When DH says no to another baby, does it mean no?

[mumbleboo]

Or do you just wait until you get one, as my mum thinks. How do you compromise on this issue?!

Not quite sure what your Mum means?

tell him your pregnant, check his reaction....that shoudl tell you if he is serious or not.

don't think i would like ot be the one to tell him your fibbing though.

Did you discuss and agree numbers before you married?

..and would you leave him and find another man rather than face never having another child?

i don;t see how you can compromise

you either want a baby, or not

and getting pregnant accidentally on purpose is often a recipe for disaster

Either nag until he relents as I did, or give up and enjoy what you've got.
Already planting the seed of possibility for no.4, BUT not without his agreement.

I think if he says no its no and I wouldnt just get pg to see if he means it. My Dh always wanted one I wanted 4 or 5. We had DS and took it from there and now he agrees with me that he thinks he would like 4 but we are holding off the last one[we have 3] until he is sure!

I asked my DH a few years back if he had any yearning for another DC, because if he did then we ought to do something about it. (I was pushing 40 then). He said, no he didn't. Didn't want to start from scratch again, when basically we were just getting some order back into our lives now that the dds were no longer toddlers. I just accepted that. We already have 2 lovely dds and I didn't really have an inclination for another one, but I would have tried for a 3rd if DH had been keen.

So I would try and phrase the question in a way that you'll know for sure if he means it or not.

But there is an argument that it's as much against your rights not to let you have one as against his rights to have one he doesn't want. It's a very difficult issue for lots of couples. Some usualyl those where one wants one or more children and the other want none at all split up over it.

Dh reckons we're an unhappy compromise. He wanted 2 I wanted 4 we've got 3...everyone's unhappy but at least it's fair
We will have another tho'.

This is a really tough one for us. becuase I think I do want a third, am pretty definite about it, but Dh is not convinced at all. And i am worried that if I push and push and push until he agrees, and then something god forbid happens to either my health for eg, or the baby's health, would their be recriminations/resentment, even if it was unspoken??? We have two perfect, healthy boys, am I just being greedy?
If Dh is tipsy, and we discuss it, he says go for it, but go for it soon, because I don't want a big age gap. If we talk about it in the cold sober light of day, he is agaisnt it! Very confused, because it really is just down to me, and I have to make my mind up soon.....can i cope with three? I know fundamentally, he would be fine once the third was here, if I'd left the decision up to him we wouldn't have any children at all!!!

If someone says no I always presume that is what they mean.....

dp wanted 1
i wanted 5

we have 5

Dh was a confirmed batchelor at 43 when I met him. He split with the others because they wanted babies. He is now coming up to 55 and we have 2.

My dh says No
Has said No for the last 6 years
He means No

There is no compromise if he is to continue to be my dh

People should not have more children than they can afford to bring up...is that an issue ?

Before we had DS DH wanted 3.
For the first 18 months of DS life, DH determined he would be an only child, after seeing labour, how hard I found first few weeks (months?) etc.
Now, if asked (by family etc, I don't ask, would make him reinforce his attitude!) he sticks to this ...but I am sensing a slight shift away from hardline 'no'.

I'll be patient...

Mozhe, I totally agree with you. I cannot CANNOT have any more. We would be bankrupt. I can't help thinking that I should have had my children earlier (like 20 something). I would have been given housing so wouldn't have to work etc. Having them later in life hasn't helped me as I will be turning over my daughter to my childminder in September because someone has to pay the bloody mortgage.

By working UCM you will be model for your daughter when she grows up....be proud that you are paying your mortgage !

I fear that I may not be around when she needs me though Mozhe

I support all ours but that didn't make my ex husband want the twins, even though he had a full time nanny, cleaner and was able because of my income to give up his full time work. It was the day to day dealing with small children etc which he didn't want.

Very, very difficult - I was seriously broody after first 2 and wamted a 3rd, dh had been adamant all along that he only wanted 2 (as had I been - didn't count on hormones!) After moaning to my friends for a few months I finally plucked up the courage to tell dh how I felt - after 24 hrs thinking time (I backed off big time after telling him how I felt - left the ball in his court) he said - I agree, I'd been wondering what was wrong! However - I must point out that if he had said no, sorry - no more for me please - I would have respected that.

I got pregnant by accident. It was the icing on the cake for us! If we had thought about it too much we would never had done it. DH is over the moon!

We only have DS and i don't hanker after that tiny baby stage because DS is just one year old so i remember it quite well!But seeing him as a toddler, finding out things and playing etc makes me realise how massively important it was for me to always have someone to play with when i was younger (i am one of four). We fought a lot, but we are also all there for eachother now, and good friends. I know being siblings doesn't guarantee friendship, but it gives it a good chance i reckon! I would love to have another little one like him around, but i know DH is not so sold on the importance of siblings, he gets on with his brother but they're not massively close. We could afford another, just about! And i know our family would gather round to buy any stuff we needed, they are really great. We were definitely not planning kids, had only been together a couple of months when this one "happened"! And i always said that i couldn't knowingly plan a child, but i do feel that it's important to have brothers and sisters, and i never saw myself just with one. I'm not sure i have the self restraint to stop myself spoiling him!I really wouldn't want a big age gap either, so i feel that i'm going to miss the chance IYSWIM. And DH also sometimes says wouldn't it be nice to have another, but then backs off from it if i say even maybe! I would never get pregnant accidentally on purpose either, couldn't live with that.And mamazon, although i like your cunning plan i too wouldn't like to be the one to test it out!Anyway, there's my ramble. It just seems like something you can't compromise over, unless i say i want 4 and then "settle" for 2!