Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Flip

Original poster

DH pulls out

16 replies

NameChange29 · 09/04/2018 11:42

Changed name as I feel stupid.

Since late last year me and DH have talked about TTC, and had decided to be less careful and see what happens. Neither of us wanted to begin the whole process by making it a military operation. We will save that for later, and just enjoy the first few months.

That said, he seems to pick and choose when he pulls out - some cycles he doesn't at all and that's all great. Then other times, like this cycle, we've BD once last week, not in FW and once this week in FW and he's pulled it both times.

Last month we BD 2days before Ov and he didn't pull out. He doesn't know when FW is or O, as I don't want to overload him and make him feel like it's 'planned' - he'd rather have a 'happy accident' in his head, so that's what I'm letting him think.

We're strong financially, been married a year and together for 10. He's 38, I'm 29.

AUBU to be a bit miffed about him pulling out sometimes and not others?

I will talk to him about it but after this FW as I don't want him to think that I'm nagging, or putting pressure on him and thereby waste the next week and put things back yet another month.

If I talk to much about TTC he thinks all I'm bothered about is having a baby, and whilst it would be nice, I'm more bothered that he's all over the place. I know it can take years, and I've told him all of the 'statistics' and what happens to female fertility between 30-40, and the monthly percentage change of getting-pregnant, though I've just drip fed this into random conversations.

In short, I'm terrified that he actually doesn't want kids anymore - he always used to want two, I was always more certain about one and see how it goes - so it's not like we've not had this conversation in the last 10 years, which is why this is all a bit weird.

What do you think?

OP posts:

Dvg · 09/04/2018 11:45

I would definitely say yes talk to him but it does seem a bit weird seem as men seem to prefer doing it inside and if your TTC then even more reason to do so :S

If he says your nagging then don't listen to him, of course its going to bother you that you could potentially be getting pregnant with a man who doesn't want you to and better to find out now than when you have a baby on the way and he starts having toddler tantrums.

Piglatin · 09/04/2018 11:46

I find it weird you haven't just asked straight away when it happens.

Husband pulls out

You - "why are you pulling out?"

Doesn't have to be nagging, just a simple question, especially as you've been together ten years!

Original poster

NameChange29 · 09/04/2018 11:55

Last time he did it I asked and he says it's just 20 years of habit, and then the next time we BD he did as he was supposed to!

I just don't want to put the pressure on so early and make him think that the only reason I want to BD is to make a baby - at this early stage it would be a shame to make him feel so.

OP posts:

itallhappensforareason · 09/04/2018 11:58

If he had changed his mind and didn't want kids anymore then he'd probably want to opt for a 'safer' method over just pulling out!

Piglatin · 09/04/2018 11:59

Ah ok, well I guess you need to just be clear,honestly don't worry about coming across as a nag. You should have very transparent lines of communication without fear of offending or how you'll come across - this is a big decision and should both be on board with it :)

Luckingfovely · 09/04/2018 11:59

BD? British Dressage?

Honestly, it's a ridiculous question to ask on a forum: you just have to talk to him. How the hell would anybody else know what he's thinking?

And if he doesn't want kids any more, then better you find out quickly so you can decide what to do with your future.

He's your husband. Have the conversation.

Original poster

NameChange29 · 09/04/2018 12:01

@itallhappensforareason yeah I'd have thought so, and I would have hoped he would have communicated that to me too!

Maybe he's just scared, I don't know. I'll talk to him again later in the week if it continues. I just don't want him to shut down and turn the tap off completely in FW just in case.

He finds it quite difficult to talk about things sometimes, just the way he is and I have to be patient in that regard, he opens up eventually but shuts down if he feels pressured or cornered.

OP posts:

BossWitch · 09/04/2018 12:04

Go on top. He can't pull out if you're sitting on him.

But yes, have the conversation. If you think it's stupidity rather than his way of trying to avoid having a baby, talk to him about how, if you don't get pregnant, you will both end up in the gp's surgery explaining your TTC process and he'll have to explain to a doctor how he thought he could get his partner pregnant by ejaculating on the outside off get body. Maybe the prospect of that embarrassment will make him 'remember' to actually jizz inside you.

Original poster

NameChange29 · 09/04/2018 12:05

@Luckingfovely as i said in my OP I will talk to him, just needed an outlet in the meantime to clarify things in my head. Nobody IRL knows we're TTC yet.

But thanks for your helpful reply.

OP posts:

Original poster

NameChange29 · 09/04/2018 12:05

@BossWitch 😂 brilliant! Made me laugh. Thanks, and will try this I think 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

OP posts:

Stephisaur · 09/04/2018 12:06

I would definitely talk to him during the act. If you don’t want to pressure him, you could encourage pulling out when you aren’t in FW but then tell him how sexy you’d find it if he came inside you when you are in your FW. He likely won’t notice a pattern but if you’re worried, then suggest he comes inside you at other random points during the month :)

Luckingfovely · 09/04/2018 12:07

Also - one very important thing to think about. Having a baby with someone who isn't ready for one, or who isn't emotionally mature enough for one, or doesn't really want one, is really quite likely to end badly later on.

If you can't even have an open and honest conversation with him about this, I would be very wary of going further down this route at the moment, no matter how much you want a baby.

rextrex · 09/04/2018 12:13

Well you said in your op that you're just not being too rigid and seeing what happens, and that's what he's doing, it's a life long habit that he has to break and I'm sure he does want a baby it's just getting used to coming inside probably. It's also a huge decision and he's probably just getting his head round it. Don't worry, just enjoy yourself and if you want to throw yourselves into trying to conceive properly then tell him. Good luck!

itallhappensforareason · 09/04/2018 12:14

I like BossWitch's suggestion 😂

Original poster

NameChange29 · 09/04/2018 12:23

@rextrex thanks, this makes me feel better. It's hard for me as I know my cycles and when is 'important' and I'm putting that pressure on myself and don't want him to feel that pressure. I appreciate your logical advice, thanks it's what I needed

OP posts:

rextrex · 09/04/2018 12:37

Exactly, he has no idea when it's important or not so I doubt he's doing it on purpose! Have fun!

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread