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Original poster

Broody... is it natural?

24 replies

Hafa9141 · 12/04/2018 10:42

Hi all,
I am 24 and BF is 32 in September and I am desperately broodyBlush
I have been broody since I was about 17 and once I got with BF I knew he was the person I want a life with (soppy I know). We have been together for 3 years (seems a short time but that was living together from nearly day 1)
He is great with kids, they love him and he's very caring and kind. We have bought a house and both have steady jobs (I an unhappy with my salary but its not like we're skint).
The problem I have is that BF is very analytical and I am more impulsive. He tends to over think things, worry and eventually say no or we miss an opportunity for something.
Depending on his mood he can say "yeah I do want a baby now" then he can say "yeah but can we afford a baby, what about our time together, what about this that and the other".
I have told him I am now ready to remove my coil and reassured him that it doesn't mean we're trying because I'd like time for my body to re-adjust, both hormonally and physically.
How do I say to him right this is it we're going for it without forcing him into a situation he's unhappy with? I don't want to trap him with a baby he doesn't want Confused

OP posts:
Bubblegum89 · 12/04/2018 10:59

When trying for a baby, both people have to be 100% committed to it. Not 99%, 100%. Tell him you would like to try properly for a baby and see what his response is. If he is happy to do so then that’s great. If he has reservations then you need to respect them. Men don’t tend to want children in the same way women do, they don’t get the same kind of broodiness.

Also him saying yes just to please you isn’t an option either, the thought of a baby is entirely different to the reality of one. It sounds to me like he does want a baby but just not right now. Unfortunately if that’s the case, you will either have to wait until he is completely ready or consider moving on to find someone who wants the same things you do

ShortandStout1 · 12/04/2018 12:16

Maybe you need to sit with him and talk it out because you need to know his feelings there might be underlying reason he keeps changing his mind plus clearly he's giving mixed messages so you need a clear answer on whether he is ready or not. Also me my DH talked about concidering trying for at least 8 months before we started to try and that was with us both being very broody.

Original poster
Hafa9141 · 12/04/2018 12:30

I asked him this morning and he said yes I am ready of course I am in a serious conversation. I think he likes to wind me up when he says maybe, maybe not.
My other question is, is it part of a woman's nature to feel broody at this age? I was thinking it must be because women are at their fittest and most fertile in their younger years but some people say "oh you're too young for kids"

OP posts:
Colonelpopcorn · 12/04/2018 12:34

You’re broody when your broody.
I’m 30 and 33 weeks pregnant and barely felt broody. Me and dh just decided we wanted children and went for it. I did become slightly more broody after I miscarried the first.
It just felt like the right time for us as a couple to have children.

SoyDora · 12/04/2018 12:37

I think everyone is different. I definitely wasn’t broody at 24 as I’d just got started with my career and travelled a lot (work and pleasure) so was focussed on that. Some people feel ready for children earlier. There’s no ‘normal’ I don’t think.

Bojangles33 · 12/04/2018 12:55

I think it's entirely possible to be completely committed to the idea of having a baby and still totally terrified by it though! I don't think him expressing concerns about money and your relationship changing etc means he doesn't want the baby, just that it's scary!
It's good he's communicating about it.

Original poster
Hafa9141 · 12/04/2018 13:18

@Bojangles33 He is very laid back so its like getting blood out if a stone to have a serious answer from him but I can tell when he's being genuine.
I think that's right we are both terrified, just probably me more so as he is so good with money he thinks it will all disappear and we will have no savings etc.

OP posts:
mummabearfoyrbabybears · 12/04/2018 13:24

I have four children and I'm mid 40s and STILL broody! It won't ever go away I don't think but it's tough really as I'm too old now. I wish you all the best for your future OP Smile

Original poster
Hafa9141 · 12/04/2018 13:28

@mummabearfoyrbabybears thank you very much I am very excited.
BF keeps laughing at me when I watch one born every minute and I go all gooey when I see the babies and in shops when there's a baby.
Isn't it strange that when you're broody you see babies everywhere!?
I said to him I would like 3 as I feel that's a good number for me but he said 1 and we'll see how that goes 😂

OP posts:
KirstenRaymonde · 12/04/2018 13:35

Please discuss getting married first. Unmarried mothers are generally very vulnerable in the unfortunate event that the relationship ends, especially if their partner earns more. Solidify your relationship fully before you bring another life into it.

Emmafh3 · 12/04/2018 14:12

I'm 20 something. 25 I think? I lost count... but I've been broody since I can remember, probably since I was 14 which is crazy young and I hope my daughter doesn't follow suit.
But yes, totally normal I think.
I like you, have been with my SO for a relatively short time (about 3 years this Sept) and we moved in together 4 days after our first date, started trying for a baby two months after that.

He didn't want another baby at all(his 4 are all grown up now) but he thought (because of our age differences) it wouldn't be fair on me to deny me of it if that's what I really wanted. Now he couldn't imagine life without our DD (she's def the favourite child)
I think it's normal to be unsure at first, particularly on the male side, but if he's willing and you're 100% then why not?

Quality time with your SO wise, sure it's going to change and it's going to be one hell of a shock to the system, but you have at least 9 months to get to term with it, and you make the new time and the new experiences together. It's different but it's not bad by any means.

Financially - when is a good time to ever have a baby? again, you make the most of what you have and make do with what you don't. If you want savings, even without a baby, aren't you always trying to make the pot bigger and never happy with it?
I find my DD has barely used any money.... everything I have for her is 2nd hand (but brilliant quality) because I'll be damned if I'll spend an extortionate amount on a dress she'll grow out of in 2 months time...

Emmafh3 · 12/04/2018 14:15

marriage doesn't solidify anything. married couple can still separate. If you're committed to each other and have no plans to go anywhere relationship wise, then screw the piece of paper that tells the government what you already know :)

Original poster
Hafa9141 · 12/04/2018 14:19

@KirstenRaymonde I do want to get married, but not for security reasons. Seeing as BIL is going through a hellish divorce at the moment, I don't think the old rules of "it will protect you more are a big thing now"
As said I would like to get married but I'd like to save up for a long time and have the day I want rather than skint myself and just manage an OK day.
@Emmafh3 I agree it will all be different but I don't think in a bad way. BF keeps going "what about lie ins and days on the couch watching films etc" and I'm like we can still do all of those things there will just be a little person joining in. I think life with a baby is as hard as you make it, best friends have 3 kids and are always very relaxed and casual, other friends have 2 and are frantic and never get a moments peace or time to sit down.

OP posts:
KirstenRaymonde · 12/04/2018 14:20

@Emmafh3 go have a look at the relationship board for all the threads of women who thought the same, and ended up completely shafted when their relationship ended completely unexpectedly. That ‘piece of paper’ is a legal contract that protects you, especially as women are more likely to give up or reduce work when they have children. If you’re just cohabiting and split you have zero legal recourse.

SoyDora · 12/04/2018 14:21

I think life with a baby is as hard as you make it, best friends have 3 kids and are always very relaxed and casual, other friends have 2 and are frantic and never get a moments peace or time to sit down

It also depends very much on the temperament of the child. And whether they sleep or not.

KirstenRaymonde · 12/04/2018 14:21

A wedding can be expensive, marriage costs about £50 for the registrar, don’t confuse the two.

Poppyfields21 · 12/04/2018 14:21

It isn’t just a piece of paper though, it protects your rights and gives you entitlements if the relationship breaks down. From a social perspective I couldn’t give two hoots about people marrying or not before kids, but I’d fear for my daughters if they had kids, took themselves out of the workplace and then split up without having been married as they are not entitled to anything.

KirstenRaymonde · 12/04/2018 14:22

Though I understand wanting the day, but if you have a baby and the split you really are much more vulnerable than if you’re married. More women need to realise this.

KirstenRaymonde · 12/04/2018 14:23

Or even ignoring splitting, if your partner dies and you’re not married it’s also much more difficult, even a will isn’t as good as a marriage certificate.

Emmafh3 · 12/04/2018 14:31

Ah the joys of the marriage debate
agree to disagree on some things - all depends on personal situations I guess

but yes, babies are about as hard work as they want to be. My DD is a breeze most of the time, but lord knows she can test it some days.
But even if you can't lie in, watch films or just laze on the couch for the first 5 years, at least you can when they are 18 and move out right? ;)
It also depends on how much help you have if you're going to be a stay at home mum or not :) routines are key and you just take one day at a time.
But good luck with the whole ttc thing, hopefully your BF loves your babe immensely by the end of it all :)

Original poster
Hafa9141 · 12/04/2018 20:53

This wasn't a question about marriage it was about being broody. I completely trust my BF and know that he would never hurt me or do anything nasty.
As said I do want a wedding day, but I want to save and have a lovely day, not get married just for security. So we will be doing it in the future when we want to.
Made the decision to have my coil removed next month and take it from there Grin

OP posts:
MonicaGellerHyphenBing · 12/04/2018 22:02

I agree it will all be different but I don't think in a bad way. BF keeps going "what about lie ins and days on the couch watching films etc" and I'm like we can still do all of those things there will just be a little person joining in. I think life with a baby is as hard as you make it, best friends have 3 kids and are always very relaxed and casual, other friends have 2 and are frantic and never get a moments peace or time to sit down

This made me laugh. Sorry OP but I think you might get a hell of a shock when you realise what having a baby is actually like! Lie-ins and relaxing movie days, what are they again?! 🙈

They are of course worth it (mostly). Good luck ttc.

SoyDora · 12/04/2018 22:10

The lie in thing did make me laugh a bit. DD2 got up at 5am for the first 2 years of our life, no matter what we did and however relaxed we were.

Original poster
Hafa9141 · 13/04/2018 09:14

@MonicaGellerHyphenBing & @SoyDora I know I am being optimistic haha! My mums side of the family have always had babies who I have looked after for a few days at a time and I understand it will be a big shock, not a bad one but still completely different.

I am only saying positive things to BF so as not to scare him 😂 as he isn't massively involved with his family so hasn't had a lot of baby time.
Here he is getting my baby cousin to sleep 😍

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