Effect of TTC on sex life/relationship?

[flyingplum]

Hello mumsnetters - this is my first thread start, so please excuse me for any faux pas...

DP and I are only on our second cycle TTC #1, and at the moment, it's all quite fun. If anything, it's been good for our sex life, making us DTD more often (we've been together 12 years...guess the passion doesn't last forever?!).

Anyway, I can imagine that this doesn't remain the case, and I can see how it might actually become pressured over time. For various reasons, I'm worried it will take us a while to conceive, and I'd really appreciate some sage wisdom on the pitfalls, and the remedies, that might be useful in the future :)

It stopped being fun for us after 1 - 1.5 years of ttc. We both don't mind as much and are fine to leave it there for now because of the stress and complications of our ivf. A doctor friend told me that it tends to become fun again when done ttc and if succesful, when the baby sleeps better at the night. We'll see. I'll cross that bridge when I get there. We still love each other.

I think the trick is to try to keep it fun. Obviously there will be bad days but make sure you're having cosy nights with a film, date night or whatever to keep it less about baby making and more about the two of you. Fingers crossed it happens quickly for you. xx

DH & I have been TTC number 2 for over a year now & it did begin to become stressful so we agreed to put it aside & if it happens it happens. What we didn't realise was TTC actually bought us emotionally closer together & more comfortable to talk about our sex life to each other.

I think a good idea is also worth knowing your fertile days but don’t share these. My partner feels pressure to ‘perform’ if he knows he could get the jackpot! This takes the fun out of it and makes it seem more like a mission rather than fun. Now I don’t say and we just have sex cause we want to as a couple and hopefully we will conceive at some point.

By the time we were on month 50 we were so stressed that my DH couldn't perform. We have 2 DSs via IVF (oldest almost 8) and we haven't recovered. Or I should say, he hasn't recovered. Luckily we have a good relationship otherwise, but it is hard. So hard for him (or not, as is the sad truth).

My advice is that if you know when you should be having sex, keep quiet. The less he feels pressure, the better. If you only have a few months of this, it won't make too much difference, but if you hit year 3, he's going to feel too much pressure to perform. And that way madness lies.

Sorry for the delayed reply - thanks for the advice everyone, much appreciated. Not filling in the other half on the minutiae of my cycle is something I hadn't thought about - my periods can be pretty horrible, so we've always been quite open about discussing them and my cycle in general. i guess I'm going to have to revise that policy slightly - deffo makes sense what you're saying re: pressure to perform...

We’re in a similar boat to you Plum - just waiting for AF to kindly piss off so we can start TTC cycle 1. DH is also very aware of my periods (although not very good at knowing when they are lol) so I’m thinking that he can stay clued into those, but ovulation is going to remain a mystery to us both for a while. I’m not sure I could get in the mood if I KNEW I had to, let alone him. If it takes time though, OPKs will have to be purchased rather than guessing dates. Good luck! Xxx