Developing mental/emotional resilience when TTC

[Doodlebug89]

Hi everyone,

I started TTC 3 months ago, and as someone who enjoys being in control and in particular likes to be active and work hard toward goals, I have found it quite difficult to cope with my 'failure' to conceive mentally/emotionally.

Of course, I know that 3 months is nothing, and that the likelihood everything will be fine and eventually it will happen for us (and that if not, there are things that can be done). However that doesn't seem to help me when AF comes around again and my envisioned future with bump/baby/happy little family seems very far away. I tend to mentally escalate to the worst case scenario and already I'm fretting about infertility.

I'm sure many of you have had very similar experiences and I thought it might be useful to share any techniques that you use to become more mentally/emotionally resilient or to simply lessen the disappointment.

For example, before I started TTC I was mentally winding down other aspects of my life. I was avoiding taking on big new commitments/projects at work, in particular. I've found it really helpful to throw myself back into work to give myself something to focus on instead of constantly monitoring symptoms.

I also have a mental list of the travelling I'd like to have done pre-children (Paris and Iceland), so if it doesn't happen then we can book these holidays whilst we keen on trying.

I've also found it useful to greet AF with something I wouldn't be allowed if pregnant (e.g. sushi, blue cheeses)

Any other ideas?

Hi hun no advice (could do with some myself) think we all turn into maniacs 'i won't poas so early next month' 'going to take a more relaxed approach wrong Lol!! I've only been trying since November and had a MC not had a period since which is so frustrating. CD41 waiting for a bfp or af! 9/10dpo x

We are also booking 2 4-day trips but these can be done pregnant or not x

@Leanne I've found it quite helpful not to have pregnancy tests in the house and to try and hold off for as long as possible. AF keeps being 1-2 days late, and I find as soon as I test she comes that day/the next day. So mentally I see holding out and not POAS until at least 4-5 days after AF is due as saving money, which helps. I tell myself that finding out a couple of days sooner will make no difference.

I also find that not worrying about logging every detail in an app helps. I did this the first 2 months and became obsessed, but last month I took Clearblue OPKs up until I had a smiley, then didn't log anything else in my app for the rest of my month. Meant I was able to forget about TTC for a while and focus on other things.

I've really tried to do that this month but I have no idea when AF is coming it's 6 weeks tomorrow since my MC obviously this has upset my cycle but makes it impossible to know what late is. Have no option but to poas 🙈 I only have IC in the house so atleast I'm not wasting too much money x

Yeah I'm also a serial logger on 2 different apps which i don't think is helping!!

@xLeanne128 I’m in a similar boat to you. MC 4 weeks ago. Waiting for AF. Been TCC 1 year now. Was pretty relaxed for the first 6 months, then it started stressing me a bit, especially after MC #1 in Nov. Now I feel I should buy stocks in FRER 😂 work and indulging in all the things you cannot have when pregnant are good distractions. I go crazy with essential oils when AF / MC comes around!

@17358anotherplanet sorry for your loss and you've been trying quite abit longer than me so must be tough :( it's really bizarre a baby is all I want but at the moment I'm just begging for a bfp or my period not even bothered atm which one would just like to feel normal again or be ecstatic and expecting! Makes it harder when you have no idea where your at xx

No advise sorry but o had to reply as it felt like I had written this myself.

I’ve always had this unexplained niggling feeling that TTC would never be easy for me. I’m only on cycle 4 but after seeing two family members and a close friend who have done everything ‘right way’ and the last thing on their lists being children but not being able to have them has given me this gut wrenching feeling that the same will happen to me. So I completely understand when you think of the worse scenario & you are not on your own x

Like you said, 3 months is not a long time at all although it can feel like it when you want something badly enough. You have to remember though that not getting pregnant in 12 months of ttc is completely normal. 85% of couples with no health/fertility problems will conceive within a year and 95% within 2 years.

I’m a control freak myself and terribly impatient. When I started ttc, I assumed it would just happen fairly quickly. I’ve been pregnant twice on birth control before. Plus we’re always told that we can get pregnant whenever we have unprotected sex which of course isn’t true. You actually only have a 20-25% chance of conceiving every month if you have no issues and are having sex at the right times. I have been ttc now for 18 months. I’ve had no pregnancies in that time and been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. In other words, there’s no obvious reason why I’m not getting pregnant. Baffling in itself but even more so because I’ve been pregnant twice while using contraception.

Conceiving is such a lottery and it’s best not to be too bogged down by it. It’s hard but if you remind yourself that at 3/4/5 months of ttc, still not being pregnant is totally normal and is no indication of infertility. Just that the odds haven’t been in your favour that month

I take anti depressants and do yoga.

Ttc 2 years. Ivf soon. 2 chemical pregnancies.

Oh and I've found counselling helpful at times.