Just not having enough sex?!

[Mrsjones17]

Onto cycle 16 I think now. No sniff of bfp. We started fertility testing. Bloods and ultrasound for me (all come back fine) and SA for DH (still waiting on results). Just looking through logged data and basically I just don’t think we’re having enough sex. I really feel for my DH as he thinks it’s just better to go in the fertile week but what about the other times? I don’t want to pressure him into anything and I’m concious that ttc for a long time can really start to impact on your relationship. It’s seems since waiting for SA result he’s wanted to do it less frequently. Even though he won’t admit it I think he’s naturally worried. It’s hard to make sure it’s still spontaneous whilst not putting pressure on. The doctor said to try to have sex twice a week but that has happened as he just doesn’t seem in the mood. To add to complications he also works nights ever other week where we basically don’t see each other all week due to shift patterns. We’re averaging about 3 times during the fertile week which I just don’t think is enough. Just feel like it’s all getting a bit much (but not enough at the same time!) not really sure what I want from this post apart from the vent?!

Every other day in the fertile week is fine. Doing it every day just means the sperm quality gets less. Are you sure when your ovulation is? Some people have an early or late ovulation. Basically you want to have some live sperm inside you before your ovulation so it's there when the egg is released.

I would personally do it every day, a couple of times if possible, just so you're ensuring you're not missing your peak. Bare minimum would be every other day.

Sorry to hear of your long journey.

If it helps at all, the one time I got a bfp (ended in mc) we had sex on the Monday and Saturday and I ov'd somewhere between Wednesday and Sunday. So 3x during the fw sounds like enough, as long as you're confident about when you might ov.

I can't offer any real practical advice, sorry, but solidarity in how horrible it is ttc!

We always went for every other day and it worked ok.

When are you counting your fertile week as? Does it need a tweak? I think I ovulated around day fourteen but we’d count the fertile week from day 10, thinking that sperm last up to five days.
I think. It was a little while ago so I hope I’m remembering right.

The month I got my BFP we only had sex twice in my fertile week. Sadly ended in MC but just shows that it doesn’t need to be every day or multiple times a day!

My OH works nights and I have a 9 year old daughter so we have to try and fit sex between the time she goes to bed (and is fast asleep) and the time he goes to work.

We have sex at the weekends just for fun. But we don’t have sex every other day all through my cycle because it’s just not possible. We focus on fertile week because what use is having constant sex before or after then other than just having a nice time? I do my opks/check cm and when I’m nearing a positive or my cm is fertile, we just go for it. I personally think every other day during FW is more than enough, sperm lives a while up there so if you miss a day, it’s no big deal. This FW we had sex 3 days in a row but that’s it and that was only because it fell over a full weekend. I think there’s such a thing as too much sex tbh, it gets tiring and so there’s a reluctance to do it and I think it adds unnecessary pressure.

In terms of getting you partner to feel a little better about it, you could do what I do. I only do this for FW but it would work whenever. Get a calendar and put stars on the days you want/need to have sex. That way you don’t have to pester him, he can see them and make the first moves. I hated having to keep reminding my OH but now it feels more spontaneous (even though it isn’t really)

I use opks and check cm to know when fertile week is. This month I’ve started temping too. Just sometimes feels like it all gets a bit much. When we first started he couldn’t get enough and now I feel like I have to pester for it and that’s awful which then feeds anxiety about him not wanting me etc. Just a bit shit really

There is no way we can for every other day throughout the month not only logistically but emotionally and physically. I love him but Jesus when we tried that once we were almost put off sex full stop. It’s important for us both that it’s still enjoyable.

When DH is on nights he leaves for work at 4pm and get home from work at 7pm. He then gets in at 6am and I leave for work at 5.45am!! Agh at least 3 months the bloody window has fallen on a nights week. It’s a nightmare

Hi @Mrsjones17 - no advice just sympathy here. We really struggle too. OH doesn't have a high libido and if I initiate he's even less interested. He's a morning person but leaves for work really early and doesn't have time then (no such thing as a quickie in our house), and he's too tired in the evening/not interested. It's frustrating. I'm thinking I might try and book some holidays to coincide with my ovulation days just to have a chance at it!