Feeling very down - Have to delay TTC

[Patienceisavirtue0]

My husband and I agreed to start TTC this year. I have wanted to for about a year but my husband wasn't ready. We talked about it again in December and agreed we were both ready and would start trying in April to give ourselves a few months to start prepping (e.g. mentally prep, start pre-natals, be aware of alcohol and caffeine intake, exercise more). Plus we would start after my sisters wedding which is this month - March.

Unfortunately after we made this exciting decision I have realised that we can't TTC as my sisters wedding is in Thailand and it is a Zika area. I am so devastated. We will now have to wait another 6 months to TTC. I just wish we had started trying immediately so I would have a reason to not go.

I am 34 so I am already aware that age isn't exactly on my side. To some people 6 months isn't long to wait but in my case I really think it is. This will be our first child and I would really like more than one, plus who knows how long it may take me to conceive?

I know there are other threads about women waiting to TTC together but I am just feeling so down about this. It preoccupies my mind every single day - I hope and pray the Zika Situation changes or try to think positively that neither of us will be a bitten by a mosquito and maybe we can get tested when we get back. I know the chances a slim and I have no idea if tests are even possible.

I know no one can help me here and I know the answer is that I just have to wait as I wouldn't want to risk ANY complications. I'm just so down about it. I feel anxious every day like a pit in my stomach. I can't drop it.

Does anyone have any advice? xx

I'm really sorry to read that, and can completely understand why you're upset. I had no idea one shouldn't conceive for 6 months after visiting an area at risk of Zika.

I would suggest speaking to your doctor, if you haven't already done so, to double check the risk factor and what you should do. They might take a less conservative view based on what they know.

If the advice remains you must wait 6 months, could you consider not going to the wedding? Or have you booked it already? I think your sister might understand, as this seems very important to you.

All the best, don't be sad ♥️

clementine100 Thanks very much :-) I know I need to be positive but I just can't switch off from it. It is in my mind every. single. day. I am planning on going to my Dr next week before we head off to Thailand. Maybe he will have something different to say but I am pretty sure he will just give me the standard Zika advice.

We booked it 9 months ago and everything is paid for. It is a casual wedding but I am her MOH. I wouldn't not go. I guess that's also what makes this harder!! I don't want to begrudge her for choosing to get married abroad but I am secretly a a little bit annoyed she's chosen a Zika country without thinking! I guess she didn't realise. We didn't either until we've been looking into TTC.

There is a test you can pay for privately on your return .

The test isn't 100% accurate though, so personally I'd still wait the six months - it's not worth the risk.

Try and stay positive OP - it feels like a long time but it shouldn't make any real difference -

Is there anything you can plan to fill the time? Another great holiday? Or a big project at work to get you in a good place before mat leave?

That test afterwards sounds promising!

I would also add this: I'm 7 months pregnant at the moment, and looking around the hospital waiting room most people are in their 30s, quite a few 40s too. I'm in London. People have babies later now, so don't worry too much about being 34, that's really young!

IWouldBeSuperb Thanks - I will certainly discuss the test with my Dr to get all the stats on it. I will try and stay positive and time does seem to be helping me... I'm not crying about it anymore! We are booking another holiday for the summer (Europe) but that's about it. You are right I need something to focus on to pass the time!

clementine100 The test does sound promising - as I've just said I will find out the stats to make sure how reliable it is.

Thanks re. the age thing. I think my view is a bit skewed as despite living in London, all of my friends started having children in their late twenties/early thirties so I am the only one who doesn't have children. This does appear to be a rarity! I think I am just "unlucky" that the majority of my friends settled down before me and are way ahead. This doesn't help me when I am feeling down as I am quite alone in this journey.

That must be really hard. My sister in law had her first baby at 35 with no issues so although it is hard, as Clem said it is not considered old anymore.
Maybe go armed with really high quality bug spray, creams and nets and hope you don't get bitten?

That is a bugger - but 6 months brings you to September, so you could have an amazing (boozy) summer and then be pregnant by the end of the year!

We wrote a baby bucket list before ttc, lots of things we wouldn’t have time/money to do with a baby or things which were not child friendly. Helped to speed the time.

Enjoy Thailand! x

I'm crap as i would go AND ttc!

I wouldn't go to the wedding. I know it's hard but I couldn't wait 6 months as I know how long these things can take.

FlapJackered Yes will be armed with LOTS of mosquito repellent and will try to stay away of any mossie areas the best I can!! Thanks a lot of people have said for me not to panic about age it's just so frustrating that now we are ready to TTC this has got in the way :-(

Blondemother Thanks, I will definitely try to enjoy it! I'm sure I will when I get there. I like your advice - I should just enjoy the summer shouldn't I?

Desmondo2016 Let's be honest - Anyone that lives in Thailand has to conceive there. They have no choice! And i'm sure the whole country hasn't stopped since Zika. So I do see your view point. I'm sure a lot of people agree with you too. It's a tough one.

Sutre It's my one and only sister how could I not go to her wedding? I don't believe in stopping my life for what if's and suppose so's.

My friend delayed ttc last year due to a belated honeymoon in Thailand and then had a momentary Christmas slip up just before they went and that naughty little sperm got her up duffed so she ended up holidaying pregnant even though the didn't know til she got back!

The best thing to do is be proactive about not getting bit. The mosquitoes that carry zika are active during the day and the best way to protect yourself is to have as little exposed skin as possible, and any skin that is exposed, smother in DEET. Your partner would have to do the same.

I went to Malaysia in my 3rd trimester and spent a lot of time in cotton long sleeved and trousers, especially when sitting down for meals or walking through the jungle. The area we stayed and the surrounding areas (and the whole route we travelled) had no recorded cases of Zika. I managed 2 weeks without a single bite, so you can really help minimise the risks

Could you ask your sister to get married in a zika free zone? If she is your one and only sister she would understand. If my sister was TTC I wouldn't plan a wedding in a zika zone.

I would be looking into testing, repellents further researching the risk and probably going ahead with both.

There is risk with everything so it's about what action is proportionate for you. Things can always go wrong and circumstances will never be perfect so I don't think the "test is not 100% accurate" and the "I could never forgive myself" thinking is healthy.

It's all down to the individuals. I wouldn't spend 4 months TTC prepping because I think everything will turn out fine caffeine or no caffeine but others would consider that reckless.

Sutre Well the wedding was all set Autumn last year so no she can't change it now... I would never ask anyone to change something for me. Especially something as important as a wedding. They have invited friends and family and paid for everything!

Bambamber Thanks for the advice, it's so annoying that I'm going to a country that is really hot with beautiful beaches but I'm supposed to cover up to prevent mosquito bites :-( !!

Winebottle I totally agree there is a risk with everything - things can always go wrong and circumstances change. When I mentioned we were prepping it was because we wouldn't just start having unprotected sex the night we agree to TTC. We agreed let's just take 3 months to process our decision, ensure it's definitely what we want and whilst we are doing this I could start taking pre-natals etc and get to know my cycle. It wasn't because I think caffeine would harm the process and what not! Plus I didn't want to be early days pregnant travelling long haul to Thailand so we agreed it would be best to start trying "on" holiday and after. Guess none of it mattered now as we discovered the whole Zika situation. That IS what my focus is on now.