DH can't "perform" during fertile week

[ParkayFloor]

Just that really. We are both desperate for a baby, I've had a miscarriage and we are trying again and every time it's fertile week he can't perform. He always wants to know when it is and so I tell him then he can't get an erection. I'm so frustrated I could cry. He's talking about getting viagra. What can we do?

Can you stop tracking and just have sex every other day throughout the month?

Are you sure he wants one? Maybe he is still struggling after the miscarriage? Perhaps some therapy could help. Or you could agree with him not to discuss fertile week?

Would you consider inserting it yourself?

I think it can put a lot of stress and pressure on men - my advice would be to shelve the tracking, take the pressure off and enjoy the sex for a while.

Sorry for your loss as well - I know we both felt quite bleak for a few months after we went through this.

He definitely wants one he's putting so much pressure on himself.

My conception story is a long and complex one.

But the bit that is relevant to you is this...

After a couple of years trying my gynaecologist told us to have sex every other day I wasn't bleeding. It was intense! He said it was practically impossible to do this for more than 1 month and gave me a stack of syringes!

We used to have sex when we wanted to have sex and if it wasn't going to happen we would do an at home IUI session. He would disappear off the the bathroom, and I would use preseed lubricant. He would return with his contribution and I would syringe it in. It seems a bit clinical at first and odd. But to be honest it saved us. We had been putting so much stress on sex and intimacy because it was tangled up with trying to make a baby. This way we had sex because we wanted to, and the days we didn't want to there wasn't any resentment or fearing of missing out.

My DH found it odd at first, like he was 'failing' but after a few days and a few sessions of our old sex life returning, he was happy with it!

My dd1 is definitely a syringe baby btw. I had a stinking cold and we didn't have any sex at all for 2 weeks, so fertile window was a complete syringe month!

I’m 15 months in of ttc and I definitely think pressure gets to both you and partners. Currently under going fertility testing but until then doctor has recommended twice a week throughout the cycle. No tracking no opk not running cm between finger trying to decided if it’s egg white enough. Just enjoyable sex and bloody hell its nice just to have sex with my husband again!!

Perhaps lay off the tracking for a while

That's a good idea about the syringing not sure if he would go for it but I'm going to ask. Is it as effective as sex?

I've tried to stop tracking but he knows my dates and knows it's every four weeks!

I'm not denying it's a mental leap and a world away from the movie idyllic - we made a baby, warm cuddles etc. And medically speaking it is not quite is effective as good quality sex, especially if you both orgasm together. However, it is much more effective than no sex, or poor sex or the mental stress of worrying about either of those.

One of both of my dds are syringe babies. One definitely is, the other is a maybe.

I have my children, my marriage and a surviving sex life and I believe that is at least in part to relieving the stress from our baby making journey.

Sorry, meant to tag you @ParkayFloor

Tell him a little fib that ovulation date is a few days later than it actually is, it will take the pressure off him.

Just lie and say its not till Wednesday or something?

We’ve started syringing for exactly this reason. It takes the pressure off DH and has really helped protect our sex life.

I'm glad it's helping @ToothTrauma

I have told a few friends who have been struggling with conception about this and they seemed surprised, but also relieved.

2 of those couples have gone on to try syringing at least a couple of times themselves. Both have children now too. Not saying it's linked! Just wanted to share the happy stories.