Husband's low sex drive

[Upsetandmaybeunreasonable]

I feel terrible.

I'm due to today, my husband has gone to work and I'm going away this afternoon until Monday.

We decided in November/December to start trying for a baby.

We do have a lot going on in our lives at the moment, but I'm getting really frustrated, as my husband just isn't very interested in sex. This isn't an issue that's only come about since we decided to start trying, it's been ongoing and I have no concerns about other women etc, it mainly comes from a lack of confidence which is something I've been trying really hard with him to work on.

When we decided to start trying I told him that if we're serious it does mean that he'll need to be up for it more often if we're to have a chance and he agreed and said he absolutely would be.

Here we are, the 4th/5th month of "trying" (at least one of those months we didn't have sex at all) and we only had sex once, on Wednesday night.

This morning, so our last chance this month, I told him I knew he'd let me down. I feel terrible for saying it and I know I've only made things worse but I'm just so so frustrated. We both really want a baby, he's been pushing for it for a while before I was ready (Im definitely on board now he hasn't pushed me in to it). I'm just struggling to get my head around why he wouldn't make the effort for something he wants so much.

I feel like I've got the normal hurt of feeling like he doesn't want me, coupled with this helpless, crippling sadness that it's likely another month will pass by without getting pregnant. I know there is a chance so will hold out hope.

I've reasoned with him, had really good conversations about it where it feels like we're getting somewhere, cried, shouted and now i know I've hurt him but I just don't know what to do. I feel like he'd benefit from me backing off and just not talking about it so there's no pressure but I'm genuinely afraid that if i do that, we just would never have sex again.

Has anyone else been in a similar position and can offer any advice? I'm so low about it.

We had similar issues and infertility problems. It turned out DH actually had a heath problem that caused low libido and low sperm count. Once this was addressed, things improved. It put a huge strain on our marriage though. I got wound up when he wouldn’t have sex or couldn’t finish..obviously this made it even worse. We had to be inventive. We had a pact that we would both try to initiate, we would have a sort of ‘get naked with no expectations rule’, create opportunities to have sex but no blame if it didn’t happen. We found giving massages really helped - it was both relaxing and sensual and often lead to sex. We tried temping/OPKs but it definitely created more stress. It’s worth suggesting he sees the GP if he’s willing?

I'm getting really frustrated, as my husband just isn't very interested in sex. This isn't an issue that's only come about since we decided to start trying, it's been ongoing

im struggling to get my head around why he wouldn’t make the effort

he outright refused counselling

i feel like he isn’t trying

All your words OP.

Listen to yourself.

That’s what I based my post on, YOUR words... if you don’t like what I’m saying, why did you post at all?

I didn’t make anything up about your situation, I based my advice on everything YOU said was going on.

Be in denial and make me out to be extreme, (and roll eyes and have a laugh) but I’m just reflecting back what you said about your situation and feelings. All of which are valid btw.
I’ve worked as a counselor.

Good luck with it.

Letsgobitches if ur really a counselor i feel bad for ur patients! Dishing out advice like that what a nasty piece of work

@letsgobitches ..... fuck off

@letsgobitches I'll quote you back:

But to be honest with you, I think your marriage is doomed, there’s no balance there, it’s all about his way, not yours, with no dialogue, and I’d advise you to look elsewhere for a man who loves you and wants what you want!

And refer you to my previous post.

In general, there is lots of balance.
We actually do talk about it and I appreciate it's a touchier subject than most and on this particular matter he isn't very comfortable talking.

It's isn't all about his way, not mine. I thought I explained myself well than in general it's the total opposite.

He does love me, he does want what I want.

So yes, will you kindly fuck off. You're behaving like a bitter old crank. Sorry if you've lived an unhappy life and feel unfulfilled, but you did fill in the gaps in my story with worst case scenario, I assume due to your own experiences. Sorry about those.

Just report letsgobitches everybody

If you turn somthing that is supposed to be enjoyable into trying for a baby then it becomes a chore.
Drop the term trying, and stop the stressing on him and start relaxing.

The quotes I’ve included above are from the OP, if you want to report her go ahead, but it doesn’t make any sense to report someone who has a different opinion to you, just because they’re different and have a different view, now does it?
In fact it breaches the sites rules.

I’ve been respectful about my opinions, and have based them on the OPs posts. I’ve not called anyone names, or attacked their professional abilities.

My opinion is just that, and is based on my experience, and the experience of my friends, and from my long career, and here, is based entirely on what the OP told us.

Personally I feel that if you think my posts are an ad hominem attack on the OP go ahead and report, but they aren’t. My opinions are based on what the OP has herself said about her DH... they’re based on the OP’s direct posts.

Perhaps it’s time to reread the site’s guidelines everyone?
Ganging up on a poster, calling her names, telling her to fuck off and whipping up hate @thisisouryrfx18 and @Emma198 is breaching this sites guidelines, and makes you look bad.

Having said that, I wish you the very best of luck with the counselling OP.
My counselling style is to challenge- I don’t believe in sitting sobbing on a sofa in a therapist’s office warbling on and on about the same old, same old, week after week, so I push my clients hard and fast to find their own solutions.

I’m glad I helped you define your core values in your relationship.
I hope you find a speedy resolution to your problem.

This, what was it now OP, oh yes, “bitter old crank” is indeed, er, “fucking off” and leaving you all to it.

Peace and love!

🙄🙄 Seeya!

Bye! Ur name says it all really

Looks like once was enough this month ladies.... got my BFP today thank you all for your kind words xx

@Upsetandmaybeunreasonable yay - fab news :) just seem this post and pleased to see a happy outcome!

@upset congrats thats soo nice!x👶💜 ur giving us all hope lol