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Original poster

DH wouldnt tell anyone but i would want to tell my mum

26 replies

Ididnothearthat · 27/03/2018 18:33

We are trying to concieve and had a conversation about once we know we are pregnant. I would want to tell my mum as we are very close and if anything went wrong i would be talking to her. He says its bad juju to tell anyone until 12 weeks and i should respect that as he believes that. I dont believe that and think he should compromise between me allowing to tell my mum. My logic being she would know if something happened anyway. Its not like i am not wanting to put it on social media etc. What are you all thinking?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 27/03/2018 18:34

He's talking rubbish. There is no such thing as 'bad juju', whatever that might be. It's just better not to tell the world, because if worst comes to worst, you'll be talking about it to randomers for months.

LoveB · 27/03/2018 18:37

Yes i told my mum and dad and siblings - I then had a miscarriage and I'm glad they knew everything and were able to support me.

I understand not telling everyone, because if things do go wrong, you don't want everyone knowing your business at the time (I do think miscarriage should be talked about more though). But I told my nearest and dearest.

Lifeaback · 27/03/2018 18:37

He's being unreasonable- I understand not wanting to tell anyone in case of something happening, but in the worst case scenario of something bad happening before 12 weeks I'm sure you'd want to tell your mum so she could be there for you if you're close. Telling your mum and no one else seems a reasonable compromise for the both of you

peachesarenom · 27/03/2018 19:02

Same as LoveB . I really valued my family's love and support when the worst happened.

Haybow · 27/03/2018 19:15

Dh didn't want to tell anyone early on so I told my mum and he waited until we had a viability scan before we told his parents.

Makingworkwork · 27/03/2018 19:18

I did not tell anyone with my first pregnancy which then ended in a miscarriage. I wish I had told people that I was pregnant as I found it much harder to tell people about the miscarriage.

IAmWonkoTheSane · 27/03/2018 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 27/03/2018 20:02

Meh. Your body, your rules. That's my philosophy with being pregnant.

NameChange30 · 27/03/2018 20:06

He’s being very unfair. Unless your mum can’t keep a secret and will blab to the world, there will be no harm and a lot of benefit in telling her. Being pregnant is a big deal, it’s exciting but it can sometimes be a bit of an anxious time, especially in the beginning, and some people have morning sickness and/or other symptoms that make it quite hard - so you will probably want and need your mum’s support. It wouldn’t be fair of him to deprive you of it.

BadPolicy · 27/03/2018 20:14

What you are suggesting isn't a compromise, it's you getting your own way.

NameChange30 · 27/03/2018 20:17

@Bad
Maybe it’s a compromise because the OP would prefer to tell other people sooner, and not just her Mum?

Rundemlegs · 27/03/2018 20:20

I was in the don't tell anyone camp, but I also wouldn't tell them if anything happened either, I'm very private like that.

Spoonguard · 27/03/2018 20:22

Told no one as we wanted our little secret as long as possible and i didnt want people going on about the pregnancy or I'd probably freak out or something as the penny dropped. It allowed it to sink in with me.

OlennasWimple · 27/03/2018 20:23

I only told people that I would have told in the event of something going wrong.

If you are that close to your mum, she may well guess in any case

Aw12345 · 27/03/2018 20:26

You never know how pregnancy is going to go- we were planning to wait until 12 weeks but then I was admitted to hospital with hyperemesis whilst family were staying over and we had to tell them because they kept asking what was wrong!

Also it's best to tell your employer asap (Even if they keep it secret) because then they're forced to offer you extra health and safety protection etc :-)

Good luck with it all- whenever you decide to announce it!!

BarryTheKestrel · 27/03/2018 20:28

We've told our mums and our closest friends. These are the people we trust to keep quiet and who we would want to know if anything went wrong.

inamechangedforthispost · 27/03/2018 20:30

My husband didn't want anyone to know either (although we did tell parents). He went on a stag so when I was seven weeks and told everyone! Sonny advice is invite your Mum round and get him drunk!!

inamechangedforthispost · 27/03/2018 20:30

so my

Forevertired19 · 27/03/2018 20:31

Tell your mom! She's your rock too and she will understand more about pregnancy than your dh.
With my first pregnancy I told my mom and told her I wanted no one else but dp and her to know incase anything happened. She helped me so so much with symptoms. What worked for her, I bled with dd and she was my rock through that along with dp but I think a woman who's been through it herself knows more of what she's talking about and it can be very comforting and helpful

mehhh · 27/03/2018 20:34

I miscarried in 2016, I was 10 weeks pregnant, as it wasn't planned I told my immediate family (mine and dps - all siblings and parents), as we were excited and thought surely the 12 week rule doesn't matter in regards to family, the fact everyone knew when I miscarried made the whole situation a lot easier to deal with and I had a lot more support... I fell pregnant a month later and told my family (not dps this time as they're a bigger family) but my family knowing was a great support my mum helped me when I was tired etc so I would tell them personally! I'm really glad I did!

negomi90 · 27/03/2018 20:36

Tell your mum now you're thinking about having a baby. Once pregnant visit (or get her to visit), then pointedly don't drink. It will take her 30seconds to guess.
She'll know, you won't have told her, you're DHs ideas about juju will be safe.

RowenaDedalus · 27/03/2018 20:37

My DH thought a bit like this too. But when I actually did get pregnant (I'm only just 13 weeks now) he could see that I needed to tell my mum for her support. Also he hadn't anticipated how many people would guess!

stellarfox · 27/03/2018 20:39

You should definitely tell her if that's what you want to do. If things don't go well for whatever reason you will want her support

Original poster
Ididnothearthat · 27/03/2018 21:39

Its all a bit premature for us anyway but was curious as to others thoughts! Thank you.

And yes compromise is telling my mum, i dont believe in the 'bad juju' and would tell my closest friends too.

OP posts:
Zeelove · 27/03/2018 21:40

Ttc is a private thing, surely? If I was going through a miscarriage my family would support me the same either way. It's not bad luck to tell them, just a little weird.

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