I can't relax about maybe conceiving while BF

[ArtichokeTagine]

I am still BFing my 9 month old DD. My AF has not returned since I had her.

When we decided to try for her I approached it like a military operation from day 1. Temp charting, OPKs, the lot. After 3 months I was pregnant. I never understand people who say we weren't trying it just happened. Surely you are either trying not to conceive or trying to conceive.

Ideally DH and I would like number two to arrive when DD is just over two. So we will not start properly trying until after Xmas this year. BUT we know we would be upset if it doesn't happen and would regret not trying before. So we decided not to use contraception. This is good for our sex life as we hate condoms. It seems very unlikely I will get pregnant as I have not had AF.

The thing is I cannot relax. Every time I feel a bit tired, or a small bothers me, or I feel sick - I immediatley think I must be pregnant. I have no way of knowing whether I have ovulated so know way of knowing when I could test. I am spending a fortune on tests every week or so to put my mind at rest.

Has anyone else been through this? How do you just relax and enjoy sex with no contraception? Is there really any need to worry about pregnancy when I have not had AF?

You could still get pregnant, BF a 9mo is not a reliable form of contraception, but given your "military history" you will know that there are times in your cycle where you are far more likely to conceive.

We fell with ds at the first time of asking and are now in our 11th month of ttc no. 2. If it's taught me one thing it's that it's not all up to me. Just relax, enjoy your baby, enjoy your husband and see what happens. Just use contraception now if you know for sure that you don't want to be pregnant just yet.

i think the contraceptive benefit of bf is only if you feed at least every 4 hours, including through the night. if you are ok with getting pregnant then carry on as you are. i wouldn't rely on it myself. think about it..you could ovulate, get pregnant, all just before you would have got af. i became pregnant immediately from coming off the pill...no af.

First of all, bf is not a reliable contraceptive, not even with frequent feeding, and noteven whereperiods have not restarted. If the idea of being pg now is really worrying you, use some other form of contraception.

Once your periods are back and regular, you can avoid sex on your fertile days. This is effectively what we did until we decided we were ready for no. 2 (my periods restarted when ds was 6 months and were immediately regular).

If you really don't want to get pregnant then I don't think it's possible to relax and enjoy sex without contraception.

It's not actually all that unlikely that you'll get pregnant; if you ovulate (as, at some point, you will) you can conceive. Simple as that. Breastfeeding will not act as a reliable contraceptive.

You say yourself that you're either trying to conceive or you're not - so it seems to me you have two choices: either plan for a baby to arrive as and when, and relax and enjoy having sex, or use contraception and relax and enjoy having sex.

BTW, if there's one thing 5 pgs and 3 mcs have taught me, it's that this whole conception thing is not always conducive to planning.

just re-read OP. Should be "smell" not "small" and how can I confuse "know" for "no"? Maybe I am pregnant - I seem to have a pregnancy brain!

I know there is a chance I could get pregnant. But it is a small chance as I have had no AF and it took 3 months when I was timing it to the minute. I would not be upset to be pregnant but nor would I feel totally easy with it. What I find hardest is not knowing whether there is any real possibility I might be pregnant. If I get a negative I can't then have that confirmed by my AF. Instead 3 days later I think I need to test again. I guess I am not the kind of person who can just wait and see what happens.

It feels wrong to use contraception when I know I want another baby and know many people who struggled to have second babies.

Sorry - not sure why I am going on about this!

AT - I know what you mean when you say you don't understand people who just see what happens, either you are trying, or you are not. I'm just saying that with this one though, it's not actually up to us, no matter how much you attempt to control it. You can decided to NOT get pregnant but you can't just decide that you are going to have a baby.

Dh and I have 4 pregnancies between us (he has other kids) that happened at the drop of a hat and yet this one eludes us.... I do wish you well though.

3 months is actually pretty quick, AT. Each cycle has only an average 1 in 4 chance of ending in pg even when sex is had at the right time.

I think you're probably broody tbh.

How about striking a compromise with yourself - contraception until your periods come back (which is unlikely to be long now), then when you know where you are in your cycle you can decide from month to month whether to take the 'risk' or not?

if you are ambivalent about getting pregnant, or not sure you would be thrilled, then use contraception.....if you are testing to put you r mind at rest, would indicate to me you are possibly not quit ready to get pregnant..why not give it 3 months using contraception, and then see how you feel?

i was like you and was pregnant, only realised at 10 weeks as i kept telling myself it was sooo unlikely as it had taken 2 years to get pregnant with dd!

and btw, you can be trying to conceive without the ov checking and all that, all that costs money! we operated a lets see what happens policy

errrr my babies were fully breast fed and my periods returned 3rd & 4th time within a few months (so I was producing loads of milk as they weren't weaned and no formula!)so you def can get pregnant whilst b/f so if you def don't want to yet use contraceptives!

Thank you everyone. This has actually been very helpful. You have helped me think and I am now wondering why on earth we aren't using contraception when we are not sure we want another baby right away. I think we will have to be careful until we are sure. I am off to break this news to DH now...