adoptions not an option for u at all? I think she is trying to help she prob sees how upset u r and just wants to make it all better for u. I was thinking about trying acupuncture have u tried it? Or hypnosis? Theyr both meant to b great stress relievers! The way im trying to look at it is dnt say no to anything cause u just never know what might help and if it doesnt at least i can say i tried everything. How are things with ur hubby now?

@hopingnwishing I would second someone's suggestion of a counsellor as I think just talking about your feelings can really help. Don't dismiss your feelings like they don't matter as they do. It sounds like there are a few options you haven't tried yet so don't give up all hope!

I know a few people who have adopted and are really happy. I think your mum is trying to be helpful with that suggestion. I don't know if this would help but there are some good videos on youtube you could watch if you are interested in finding out more? I had never thought about it until recently but after watching one of those videos it definitely made me think that could be a good option. Hope you feel better soon x

adopting would be an option for dh but I'm not so sure. I meet a lot of adopted kids (and ones that go on to be adopted) and having so many of them have issues I'm not sure I would be the right person for them. Of course many are fine but your experiences change your opinion. Mum is being helpful but we've not even had ivf yet nor failed ivf so it's jumping the gun a bit and basically writing us off before trying. DH has apologised, when angry he tends to lash out verbally. I wouldn't say things are 100% with us as he's also been under a lot of stress in work and is over tired and snappy but we spent some quality time together over the last few days.
I don't have time to see a counsellor at the moment but my Jack Russell is a very good listener 😁

Thats great that ur gettin on better with ur hubby its a start and like u said if uve not even tried ivf it could work. Ttc is soo draining we all have our down days..

@Merrz You're not an idiot at all, and who isn't naive when they start TTC? You allow yourself to have unprotected sex which goes against everything you've done in the past, and those sex ed classes said if the sperm goes in, a baby WILL come out. There was no infertility chapter. It's our 1st wedding anniversary in a few weeks and I was absolutely convinced i'd have a baby by then because we started TTC on Honeymoon. Now we know that romantic notion is successful for a select few! I know today is a downer for you but you need that to clear your emotions now and again, tomorrow is a new day. Good luck to you all xx

Thanks Peachy i just never expected it to consume my life so much. It's funny really isn't it, I was so regimental with my pill, literally set an alarm on my phone to ensure I took it the exact same time every day and here I am stopped taking the bloody thing for over a year and nothing.
I hope you enjoy your anniversary anyway, it's milestones like that which hit you isn't it. I have my 1st GP appointment today

@Merrz gd luck at gps ❤dont know if u already said but do u chart and use opks

Holy fuck. I can't believe it

Omg @Merrz its 2lines ur pregnant!🎉👶

I just can't believe it, ttc for 14 months with no sniff of a bfp then the morning I'm going to see my gp about infertility this happens

Thats amazing hun it always happens when u start to give up lol all the waiting was worth it💜

Amazing, this gives me hope. Congrats

Thanks guys. A week ago I would of slapped someone for saying this but please hang in there, fx for you all.

Thanx @Merrz i agree with @LillyLeaf it does give u hope when u hear of sumbody thats been through the struggle and got their happy ending (cheesay but true) lol