Fed up

[starlightmagic]

Been ttc since September, fairly young no health issues. Absolutely no joy, not even a whiff of a bfp! Just need to vent really, cramping now so expect to come on any minute. Really hoped it was our month :(

@starlight I know how you feel.. I’m 23.. been TTC since August.. every month I symptom spot only to get a BFN.. going to see my doctor tomorrow and see what she says

Generally you have to have been trying for 12 months if you are under 35 before the GP will consider tests.
It is very normal for a healthy couple to take a year or more to conceive.

In the grand scheme, you’ve not been conceiving for very long at all. It can take a healthy couple 12 months to conceive. It’s frustrating but try and remember that you are early on in your ttc journey right now. Also, unless you are over 35, no doctor will do anything until you’ve been ttc for a year or more

Been trying since August myself. It is hard, but also normal to take up to a year! Try not to worry until you need to. It took me 11 cycles to conceive my first child and they were so worth the wait. Good luck for next month for you x

I know it’s totally normal, but the disappointment each month is horrible :( when I was a lot younger I had a termination, and I have it in the back of my mind that I’ve damaged myself somehow (despite normal, regular cycles) or it’s ‘karma’ for what I’ve done

starlightmagic I had a surgical termination 3 years ago (didn’t want one, partner did and I was stupid enough to listen to him) I’ve already got a 9 year old daughter from a previous relationship. Was on birth control both times I conceived. I have now been ttc for 18 months with no luck. I totally understand it is worrying. I was convinced something had happened with my termination to affect my fertility but after having all my tests done, it seems my infertility isn’t linked at all, it’s just unexplained. Even though I’ve been ttc for this long, my fertility doctor told me that it’s still totally normal to take up to 2 years to conceive.

It is hard in the beginning because you just expect it to happen quickly, we all have it drummed into us when we’re young that we HAVE to be on contraception or we will get pregnant. It’s not the case at all. I remember being very upset every month when I first started ttc but eventually I came to realise that it’s all a total lottery. At this point, as soon as my fertile week is over, I’m already planning ahead for next cycle. Hopefully you won’t be ttc for too much longer but if you are, you just have to keep going. I think you tend to grow a thicker skin. It’s always disappointing when your period shows no matter how long you’ve been trying but you just have to try and stay positive, plus stressing doesn’t help at all. Good luck!

Oh and p.s. I used to think every single day that my infertility was my karma for what I did. My termination broke me to be honest and the fact I’m finding it hard to conceive now made it worse. But I’m trying my best to realise that it’s nothing to do with karma, it’s just rotten luck. Don’t beat yourself up about your termination, I’m sure that you did it for reasons that were right for you at the time and there’s nothing wrong with that, no karma involved

My doctors willing to see me as I have really irregular cycles so she’s just going to see if there’s any underlying causes to worry about

starlightmagic and Bubblegum89 - It’s heartbreaking reading about how you both feel your issues with conceiving might be karma from previous terminations, though I know you’ve said you realize it’s just rotten luck, Bubblegum. Believe me, I understand how confusing your feelings can be about that decision, even years later. I’ve been there.

I don’t know if this helps at all, but be assured the NHS says that abortion has NO EFFECT on future fertility (except in certain rare cases or in the case of multiple terminations, and even then, you would have had symptoms at the time and there would be clear signs now).

None of this is meant to simplify your feelings at all, which I’m sure are still very complex. Personally, I don’t believe pregnancies are connected that way, exactly - for example, that a future pregnancy will not happen because that pregnancy already happened in the past (and was terminated). I think each pregnancy has its own time.

I hope you both get your BFPs and know that, as hard as it must have been, it sounds like you both made the absolute best choices in the past you possibly could, to make the best future possible. That’s what good mums do, so you’re already one step ahead.

RightYesButNo thank you for that lovely post :) my termination was surgical so could potentially affect future fertility as obviously it’s uterine surgery so things like adhesions, punctured womb, infection etc was a risk. I’ve had suspected adhesions due to my infertility and periods not being great but it seems (fingers crossed) that there’s no adhesions in there.

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been there too. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done and I don’t feel like I’m being dramatic when I say it has ruined me. I hope you’re right about each pregnancy having its own time. I’d like to think that you aren’t kind of handed your quota of pregnancies and once they’re done, that’s it. I sometimes try and remember that it’s more than possible that even if I had carried to full term, I would still be having fertility issues today. There’s no knowing I suppose. Although obviously I would still have that baby so it may have been a little easier not having the guilt and the “what if’s” following me around!

I hope you get your bfp very soon too 😊