Feel sad and scared. (MMC + permanently altered cycles?)

[ItsNotJustMe]

Hi all,

Just looking for a little support and advice. I'm feeling pretty sad and lonely at the moment and was wondering if anyone could share their experience.

I had a termination a couple of years ago (BC failure, wrong time, awful decision, regretted it ever since despite it being the right thing for me at that point.)

Prior to the termination, I had regular 28 day cycles. After the termination this fell immediately to 26 days. I found this rather worrying for my future fertility but nonetheless DP and I conceived in September and were thrilled. Sadly this ended at 11 weeks with MMC and I had to have an ERPC as my body just wouldn't let go.

After the ERPC I had a 28 day cycle, 32 days and now I think I've just got my period at CD25. I was actually just doing a FRER when I wiped and noticed brown. Sigh.

I'm just feeling really disheartened and also very scared that 25 days will be my new 'normal.' Have the (medical) termination and the ERPC damaged my fertility? I'm not actively trying at the moment but we're not using contraception and I'm aware of EWCM and ovulation pains.

If I'm absolutely honest I've taken horrible care of myself this month - drank too much (insomniac and massive anxiety attacks at night which have been happening since the MMC.. I know I need to find a better coping mechanism) and eaten crap. I'm not working at the moment so feel miserable and lonely.

Just looking for a bit of help I guess :(

I don't think it's a fertility concern that your cycle has been varying between 25 and 32 days, it just means your ovulation date isn't as predictable as it might be. 28 days Is just am average, a 26 day cycle is perfectly normal.
It's also normal for it to take a few months for your periods to settle after a miscarriage. This also isn't a sign of any fertility issues.
Please try not to worry!

Thank you for replying. Hope this isn't a drip feed but I guess my fertility worries also stem from the fact that I had severe anorexia as a teenager (spent a long time in hospital and only really recovered in my early 20s) and so didn't have periods for years. They returned when I was 21/22 and had been regular ever since. When I got pregnant a couple of years ago and had the termination I was stunned as had been told at 17 there was a good chance I'd be infertile.

I'm 27 now and the lovely consultant who spoke to DP and I following the MMC said there's no reason why we shouldn't conceive again when we're ready.

I think I'm also just feeling a bit of the emotional impact now. I was fine until DP's cousin announced her pregnancy over Christmas - had exactly the same EDD as I 'had' before I miscarried. Getting a lot of baby updates through the inlaws and it's painful.

I guess I need to pick myself up and get back on top of DP the horse.

Ironically I spent ages squinting at that FRER (before I wiped, amazing how long one can spend sitting on a loo staring at a stick!) and was convinced I could see a 'hint' of something.. Probably just the indent, I realise now.

Blergh!

Sorry you've had such a tough time. Not at all to get your hopes up, but is it definitely your period? It could be implantation bleeding at that point.

Hey there
Please don't try to worry
As @HotCrossBunFight said it can take a while for your cycles to get back to 'normal' after a MC.
I have just had my second MMC, first one was in December so not long ago. We conceived immediately after the ERPC (ovulated 5 weeks after)
Unfortunately that one didn't work out for us either
But I have a very close friend who conceived immediately after a MC and is now 28weeks in to her pregnancy - so it is possible!
Just take as much time as you need to heal
It really is awful but it wasn't meant to be
Sending you hugs and strength!

Thank you guys. It means a lot that you'd take the time to reply.

@usernotfound Sadly I'm 99.999% sure it's not implantation. Even though there's still only blood when I wipe (and sort of wipe 'inside' - tmi) there are now teeny tiny specs of clotting which I know doesn't happen with implantation.

Sorry to hear about your MMCs @zarala - it's shite isn't it? Feel like I'll never forget the look on DP's face when he saw that scan and said 'that's not right is it?'

Hi @ItsNotJustMe sorry for you miscarriage. I had a miscarriage in September and my periods have been a mess, the first three was normal, completely missed the fourth, fifth was normal and my sixth one was four days early. My doctor said it's normal for them to be messed up six months afterwards. Before mc I had 28 day cycles, the one I've just had was 25 days (ovulating just 7 days before) I can't offer any advice but just wanted you to know you're not alone

I think I had messed up cycles following a mmc and ERPC. They were similar length, but I just wasn’t getting pregnant (both previous times I’d conceived fist try). I took Agnus Castus and Evening Primrose Oil from cd1 - ovulation, that cycle was completely different to the others and that was the one that I conceived. No idea if it was co-incidence, but I’d recommend trying it - worth a shot!

@Doublechocolatetiffin
Hi! I'm intrigued about these pills!
Do you only take them from ovulation or can you start any time in cycle?
Thanks!

If things don’t settle down in a few months and you can afford it, it might be worth looking into some tests of ovarian reserve (AMH/FSH, AFC).

My cycle reduced (in hindsight) quite markedly when I was 32, from 31-32 days to 27ish. I learned later that it is quite common for this to happen around 20 years after menarche. If by being told at 17 they meant they thought the anorexia had affected your ovarian ageing - and it’ a big if, although certainly there are some things that can), that might have brought this date forward a bit.

Don’t despair, though . It’s just a possibility. And even if my suggestion is right, it doesn’t mean the end, just that you need to be mindful of time. I conceived DD naturally over 8 years after my cycle shifted—you at least have the advantage of a head start.

Hi OP

I'm sorry for the hard time you're going through.
I just wanted to give you a glimmer of hope... my sister suffered from anorexia and bulimia in her late teens/early 20s and still struggles now. She was told the same as you after being hospitalised; that she may have become infertile.
My niece is now 7 years old. 😊 keep going, eating disorders are horrific but they don't have to stop you having a family. Big hugs x

@zarala I just took them for the first bit of my cycle, pre ovulation. Just in case you do get pregnant and it’s not good for the baby.