Unplanned pregnancy ended in MMC, now desperate to try again?

[CobaltRose]

Hi everyone.

I'm 21 and underwent an ERPC on Wednesday after discovering my first pregnancy had ended in a missed miscarriage. I was supposed to be 12 weeks but scan showed baby had stopped developing at 6/7 weeks

The pregnancy I lost was conceived despite using contraception, so very much unplanned. However, once my fiancé and I had gotten over the shock, we were happy. We were, and still are, devastated to have lost it.

I didn't quite realise how much I wanted a child until I became pregnant, and now I am no longer pregnant I am utterly desperate to conceive again, even though I'm terrified I'll miscarry again.

Of course I need to discuss this with my fiancé, and we wouldn't start trying until I'd recovered from my ERPC (right now I'm still bleeding and in pain). I know I'm only 21 so have plenty of time to have babies, but I'm desperate

I'm just worried that this desperation is just me being emotional and hormonal as a result of my miscarriage. I'm also scared of being judged if I get pregnant again quite soon. I'm ALSO scared of having another miscarriage. I'm just scared in general

Thanks for listening to my ramblings. This has been a very tough week for me and just writing this stuff down is a great help.

Just wanted to say how sorry I am and to say that I too had a missed miscarriage in June 2015 at about 5 weeks, I then went on to get pregnant in the October, I was petrified that I wouldn't get pregnant again and that if I did that too would end in another miscarriage but I did pregnant again and have a little boy who's coming up to 2. Just want to say take your time to recover physically and emotionally and when you feel ready try again. Sending you a big hug xx

I’m very sorry to hear about your miscarriage

People react very differently to miscarriages in terms of wanting to TTC again.

I had a miscarriage a few years ago (planned baby) and whereas my husband wanted to TTC again straight away it took me another 3 months before I felt I could start the journey again.

A friend of mine miscarried and fell pregnant straight away but she also miscarried that baby. She again got pregnant straight away and lost that baby too.

The advice she was given was to allow her body to recover and for hormones to settle again as ppposed to persistently trying again straight after miscarriage. She was advised to wait 8 weeks after her latest miscarriage before TTC again and so that’s what she did and that time she had a successful pregnancy.

On the flip side though there are plenty of women who get pregnant straight away again and go on to have successful pregnancies.

All you will hear on this post is anecdotal stories so all you can do is take on boards peoples advice and experiences and make your own decision.

FWIW - even though I waited 3 months to try again and it then took me about 9 months to get pregnant again I was still fraught with anxiety of another miscarriage. I think that worry will be there whether you get pregnant again straight away or whether it’s a year down the line.

Good luck with your discussions with your fiancée and I hope you find to an agreement that suits you both.

I'm much older (38) than you but completely appreciate the desperate need to start ttc again.

My partner and I decided to leave things to fate-neither of us had any urgent need to have a baby, but equally we decided if it was something we wanted to give a chance to then time was ticking. It was a tough decision as I have a pretty extreme medical phobia so pregnancy/birth will be a real struggle for me.

So we researched and eventually decided last sept we'd stop trying not to fall pregnant and leave it in fates hands. I came off the pill (which I'd been on for 20 years) and on Feb 18th I got my BFP.

After the initial shock we were both just so full of joy and excitement.

Went for a private scan at what should've been 9 weeks on 17th March to be told baby was only measuring 5 weeks and no heartbeat. I'd had no bleeding or pain-nothing. We were devastated. Appts at EPAU followed-they scanned then made me wait 2.5 weeks for a confirmation scan. I had a little bleeding in that time but the confirmation scan showed bean still safely tucked in his sac.

It's now a month on from that private scan and I still haven't physically miscarried-my little bean stopped growing 8 weeks ago. If nothing moves by weds I'm having medical management.

But the one overriding feeling I have, above the grief, pain, anger, fear, devastation is the desperate need to have a baby. I NEED to be pregnant. I need to feel that joy again. We are both now completely desperate to have a baby, and that is a complete u turn from our "what will be will be" attitude that we began with.

So please don't think you are unusual in feeling that desperate need to get pregnant again. I too am petrified I'll miscarry again, especially at my age, and I'm scared of how that will effect how I'll feel if I do get a BFP in future-but the urge to be a mom is so strong.

Do what's right for both of you. Big hugs X

Sorry to hear about your mc.

I had a similar experience to you and felt desperate to TTC. We didn't, we are five years down the line almost and for us I'm glad we have waited. Our careers are more established, we are married, we got our first home and have since upsized, and I am still only 26 and DH 29. For us it has been right to wait, but it's also been very, very hard and I don't think DH has ever really understood quite what I have felt like.