2nd miscarriage in a row :(

[Mangopr1]

Well it's official. I'm currently going through my 2nd miscarriage in 6 months and I'm absolutely heartbroken. This is my first child and so far I'm absolutely HATING this pregnancy experience.

My mother suffered from a high number of miscarriages and even a still birth due a chromosome abnormality she carries. I was hoping that I would not also be a carrier but I'm starting to come to the realization that this may be the case and I'm dreading it. In honesty I've never been the best at controlling my emotions and I'm actually concerned about my mental health if this were to keep happening.

I can't even think about work. My role involves me dealing with a lot of customer complaints and I'd actually tell them to bugger off in a less polite way right now!! Is this something the doctor would give me a note for do you think? I really feel like I need some proper me time this time. The first I could tell myself 'oh it's really common there's only a 2% chance it'll happen again' but this time just feels so much worse because for me it signals there may be something more sinister going on and I'm dealing with the idea that I may be starting the long journey my mum had to endure.

Fortunately I am only 24 so I know age is on my side and I just need to keep going and be strong.

My partner is devastated as well of course. He was looking forward to being a dad again (he has two older children already). I can't help feeling a bit lonely because of this though. He has held a child before and known it was his. He has seen them grow up and loved them and shared memories with them knowing they are his little creations. I am so worried I will never have this it makes me sick. I've not eaten or slept properly for 3 days now because I can't shut my brain off.

Thanks for the support in advance. You guys are always awesome xx

Sorry for you loss OP 💐

Sorry you're going through this OP 
I'm in a very similar boat, also just had my second mc in 6 months whilst trying for first baby. This one was a mmc and I thought it was going well until scan showed otherwise :( had medical management and it was all quite traumatic.
Definitely a gp will sign you off if you ask. I'm also having some me-time to try and recover/ feel better mentally.
I'm coming up to 36 so also got the time worries. It's such an awful and harrowing experience - I wish you all the best. I can't imagine wanting to try again at the moment. Hoping that will change soon.

So sorry to hear that NewName. I was hoping mine would be natural again but the hospital have called me this evening and asked I go back on Tuesday as my levels haven't quite fallen as quickly as they'd like. It's just the last thing I need. I'm so sorry you're going through this too. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

It's just utter shit!!! I want to scream that from the roof!

I am only 24 so I know the doctor will likely scoff and tell me I have all the time in the world but it doesn't make it hurt any less :(

Wishing you all the best xxx

I would really hope that decent doctor wouldn't be like that - it's a heartbreaking thing to go through and, at whatever age, the loss of a planned for and much wanted baby is awful.
The waiting just makes everything worse. I hope things get sorted for you soon xx
It's nice to have a place to talk about this- my husband's great in many ways but I have really felt alone with all this.
As much as I want to be pregnant again I am worried that it will happen again or that I'll lose my mind to anxiety with it all!
All the best for Tuesday
I am back at hospital on Friday to check everything has 'passed'. It really is a shitty thing to have to go through xx

Yes this place is great! I have no friends who are going through this (as far as I know) they pretty much all have happy healthy children so I feel like it's the only place I can turn where people will understand!

I know what you mean about the anxiety. Im concerned about my mental health of this were to happen again and again! My mum told me yesterday that when it was happening to her as awful as it is she just had to become detached from it and almost cold toward the situation (easier said than done) and keep in mind that it's the end goal that's important and so worth all the crap in-between.

We'll get there xxx

You WILL get there. I feel sick for both of you reading these, takes me right back to my miscarriages & I know exactly how you are feeling. My last one 2 years ago & when I knew I was going to lose it, I went to work the next day but completely fell apart when a colleague announced her pregnancy. The dr was concerned about my mental health after that ( had never seen this GP, don’t really have one I see regularly and not dismissive at all, signed me off for 7 days) I hated that I was worried about work when I was going through this but was better for me to be at home. I am just here to say, much as it’s hard right now, if not impossible, stay strong and stay positive, you WILL get there. If they can find a reason (chromosome issue or otherwise) at least you’ll know, and can do whatever needs doing to minimise risk of it happening again. I had to wait until the third loss for them to investigate and remember hoping for a reason almost, so that I could do something (there wasn’t one), and every pregnancy was so traumatic and anxiety ridden. Awful. I had 5 unexplained miscarriages, then this time last year was pregnant again, having decided this was it for us, horribly hard decision but felt I was losing my mind, and I am struggling to type this with my 5 month old baby on my knee. Never believed we’d get there, I turned 40 this year and felt a real panic about running out of time too. I have to say, beginning to end of this pregnancy was so so hard, my anxiety knew new levels, I was high risk anyway and just felt uneasy constantly. Very hard to enjoy any of it, I couldn’t compare notes with other pregnant people as they just didn’t have the fear that I did if that makes sense? Midwives and drs were pretty good but still quite dismissive of my fears, happens all too often apparently, which doesn’t help at ALL, since this is you, your pregnancy & your baby & it bloody matters! .I don’t think i could do it again, but so glad we had one last try. Nothing helped me when it was happening but I felt a tiny bit better reading peoples stories of having their baby eventually so hope to shine a little light on your sad times. Stay strong, lean on whoever you can & believe. I was told to give up & accept it. Glad I didn’t. X

Tabby- thank you so much for sharing your story, I really needed to hear that today. Ended up at a and e at 5 this morning as woke up soaked in blood- this is day 11 and everything had been calming down. Then had a massive bleed that was too much to manage at home.
The short version is that I have an infection and ‘retained products’ and am now booked in for surgical management on Friday - which I’d tried to avoid.
Feel so exhausted with it all and very sorry for myself.
It’s hard to stay positive but so important to do so. Congratulations on your baby, hopefully this time next year we will writing posts like yours xx

Thank you Tabby. This gives me hope.

I'm still clinging desperately to the possibility that I won't have the same abnormality as my mother and am just unlucky to have 2 but I feel deep down that I do and I can't help googling everything under the sun about it. I'm just torturing myself with the idea that I'll never have a child of my own. And that is literally what it feels like absolute torture. I've just slept and slept today not because I'm tired but just so I don't think about it anymore.

NewName I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm praying to God that he helps us through this and allows us our babies soon (although I've got a few stern words for him as well about all this!!)

Oh bless you feel tearful reading as I remember so clearly going through this and the awful words 'retained products of conception'. Just awful. Look after yourself & hope you get over it quickly (physically, obviously). After I'd had a couple of losses I almost detached myself like mango said her mum had, it was a way of protecting myself, we'd get a bfp and feel no excitement, just worry so I tried not to let myself hope. So hard to do though. With the last pregnancy, I didn't buy a thing and the night before I went in to hospital to have dd I had to rush out and get the essentials. I still didn't let myself get too excited even then, no one could understand. So unfair that it takes all the joy away, looking back I shouldn't have let it. Nothing wrong with hope! It's just the nature of it, like you say, it becomes so exhausting. Thinking of you x

Oh mango (posted at same time) It is torturous, there's no other word. I've never googled so much in my life as I did when it was happening to me, impossible not to! Really hope you were 'unlucky' too & you get your baby when you are ready to try again. X

Thanks Tabby.

I feel like trying again straight away in all honesty. If this is going to keep happening until I hit luck then I'd like as many opportunities as possible so as much as my mental state may hate me for it I just know I can't wait to keep going.

The only positive thing im holding onto is that when I've been pregnant both times it happened so quickly. First time was the first time we tried and the 2nd time was my second cycle of trying. I'm just hoping this happens again xx

Thank you Tabby x
Mango - look after yourself, sleep is a healer and a good way to get through the days, in the beginning at least.
Good on you for wanting to try again straight away- I’m trying to get in to that frame of mind - got at least a couple of weeks until I’ll be physically ready so hopefully my brain will catch up in the meantime xx

Hi Mang you're going through this. Have you been tested to see if you have the chromosome issue? I ask because my MIL has one and my DH has now been tested and he is also a carrier. As a result we've had 6 MC over almost 8 years of TTC. However it wasn't until our 5th year of TTC that we discovered the issue. After a MC they tested the fetus, found a genetic issue, subsequently me and DH had genetic test, DH discovered he was a carrier, then because of that MIL was tested which is how we discovered she had it too. She also had lots of MC before she had DH.
Anyway, my point is, if you know you DM had a chromosome issue you will be able to be tested. If you are a carrier then there are options for treatment with ICSI with genetic testing . The good news is that being young time is on your side.

Good luck xx

**that was supposed to say Sorry you're going through this! X

Has your dr ever spoken to you about taking baby asprin? My sister had a healthy baby then when trying for another had 5 miscarriages in a row, Dr recommended she took baby asprin and when pregnant again had a healthy baby.

Hi BlueMoon

No I haven't actually been tested yet so I'm not 100% sure that I do have the same issue as my mum although with my situation now it seems likely. The doctor told her at the time to just keep going and eventually it will happen she just had to be prepared for more loses along the way.

I'm just so concerned that I won't be as lucky as her and maybe my time will never come. Every where I've looked online says in the majority of cases you will eventually end up with a successful pregnancy so I'm trying to keep that in mind.

I'm sorry you are also going through this. It's really awful. I feel very guilty on my partner knowing it's my body that has the fault.

I have heard about the aspirin. I've got my first drs app tomorrow so I may mention it there - thank you xx