When would you TTC if you were me?

[pondering1234]

I feel so ridiculous posting this but I am really emotional at the minute and think that's clouding my judgement.

I've got a new job and found out someone on the panel made an offhand remark that 'she'll be pregnant within a few months' of when I start. And my current manager asked when I'd be trying for a baby not long after I started there too. I feel like I should not TTC for ages to prove them wrong, but equally, others shouldn't dictate my life! I am worried about my career though and the affects having a baby may have, especially if it's so clearly on other people's radars for me already. My new job is the same organisation but a different location/area so I have all my mat pay perks straight away regardless of when we TTC.

Been with DH six years, married for 18 months. We have a (big!) mortgage on a house we could easily stay in 10+ years if not forever. He's 29 and I'm 26. We spend just over 80% of our income on direct debits like main bills, and then food, travel, eating out etc. That doesn't mean we save the other 20%, we manage to spend it and I think gosh where has that gone we don't have loads of savings if you net off the interest free credit cards (probably about £4K).

I think I'm doing OK career wise, but I'm not sure when is better/worse to step out, I always thought earlier but it feels like there are drawbacks whatever we do. Should I try and progress up the ladder more? Should we wait til we are a few years older? Should we feel 100000% ready before we try? Can someone tell my brain to sort itself out and realise I have to make this kind of decision for myself?! I say I, purely because DH would try for a baby right now, I'm the one on the fence. I always thought I'd rather have children in my 20's, but now I'm here I'm not sure if that's impatience talking.

Any musings or advice greatly appreciated. I feel a bit ungrateful because on paper we have got it good compared to a lot. We've worked hard, I'm just worried about whether I'm being stupid/missing something obvious? Dons tin hat before being told to sort myself out

I wouldn't wait until you're a million percent ready - because a) you never will be and b) if it ends up taking awhile to conceive, that would be incredibly frustrating (as in my scenario - I was ready to have a baby in my arms three years ago, we started ttc two years ago and I'm still not pregnant).

Equally, you need to be in a career situation that you'd be ok taking time out and then maybe never progressing much further along again.

If I were you, I'd probably leave it a year or two and absolutely work my ass off to get in a more financially secure position if you can. Full maternity benefits don't mean full pay while on maternity...

It dependends what’s more important to you.
I have one dc trying to conceive dc2 as I’d like him or her before I’m 30.
I didn’t want to be having babies into my 30s I want my family complete by age 30.
However because of this I have an older car/smaller house.
But I figure that my dc will be in school by the time I’m age 34 if o conceive soon. Then I can go full time and look at promotion etc. We will go for the bigger house then.
I knew I wanted dc and wasn’t prepared to walt and wanted to be a youngish mum.
You are still so young tho and many more probably have babies into their 30s than 20s that’s probably the norm really. Why don’t you wait six months and see how you feel then. You have got the luxury of time for now.

It's really wrong they're asking these kind of questions about you!

If you're not 100% ready then maybe use the next few months to track your period, ovulation, temperature etc so you can get to know your cycles.

In all honesty @pondering1234 there is no right time. You sound pretty financially solid and yes having a baby may delay career progression but, it could also give you more focus on your career. I started studying whilst on Maternity leave and 4 yrs later changed job with both a ay rise and better prospects like by term. Your Managers have no right to ask you or even joke about babies however as you've been there a while it shouldn't matter, also you're under protected characteristics when pregnant so most employers are absolutely fine about it. Do what feels right for you.

It's actually illegal for your manager to ask that question. I'd report them to HR and carry on TTC. Don't put your life on hold for someone who is unprofessional and way out of line.

There really is no right time, and like others have said I wouldn’t wait until you’re 100% ready because it might take a while.

I was promoted, and I came across a confidential document that weighed up the pros and cons of promoting my employers had drawn up before deciding- one of the ‘cons’ was ‘she’s just got married and will probably start a family soon’. But they didn’t ask me outright - I think that’s very wrong too, but in a way at least they will be expecting it when you break the news.

In answer to your question, if I were you I would start TTC. It sounds like you have a home you could have a family in, and no one can afford a baby until it arrives - people find ways and you will too. Good Luck