TTC is really getting me down

[Sugarypie]

hiya, so we are TTC for our second, 7 cycles, nothing so far, I know it's not long but it's already taking a toll on me. I turned into a very moody, angry and just hating everyone person. I am nearly 40 so time is not on my side, so it's now or never. my husband told this morning he doesn't know how long he can cope with this anymore, he said I am always angry and moody. his exact words were if you keep acting like this when the second baby is here, he doesn't know if we could stay together!!! I got mad mad at him even thinking that, big fight this morning. He said he meant I might also not stay with him after the second one, anyway I broke down as I don't think I am going to get pregnant anyway and I just fed up with it all. I said I give up and no more TTC. Please tell me I am not the only one going through this difficult time, anyone in the same boat?

I'm sorry you're having a hard time OP I'm on cycle 17 of TTC number 1 with one MMC in December & I know how tough it can be sometimes.
Could you try and find something that helps you relax and have time out? I find acupuncture helps me with my moods & to try and stay positive - some months are harder than others!

I'm sorry i don't really have any advice but I didn't want to read & run, fingers crossed we'll be on the pregnancy board soon!

The saying about relaxing and it happening that cycle is true. It's hard but it worked for me. You have to try your utmost to let go. You are fortunate to have one and a husband so cherish it and make it enjoyable as having more kids brings stress too. At least have fond memories to look back on instead of anger. I know it's probably not what you want to hear but you have to really let go.

thanks I know you are all right about this, I need to let go of this. It's just so hard coming to terms with it when all I wanted was another baby. Maybe this my make or break month, and maybe I needed this emotional time to go through to let you going forward. I felt like it was all building up inside me. But do you think what my husband said about we might not stay together after the second child if my mood doesn't improve, do you think that's a very bad comment? or is it me taking it very badly?

Have you had fertility testing, OP? Over 35’s are recommended to speak to their GP if they have been ttc’ing for 6 months plus without any luck

I've been having fertility treatments for the past five years for my first. I totally understand how frustrating it can be. However, there is a possibility that it will never work. There is no point in losing your marriage over this. I think that you are being very anxious every cycle thinking that this can be it. You have to try (hard, I know) to suppress those feelings. It's better to think that it won't work this cycle. Even if you get pregnant the statistics for miscarriage is higher the older you get.

Infertility after already having one child is a thing. You might want to get tested. The first could have been a lucky shot or your eggs can be getting too old now.

hi yes it can be that my eggs are too old now, the doctors won't do any tests as I have a child already and you need to be trying for 2 years, but they did check my hormones (blood test) all ok, I had a lap to remove very mild endo which I have been told shouldn't affect my fertility. My every month after ovulation I get AF pains and it goes on and on till AF comes which is really weird.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this difficult time OP. If I was you I’d stop monitoring ovulation or anything you’re doing to track things and just let nature take its course; if it happens it happens if it doesn’t it doesn’t. Give it say a year or how ever long you’re willing to try and in that time if it doesn’t happen then put it to bed for
good. Just concentrate on enjoying life with your DH and DC1 in the mean time. Don’t entertain any conversations about TTC with anyone and just completely relax. You never know once you relax and completely take your mind off it and don’t talk about it and just get on with your life with dh and dc1 it may actually happen. If not it’s not written in the stars for you and at least you have your lovely little family

Hi PasstheStarmix what a lovely post from you thank you so much
I also think I need to let go of the tests, tracking, but I feel like we would never have sex if it was me reminding him to BD, Before TTC we only used to have sex once a week and if I let go thats how it would be again unfortunately. I would love to just let go but still need to know when I ovulating so we can have sex at least 2-3 times that week, should I just give that up as well, I mean it doesn't happen even with 5 times a week , so whats the point like you said. I am going to do this from next month, just stop tracking my exact ovulation day and stop thinking about it

I would look at sex for sex and not to TTC because that will be putting an unbelievable amount of pressure on both you and your husband and make it more of a chore. If you and your dh let go of TC hopefully you’ll get back into a place where you’ll want to be intimate for yourselves. Make time for you again.

Sorry hit post too soon. Continued:

I wouldn’t even think of ovulation or anything and leave it up to nature. You’ve had enough stress and deserve some down time and so does your dh. Good luck OP

Forgot to mention somebody I know had a similar scenario except she tried IVF and that failed and she literally gave up. Her and her DH went on about their lives and felt the happiest they had in ages because the dreaded TTC had stopped and the stress that had brought with it had gone. They resigned themselves to being childless and even booked a big holiday using their ‘unborn baby savings.’ Then lone behold one day when she wasn’t even thinking about it she found out she was pregnant. I don’t wish to give you false hope but you never know. There’s a lot to be said for being happy and relaxed

Hey thanks for the encouraging posts. I also heard that it happens when people stop obsessing. I think the part of my obsession comes from my husband lack of desire for wanting a second child for years. He only agreed recently and that was just to try for a bit and that’s it. So now we decided a year to try and that year is approaching fast and that adds to my anxiety. So I obsessed to get pregnant asap which obviously didn’t help. I mean he also wants another one but not as much as I do also he doesn’t think we could cope with our ages he is already 40 by the way. Anyway so now to relax for me it’s like giving up but I think that’s what I have to do to keep myself sane and my marriage. Like you said never know it might just happen.

I wouldn’t even mention it to your dh as it sounds like he’s wavering and the pressure to conceive may put a permanent stop to things (which you don’t want.) He’s given you the green light for a year and you know you both need to work on the marriage. I would concentrate on trying to get things back and really have quality time together. I’m not sure how old your dc is but could you have a date night in or go out to a nice restaurant just you and dh? During that time no talk of TTC or babies.
In regards to age you’re as young as you both feel and look at it this way, if it happen then it’s meant to be. If it doesn’t than at least no more sleepless nights, nappy changes and all the rest that comes with a new baby.
I have OCD according to my dh so I really feel for you OP. I would take a step back if I were you and leave it to nature, it would bloody kill me but I would because the alternative of all of this stress and worrying is doing neither of you any good.

Hey again I have never spoken to someone as nice as you before and your posts are very enlightening. You are honest but in a very nice way. We have about 7 cycles of TTC left of this year. So I spoke to my DH and told him no more pressure, no more tracking ovulation. As like you said I need to be happy with I already have and let go of the second child possibility. I cried and grieved about obviously as this might never happen. My DH was happy absolutely the no obsessing bit. Our DD is nearly 4.5 years old. We do have some date night but it always end up talking about children. Do you have any children yourself? I also have OCD and anxiety which doesn’t help.

Aww that’s lovely of you to say Sugar, sometimes I can be too honest for my own good but I can’t help it, it’s the way I am I have one dc whose almost 12 months old. I love ds more than life itself but I’ve found the first year extremely hard but finally feeling like everything is starting to click (apart from sleep but that’s a workinf progress!) I can’t imagine life without ds and I’m honoured to have this beautiful little boy as my son.
I really think you’re doing the right thing and I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you. I think you and your DH will be better off in the long run for this and if you do conceive it’ll be without the added stress and happier for both of you. Sending lots of baby dust your way ✨ and at least you have your beautiful dd; 4 is a lovely age.

Oh and I can completely relate on the anxiety too and obviously the OCD. It’s hard to stop the thoughts going around isn’t it!?! I have to have a firm talking to myself sometimes as it does us no good. At least the Summer is on its way (I may get to lie in the garden and imagine I’m on a tropical island with Pina colada in hand...bliss)

Hi again for someone with anxiety and OCD you sound very positive :)
I also struggled the first year but now she is lovely and I am so glad I have her. How old are you and do you think of having another child? I sometimes think maybe I should just be happy with one and that’s it like you said no more sleepless nights and PND.

Thanks i try to be as positive as possible and not let my anxiety get me down but it’s easier said than done all of the time! We and DH are both in our early 30’s and we’re not sure if we wanted another. Things are just starting to settle down and we love our little family. Some days I think I want another and other days I don’t. I think deep down I do if I’m lucky enough to conceive when the time comes. If not than it’s not meant to be and I’ll be happy with my little family. Exactly the sleepless nights are a killer 😴

we weren’t sure*

You never know what’s around the corner so you can’t write it off just yet. There’s still loads left of this year too and you never know your dh may let nature take its course a little bit longer especially with the pressure taken off TTC. 🍀

Hiya yes I hope so as well. The only thing is I know that there is only 6 days a month you can get pregnant so I am thinking I still have to try to have sex around ovulation to even stand a chance of being pregnant don’t you think? Otherwise we might not and miss it completely for months.

And you are so right about counting your blessings and be a happy family.

You should do what is right for you and your family Sugar...good luck & lots of baby dust your way ✨✨✨