On the fence about having a 3rd... how do you decide??

[wingingatlife]

Literally just that. We've got two gorgeous girls, 3 and 7 and we're both on the fence about a third baby. I'm scared of getting pregnant and then thinking oh shit but also scared of thinking oh shit if we look back and regret it.

I have a 5 and 2 year old and am in the same boat. We will probably stick with our two but don't want to regret not having another 10 years down the line...

It's so hard to make the "right" decision. I guess if it happens, cool, but not try to make it happen if that makes sense.

We knew we would regret it if we didn't try for a third but this would be our last attempt whatever the outcome, after suffering some losses.

We now have twins on the way!

Ours are the same age as yours and We have just had number 3. Even through the pregnancy I had doubts about whether it was the right choice as our family was so settled. Once she arrived I knew it was the right choice. Our family feels complete now and the big age gap means the older 2 are pretty self-sufficient in terms of personal care and playing so it balances out really well.

Mind you we are only a week in so who knows

I don't want a bigger age gap. If I got pregnant today there'd be 4.5 years between the younger two so five school years.

There's already four school years between my girls.

I'm over thinking this aren't I.

DH was really keen. I wasn't. My compromise was a big gap. DS2 started school yesterday, DC3 due in July.
It came down to a "would we regret not doing it?" And the answer was yes.
I still wonder every day if we're doing the right thing though

Lady your ds started school for the first time in February? Are you not in U.K.?

I am preg with no3 and have a 14 year age gap between oldest and 8 with middle child ...I am still thinking shit bit someone once told me you regret what you haven't got not what you have got...makes perfect sense xx

Another big "what if"... my mum is a twin, dh's dad is a triplet.

What if baby 3 becomes babies 3,4 and 5

I have just had baby no.3. I have two DD 9&5

I was so nervous when I was pregnant worrying about bigger house, bigger car, we got rid of everything baby related etc so would have to start again.

He arrived 4 months ago and wouldn't change him for the world, just slotted in nicely and had completed our family.

If your thinking of another, I would. Wouldn't want you to regret your decision later down the line.

I guess I'm iffy about having an 18 yo down to a 10yo.

I feel I'm getting "me" back. No more nappies and night feeds. Goodbye softplay! Kids are both at the same school (private so a third set of fees would be really stressful).

My first two girls made the decision! Even to the point of telling their Dad that "if he wouldn't do it they would have to find another man to do it!" - which showed a good grasp of the biology, but a bit less so of the social niceties!

We had the third DD and she really had 3 Mums, as the bigger ones doted on her and were very much into changing nappies etc.

They are all grown up now and a very devoted trio!

We hesitated for a long time. Mainly DH wanting a 3rd and me not wanting him to regret not having a 3rd (and occasionally getting broody round about the days I was ovulating).

We've decided no and I'm more and more pleased with the decision every day. I have some health problems, our 2 DSes don't sleep through the night yet (aged 3 and 6!) and lots of other reasons.

I'm looking forward now rather than backwards at babies and "what ifs". I feel like I can plan things and I'm really looking forward to doing lots of fun things with the boys now they're getting older and able to do them.

I know if we had a 3rd, me or DH would often be on the sidelines with the baby/toddler whilst the other did fun things with the older 2. I want us to do things all together.

I know someone with a 16YO, 13YO, 9YO and 3 YO. The 3 year old gets dragged from pillar to post for his older sibling's activities and she says it's really hard.

This has been my dilemma for the past year - after falling pregnant and losing my "would have been baby #3" just over a year ago, DH and I took some time to gather our thoughts.

We have 2 beautiful healthy children 5 & 2 and to be totally honest it's me who wants #3 more than DH - but after looking at our finances, jobs situation and getting house & car sorted we have decided this year to try again. I feel relaxed and happy about our decision - yes it'll be tough but we have thought it through extensively and we know this is what we both really want for us as a couple and for our family.

This is my first month TTC #3 and we've decided to give it until the end of the year. We don't want this to dominate our lives - our family is full of love already and #3 will just a be a cherry on a already beautiful cake.

I hope you find peace with your decision (whatever decision you might make), personally for us it all came down to the fact that we didn't want to regret not trying for #3 in years down the line.

Hope you get your answer soon

We took a long time deciding to go for #3. As soon as we made the desicion that we really did, it appeared to be too late. Nearly 41 and no luck after a year of trying.
Whatever you choose, just don't leave it too late!

We did it and had ds.
It was the best thing we ever did and I know I would have regretted not having a 3rd, but please have a read of the many threads on here about how hard a lot of us have found going from 2 to 3.

What age gaps did you all have if you don't mind me asking

I'm in Australia. DS2 has just started kindy (reception). Our eldest is 9, DS2 is 5.5 and will turn 6 just after the baby is born. I was never a fan of having any of them close together so this is just another big gap.
We talked about it for at least 18 months and it just wasn't going away. We had the luxury of time to get our head around it all.

Negatives:
Age gap - mainly the thought of having an 8yo and a newborn that would turn into a teenager and reception child.
My mental health (I had pnd after dd2)
School fees
New car
Would need to buy all baby gear again

Think that's my mind made up

I’ve not long had Dc3, dc 1&2 are 10yo & 8yo. We didn’t plan no3 though...

If it’s just the above points you are worried about; you can get baby gear on the cheap, I panicked about this and have ended up with everything new (family & paying things up mainly), although 2nd hand are much less. We don’t need a bigger car as the older 2 don’t need car seats, you might only need 2? 3x School fees would only be for 2-3 would it not? Then back to 2.

Obviously there would be the teenage/toddler gap but I know lots who cope fine with this and everyone seems to be included. I’ve no experience of PND but would you having it previously mean it could be acted upon quickly by health professionals if you were to get it again? And you yourself would know the signs. Obviously it’s not quite as cut and dry as that and like I say I’ve no experience so please excuse my ignorance!q

I would have been absolutely fine with 2dc, I occasionally for broody but knew 2 would be more manageable. However Dc3 was obviously meant to be and now I do feel like he was the missing piece.

I also had PND with DS2 which was one of the reasons for the big gap. In my case, I think it was more of a reactive thing rather than a chemical thing, because we had lots of extreme stress around the time he was born, which we don't have this time round. But yes, the medical professionals are keeping an eye on me!